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AIBU?

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Original poster

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

809 replies

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 14:48

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

OP posts:
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Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 04/01/2018 13:22

Haha my mother had a similar attitude regarding sex. I ran away at 14 and ended up marrying a member of the mafia.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 04/01/2018 13:23

@Stickystickstick

'I’m sure those who have expressed a dislike for tattoos would not be so rude as to tell a stranger on the street anything negative about their tattoos

Oh but they do full of self righteousness.
Strangers have said I was stupid to my face for having tattoos. I’ve been approached in cafes (“what possessed you to mutilate your body?”

This is where you realise that not everybody waking the streets is of sound mind. I would actually judge the person who said that to you for being a fool ...not you who has the tattoos.

What right have they to ask such questions.

I have a male colleague. He's 6 ft 4, a biker, skinhead, ear piercings and tattoos (not always visible).. I was a bit scared when I first met him... but he said because he is aware that he can look intimidating... he takes extra care in how he conducts himself to avoid that. Keeping space between him and others...not raising his voice etc... He's a really gentle guy actually and I know other colleagues were nervous to talk to him, but I assured them he's really a gentle and easy going.

EarthwormsAndSnails · 04/01/2018 13:24

My DP bodybuilds too (with no tatts) and gets the same reaction. They're not judging him but feeling threatened by his perceived masculinity.

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 04/01/2018 13:30

See, our other friends that body builder, some of whom are bigger than my DP don’t get this problem. So I’m more think it’s his tattoos. Or even maybe that he isn’t white, or a combination of all 3, who knows. It just ruins our nights out of which we have very few.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 04/01/2018 13:40

People are attacked and called names because of how they look all of the time.
The only way to stop this is to teach acceptance, not othering people.

We're talking about different things here.

'Like' and 'acceptance' are not the same.

I can not like something, but accept it.

I don't like tongue piercings either ... but I would never treat a person any different because of it.

People have the right to dress as they want, style their hair as they want etc... without fear of attack. PERIOD.

Hate crimes are in a whole different category.

crazycatgal · 04/01/2018 13:51

@SandyY2K How are we talking about different things? It's fine to have a personal opinion on things but if you go out and treat people differently then that's wrong. That's what I've been saying. You can say to your children 'I don't personally like tattoos' but if you start telling them that people with tattoos are unemployed hooligans then that's also wrong.

TooManyPaws · 04/01/2018 13:55

I wonder how those who are adamant that tattoos are "lower class" or trashy would cope with the fact that both Edward VII and George V had tattoos? As did Winston Churchill's mother, Lady Randolph Churchill? Or that I was told by a tattoo artist in Fife that a tattoo artist friend of his had inked a certain then-young Royal?

Sooo lower class.

DecoysBitch · 04/01/2018 13:55

Op sorry I got derailed from your main argument but think that if your Dp looks overtly masculine in an in-your/face way, with height/ muscles etc and tats then it may inflame a certain insecure type of man to maybe square up to him to prove their masculinity or sth, idk.

Looking that way can be an incentive for other men to want to prove themselves, especially when drinking or whatever, it's a shame though as you say he's not like that.
Unfortunately if you don't know someone you tend to go instinctively on appearance.

It's how we evolved as humans though,

Anniethinggose · 04/01/2018 13:58

This thread has gone lower than low - victim blaming now, really?!
All these parents going on about 'rules' and 'no tattoos'. I couldn't consider myself as a decent parent if I was raising prejudiced, superficial, ignorant non-thinkers. I'll be proud of my children whether they choose to get tattooed or not, as long as they don't fall into that shameful category.

crazycatgal · 04/01/2018 13:58

I think it's a combination of the tattoos and his size. My DF is in his 50s and is an ex-bodybuilder with lots of tattoos and he is still quite big and muscular. He still often gets dickhead men trying to start fights with him when he's trying to have a quiet drink with his friends.

SandyY2K · 04/01/2018 14:16

@crazycatgal

When did I say people with tattoos are unemployed hooligans? I absolutely NEVER said such a thing.

What I told my DD is my true experience of applicants being rejected from joining the police because of their tattoos.

Please do not say things I never said

It seems like some pp believe you have to like tattoos...and if not your crazy or judgemental.

My point is that not liking a particular style/body art...does not equal hatred of that person and certainly doesn't equal murderer.

crazycatgal · 04/01/2018 14:18

@SandyY2K I'm not saying that you said that! I'm being hypothetical and saying that if you were to say that to your children then that would be wrong.

HoneyBeeMum1 · 04/01/2018 14:44

I don't think anyone should be publicly shamed for their appearance. Nor would I wish them any harm.

However, to suggest we don't make judgments, negative, positive and neutral about people based on their appearance is absurd.

It is unreasonable to voice those judgments to a stranger, though, if to do so would cause offence.

I have never understood the appeal of tattoos. They look ugly and dirty and I cannot help wondering at the lack of judgment of those people who display them.

They are nasty on both men and women, but - like it or not - they are especially nasty on women. Putting a tattoo on a lovely young woman is like sticking dung on a beautiful painting.

I have daughters so exquisitely lovely people stare at them whenever we go out. Sometimes complete strangers approach us to openly admire their beauty. I am immensely proud of them.

I shudder to think of them with tattoos and that the admiration of strangers might change to shock and incredulity.

Social niceties dictate that polite people won't tell you your tattoos look horrible, but you can't stop them thinking it.

RoseWhiteTips · 04/01/2018 14:51

As for comparing tattoos to “art”, that is laughable.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 04/01/2018 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsubject · 04/01/2018 14:54

I don't like the look of tattoos. I think they always look like someone is covered in mud or gravel. I can think what I like. What I must not do (and never would) is make any comment about a tattoo unless specifically asked, nor treat someone who is tattooed differently just because of the tattoos.

6 ft bodybuilder or not. Manners maketh man, and woman.

RhiannonOHara · 04/01/2018 14:55

Why, Rose? They are done by people who have a creative aptitude and who train extensively in the techniques, context and history of the form. They're chosen and worn/displayed by people who choose them because they love them/they appreciate the background and cultural context the tattoos come from/the tattoos mean something to them/they wish to display their tastes.

These are just the first analogies to art that spring to mind.

crazycatgal · 04/01/2018 14:56

@HoneyBeeMum1 You are proud of your daughters because they are beautiful? Personally I would prefer my children to be successful and have a career.

Anniethinggose · 04/01/2018 14:57

Honey you couldn't be more misogynistic if you tried. Your post is odd.

RoseWhiteTips · 04/01/2018 15:03

People come up to admire someone’s daughters in the street. I find that a bit creepy.

NotACleverName · 04/01/2018 15:06

Putting a tattoo on a lovely young woman is like sticking dung on a beautiful painting.

Good thing I’m a human being and not a fucking painting, isn’t it? Jesus Christ. 🙄

As for strangers supposedly stopping you to admire your daughters’ beauty... that’s not at all creepy.

Rose you appear to be confusing opinions with facts again, with your comments about comparing tattoos to art.

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 15:23

As for comparing tattoos to “art”, that is laughable.

If you began all your comments with "in my opinion" it would be better. You again appear to be mistaking it for fact.

Is you experience of art so narrow? You really can't understand how someone who creates amazing images is an artist?

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 15:24

I have daughters so exquisitely lovely people stare at them whenever we go out. Sometimes complete strangers approach us to openly admire their beauty. I am immensely proud of them

If this were true I would be very concerned that you're proud of your daughters because of their looks. What a terrible message

RoseWhiteTips · 04/01/2018 15:51

I studied Art. I do not regard tattoo scribbles as Art.

RoseWhiteTips · 04/01/2018 15:51

Please note the use of the capital A.