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AIBU?

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Original poster

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

809 replies

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 14:48

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

OP posts:
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10
BishBoshBashBop · 04/01/2018 11:24

Are you going to judge people who don't fit certain standards of beauty? Large noses, acne, being overweight, having wonky teeth?

People certainly do judge on at least some of those things.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 11:24

Bumsnets what about people who choose to have plastic surgery or botox? Would you view those people in the same way you do those of us with tats?

I've not found anything on here offensive as an inked 20+ something year old. It intrigues me more than anything. I would suggest tho that people who know 'young adults' who don't like tattoos may well find that they are the children of parents who detest them? And as someone who 'rebelled' against my dad's 'no tattooes under my roof' i hope that those of you who say similar to your kids aren't gearing up for a fall. Would any of you question your parenting more if your child got a tattoo as an adult & chose to keep it a secret? The idea my daughter would feel she couldn't tell me things makes me feel almost sick in honesty

RhiannonOHara · 04/01/2018 11:27

Thanks Roussette.

What a pity it is that society is still at a stage where careers can be compromised by things like this.

You do though, going by your other posts, seem to have an aversion to tattoos that goes beyond concerns for your daughter's career.

crazycatgal · 04/01/2018 11:27

It is the same thing though - you're judging someone based on their appearance - whether they chose to look like that or not.

And if people do treat people differently due to how they look then they're nasty people like I've already said.

RoseWhiteTips · 04/01/2018 11:29

...almost everyone (not me)these days has a tattoo.

I think you’ll find that is not the case. Saying that it is does not make it so.

Bumsnetnetbums · 04/01/2018 11:32

Russian
Yes after being called embarrassing and uptight.

Bumsnetnetbums · 04/01/2018 11:38

I suppose must that this is the point. Imo plastic surgery enhances beauty as i see beauty. Tatts reduce it. So not the same.
If my kid hid it then no not upset as it would be less obvious which is a good thing. My mum had issues around sex and letting me out as a teenager. Some parents are of the opinion better under my roof. Although i hated it at the time i never had underage sex or loads of partners, didnt get pregnant or stis which is in the long term better.
My own children will be under the same strict rules. If they know i hate tatts because of how it can affect them then first they may question the decision and second be likelier to have it in a less obvious place. Win win imo.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 11:51

And if they totally 'rebel' & get a sleeve & wear short sleeved tops? I just find it baffling that you'd be okay with them feeling they needed to hide it rather than you accepting they are adults.

You have answered the whole what else do people judge tho. I wonder if those who feel tats are self harming view surgery as the same? Necessary surgery after accident etc notwithstanding of course!!!

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 12:04

Imo plastic surgery enhances beauty as i see beauty. Tatts reduce it. So not the same

But you must see the action is the same? Your response to it doesn't matter, both are (with the exception of medical necessity plastic surgery) elective body modification.

My own children will be under the same strict rules. If they know i hate tatts because of how it can affect them then first they may question the decision and second be likelier to have it in a less obvious place. Win win imo

Or they will totally buck against such stringent rules and get absolutely massive tats.

I'm genuinely shocked any parent would rather their child do something in secret rather than talk to them about it because of their own views. Aren't you bringing your child up to be an individual with their own thoughts and desires and ideals?

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 12:05

Some parents are of the opinion better under my roof.

My parents were of this school of thought.

i never had underage sex or loads of partners, didnt get pregnant or stis which is in the long term better

Me neither. Go figure....

Bumsnetnetbums · 04/01/2018 12:07

Jaques
Would you encourage drinking or underage sex? We can all sit back and say anything goes and so be it. In the olden days parents had higher standards and yes we hid some bits but were aware of what was and wasnt acceptable.
My kids do open up to me. I can guide but not encourage. Theres a difference.

Bumsnetnetbums · 04/01/2018 12:09

As to plastics being the same ie body modification not the same. One seeks to repair bad attributes. Saggy breasts a large nose whatever
Tatts seem to make good attributes worse. Imo. Other ppl may disagree

Bumsnetnetbums · 04/01/2018 12:10

Must. Wasnt talking about adult decisions. I was talking about CHILDREN making bad choices before they truly understand the consequences.

Bumsnetnetbums · 04/01/2018 12:13

Jaques.
Theres growing up to be individuals and then making deliberate choices to show youre an individual thru body art. Its an oxymoron. True individuality requires no image since the individual is truly content with who they are.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 12:18

Bumsnets define a child? Given you can't get a tattoo until you're 18 unless you have adult consent i'd suggest that if your son or daughter went to get one they'd legally be an adult?

I didn't smoke or have underage sex either - my mum & I have a very open relationship about all that. Had I turned round to my mum at 15 & said I was thinking about having sex do you know what she'd have done? Made sure I knew it was my decision & then made sure I had contraception in place & condoms. My folks allowed us to drink with meals as teenagers - we lived abroad where it was socially accepted that teens could join in responsibly.

FindoGask · 04/01/2018 12:20

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Bumsnetnetbums · 04/01/2018 12:20

Many kids i know have underage tatts. Same with sunbeds. Responsible tattoists may be more strict.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 12:21

I disagree that plastic surgery is about making bad attributes better. Largely it is about making yourself look better to society. Bigger boobs, bigger/firmer bum, flatter stomach. Who dictates that small boobs are a bad attribute? Society apparently

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 12:23

But from 16 you can get a tattoo with parental permission. So perhaps those underage teens have slightly more open minded parents?

Bumsnetnetbums · 04/01/2018 12:25

Well there you go. Open minded or dont give a shit. 18 is plenty young enough jesus at 16 thats awful. Many of my mates at 16 were goths. They arent now. Imagine the damage done because of those parents thats horrendous parenting!!

Bumsnetnetbums · 04/01/2018 12:26

Pmsl pindo unhinged Grin
Hahaha genuinely just lold at that one

Cantspell2 · 04/01/2018 12:29

Katie Price didn’t make a bad attribute better. She just wanted bigger boobs as do most people who go for implants.
nothing wrong with an aging face but plenty choose to Botox the hell out of theirs.
I would never make a comment or think they were low class because of it but plenty seem to think it is ok to comment about people who choose to have tattoos.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 12:30

You really are judgy 😱 I've gone from finding your views intriguing to feeling sorry for your kids tbh. I had friends with parents similar; no, not all rebelled but some did, quite significantly. You're not actually encouraging your kids to make their own decisions...how do you think they will learn that if you don't teach them??? Scary stuff.

SandyY2K · 04/01/2018 12:34

But you have no right to be a total cunt to me because I’ve chosen to mark my skin.

^^...^.^...^
I can't understand why anyone would say this though. It's your personal decision to do what you want with your body.

Has someone actually said this to you? IRL or on this thread?

My view is people are free to like or dislike tats. Not liking them doesn't make you uncool..lacking in fashion sense... in the dark ages or any other less than complimentary term.

I'm sure those who have expressed a dislike for tattoos would not be so rude as to tell a stranger on the street anything negative about their tattoos, in.tje same way you wouldn't comment on their hairstyle or anything else.

I saw a woman the other day with red, yellow, purple, green and blue hair extensions.... I did a double take as she walked passed...but it's absolutely none of my business to make a comment or pass judgement.

I'm sure she's used to people giving her a second look.

My DD also wants purple hair extensions...which I've no issue with ... as it's not permanent. I see it as an expression of her youth...same as her clothing choice.

I also think those talking about Sophie Lancaster are taking quite a leap. Not liking tattoos ... is a very far way from murdering someone. Those people were vicious and evil.

crazycatgal · 04/01/2018 12:38

@SandyY2K Sophie Lancaster was murdered due to the way she looked though - which included her hair, style and tattoos.