Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

[StandardRussian66]

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

Mad tattoos have risks. Not everyone and especially young kids dont get that. Theres scarring and risk of hep C. It happens. Just because im not dragging a 16 yr old to ink themself doesnt make ME judgy. It is more about trying to teach them the best way to have opportunities which certain things may block including tattoos. I dont want their school teachers thinking they arent worth teaching because it looks like i dont give a shit. I give a million shits and more. How many parents of wannabe medics encourage tattoos? Not my decision or judgement but not many though im sure russian and others will know some. Still minority tho.
Dont feel sorry for my kids. They can make their own decisions when they ate ADULTS
16 is way too young yo choose a tattoo. Do you really think its appropriate to say to a 16 yr old child oh yes you make your own decisions because youre an individual and i support that then let them do what they want?
Cant the class association is widespread.i dont choose it but i can encourage my kids to see how their choices affect them.

I'd strongly discourage my children from getting tattoos until they're in their 30s, in case they change their minds. It's not like clothing or hair, that can be changed easily, or even piercings that can be left to heal. Tattoos are so permanent! There are infection risks too, and scarring if you have them lasered later on. If I'd had a tattoo in my early 20s it would have been something reflecting my interests/mood/worldview at the time- mortifying later on!
Visible tattoos make it harder to get into certain professions, particularly healthcare. I wouldn't want my children to be restricted at the start of their careers. In my profession we are not allowed to have any tattoos visible. I don't agree with it, but can understand why they enforce it. Public perception of tattoos is still widely negative.

Genuine question: why tattoos over other forms of self expression/art?

Sandy i brought Sophie Lancaster up because she was targeted over how she looks, because she chose to dress 'differently'. This was mentioned by her boyfriend, that the bastards who attacked them were abusing them because of their dress, their hair, their piercings. People on this thread have already said they judge people for different hair colours, for piercings. Yes the group who killed Sophie were evil fuckers...but I wonder how much of their hatred of 'different' was left unchallenged before it happened?

Would you encourage drinking or underage sex? We can all sit back and say anything goes and so be it. In the olden days parents had higher standards

Which era is "olden days"

Above all I want my daughter to be open with me. If she would like to try alcohol I would rather she do it at home, and develop a healthy relationship with alcohol as I did. If she wants to have sex I will explain the situation, she understands at 11 the age of consent but yes, I'd rather she did it in my house.

You say "parents had higher standards". Yet in an earlier post you stated you weren't happy with your mother's attitude to sex. My parents had a much more open attitude and yet the end result was the same.

I also think those talking about Sophie Lancaster are taking quite a leap. Not liking tattoos ... is a very far way from murdering someone

I don't think it is a leap. Sophie was murdered because of what she looked like: evidentially from this thread there are people bringing up their child to have a negative opinion of those with tattoos.

So now we have teachers who won't want to teach kids because they think the parents don't give a shit??? In my experience - over 10 years in school settings - teachers don't write off a kid based on how they look. And if they do they damn well shouldn't be teachers.

The career path comes up again...yet many people have already said they themselves have had no issues, know people in professional careers with tattoos including visible ones.

My relationship with my parents would sour dramatically if they tried to dictate my entire life, especially past 18. Perhaps we need to change the legal age of adulthood!!!

why tattoos over other forms of self expression/art?

Because it's art that goes with me rather than hanging on a wall. Because I absolutely love the design process. Because I absolutely love the feeling of getting the tattoo. Because I love the healing process and seeing an amazing piece of work develop on my skin

My friend was denied applying for the police force for a certain tattoo the language of which was offensive tho. She had to pay a lot for a tatt to cover it. She was 19 having it done and at 26 being barred because of it

My friend was denied applying for the police force for a certain tattoo the language of which was offensive tho

So the issue was the offensive language. You know not all tattoos say "fuck you buddy" right?

Oh jaques that is OFFENSIVE and OUT OF ORDER. My kids are not being taught to be murderers because i discourage tattoos. What a vile and disgustingly false comment.

Do you suppose the people who murdered Sophie whilst screaming "weirdo, mosher, freak" were brought up to be non-judgemental?

I have had all those things yelled at me.

But do I worry about my child who at 11 is a "weirdo, mosher, freak" meeting kids with parents like you? Hell yes.

Tattoos depicting hate or offensive language will be seen in a different light to 'artistic' tattoos. I'm a huge tattoo fan (did you guess) but even I find tattoos depicting gang warfare, neo nazi stances, Britain bloody First etc disgusting. But that doesn't just extend to the tattoos; i would have a major problem with anybody who was openly racist or offensive in front of me.

I love my tattoos because they are a part of me. I don't want art that i can hang on a wall, that can be damaged or lost. I want it with me always.

No. Your comment was vile and an insult to posters and that poor girls family. It was not about not liking tattos but using that as an excuse for evil depravity. Disgusting. Will step off here the discussion has gone too far and is nasty. Not in the spirit of good debate. Enjoy your horrible views with someone else.

Yeah I'm with you there Jacques
I worry that my daughter might end up friends with somebody who has parents that view me as somehow sub par because i have tattoos & piercings. A friend of mine's 4 year old daughter came home from a playdate recently & told her mother tattoos are ugly & she is stupid to have them. Until that point it had never been an issue. That is heartbreaking as her friend, i think i'd cry had that been my DD

These threads always end up the same. A handful of diehards on either side insulting and taking nasty, juvenile shots at each other.

There could have been a more restrained debate, and we might have heard from the thousands of people who regret having tattoos/have had them removed/are thinking about having one/want to ask questions etc.

But let's face it, who is going to want to join this thread now?

Your comment was vile and an insult to posters and that poor girls family

That poor girl was called Sophie. I fundraise for and spend a lot of time teaching people to be tolerant for fear of the same thing happening again.

I'm glad you're leaving the discussion - I find your views utterly abhorrent

But if you take ANYTHING from this Bumsnet PLEASE read what happened to Sophie because of what she looked like.

'I’m sure those who have expressed a dislike for tattoos would not be so rude as to tell a stranger on the street anything negative about their tattoos

Oh but they do full of self righteousness.
Strangers have said I was stupid to my face for having tattoos. I’ve been approached in cafes (“what possessed you to mutilate your body?” “What does your mother think of your tattoos?” - who cares I’m in my 40s!!!), in the queue for an ATM I was questioned on my employability and work status as if I am public property.

It’s ridiculous. Strangely none of this comes from elderly people, although some like to discuss the artwork positively with me and share their secret desire to get tattoos.

@Bumsnetnetbums All that Jacques said was that people are bringing their children up to view people who have tattoos negatively.

If this has outraged you that much that you need to leave the thread then maybe that's because the shoe fits.

Visible tattoos make it harder to get into certain professions, particularly healthcare
My heavily tattooed partner just qualified as a nurse and has had no comments made about his artwork.

As Crazy said. And it was/is well documented that the bastards that killed Sophie were screaming at her & her boyfriend because of what they looked like.

That attitude has started somewhere. If it goes unchecked it can just get worse; everybody has the right to walk safely down the street regardless of what they wear/what piercings/tattoos they have. Don't like tattoos? Great, don't get one. But please don't view those of us who have them as somehow below you or stupid. And don't bring your kids up to think the same!!

@crazycatgal

Not liking something, does not correlate to murdering someone because of it. Sophie L was a very extreme case and I'm sure that nasty gang exhibited violent behaviours before the incident.

Many people don't like any range of physical attributes. ...doesn't mean they go around killing innocent people because of it.

That was a hate crime and I'm sorry if some people here are unable to distinguish the difference, between not being a fan of tattoos and killing an innocent human being.

The point of this thread was people openly judging... me not being a fan of tattoos....would never in a million years make me make a comment to a person on the street with them. That's just pure and utter madness.

As a parent... I can absolutely let my DD know I don't like them. She asked what I thought of her getting a tattoo and I told her my honest opinion, including how I've seen it affect people's careers. I think it would have been wrong not to let her know.

I also told her that seeing as though she freaked out simply getting a vaccination (her school had to call me the last time) I couldn't see her coping with the pain.

Sandy the problem isn't not liking them. Read some of the comments - we are attention seeking, we are self harming, we are stupid, uneducated, never going to get a decent job. Those comments go beyond not liking them. Absolutely, tell your kids you don't like them. But that coupled with the insults above breed some sort of social standing; those with tats are beneath those without

@SandyY2K Yes obviously the murder of Sophie Lancaster was an extreme case - but she was still murdered due to the way that she looked.

People are attacked and called names because of how they look all of the time. The only way to stop this is to teach acceptance, not othering people.