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Original poster

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

809 replies

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 14:48

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

OP posts:
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JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 09:11

@mustbemad17 one of the many benefits of working from home is the ability to wear PJs Grin

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 09:15

Only 20% Speakout? Which means currently that 80% of the tattooed population are quite happy with their 'mistakes' 😆

Do people judge the same when they hear of/see people having plastic surgery/botox etc? I mean, that's got to be a form self harm too surely??!

Jacques i'm jealous!! Altho off work atm so i could be persuaded...but have to get dressed for the school run. Heaven forbid i turn up in pjs; the school gate mafia would have heart attack with that on top of my tats 😱

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 09:19

Heaven forbid i turn up in pjs; the school gate mafia would have heart attack with that on top of my tats

Can you imagine the swooning?!

Days when DD is at her dads I spend all day in PJs. I too get dressed for school run, although I'm definitely not the only parent (or indeed member of staff) with visible tattoos and piercings

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 09:20

It would be worth doing just to video the reactions 😂😂

DownstairsMixUp · 04/01/2018 09:27

There's a lady who I'd hazard a guess is about 68 with a full sleeve in our local Morrison's, I see her quite regularly, I never usually notice women that age, not sure why, I suppose I live in quite an aged seaside town so it's largely an elderly population but I noticed this lady. It was a beautiful coloured floral sleeve, the colours probably were brighter at some point but it still looked fabulous and she looked brilliant. this was in summer time by the way when everyone was still in tee shirts etc as you'd never have known if she was walking round Morrison's today. How pathetic that people would of judged that lady if they'd have seen her in summer but not today! Get a life honestly. The judgy pants on this thread is just depressing. I honestly look back to my childhood and remember the kids that picked on me when I experimented with being a bit "goth" are the adults that judge here today. Grow up and stop being obsessed with what other people do and get to know someone before jumping on your high horse!

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 09:34

Do people remember Sophie Lancaster? The 'gothic' girl who was attacked & killed because of how she looked?

To me, we all judge. That's human nature. But judge in your head & go about your business. Oh & make sure your own house is in order before you decide to voice those judgements 😂

DownstairsMixUp · 04/01/2018 09:38

The people that bullied here will turn into the judgy adults on this thread today!

DownstairsMixUp · 04/01/2018 09:39

Her*

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 09:47

Do people remember Sophie Lancaster? The 'gothic' girl who was attacked & killed because of how she looked?

I read the most appalling opinion piece on Sophie, that basically said "yada yada all very sad but why didn't she conform".

Just awful.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 09:50

Jacques i found that disgusting too. Why the hell should we conform when it isn't damaging anyone? The way she looked wasn't harming any other person.

Lots of people have used the word 'sheep' to desribe those of us with tattoos. I find that fascinating given that apparently us with visible tats aren't going to have successful careers, nobody is going to find us attractive, blah blah. I'd suggest that if the word 'sheep' is to be used it should be used for those who choose to conform through fear of somehow being different!

StripySocksAndDocs · 04/01/2018 09:51

@StandardRussian66 in answer to your question. Those that are openly rude to your DH are people who are openly rude. There's probably many a person who see him and have an initial reaction to his appearance (like you might to ear spreaders) but most people keep it to themselves and let the person show who they are.

A large muscular tattooed man gives a reaction to the majority of people of either intimidation or the idea the person is tough. It's very 'alpha male'.

Men who square up to him probably feel they are the alpha male and need to prove it. They are insured twits (in my opinion).

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 04/01/2018 09:52

It’s very sad. It says a lot about a person who judges someone for doing something different to them that had no impact on their lives what so ever.

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Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 04/01/2018 09:54

stripy sorry we x posted there.

Yes it’s a shame really because he so lovely, and smart and kind.
He always gets the comment “you’re nothing like how I imagined you to be” once he’s talked to someone for more than 5 minutes.

OP posts:
FindoGask · 04/01/2018 10:14

Downstairs - I remember the very first woman I saw over 60 with a lot of tattoos - she was walking along the seafront near where I lived (small seaside town) in a long flowing strappy sundress. She was tall and willowy, with long white hair, traditional style tattoo work down both arms and, I saw later, a back piece too. The tattoos had obviously been done a long time ago - they had that faded settled look that I think suits older skin. There was something about how comfortable in her skin she was - she really looked wonderful. I always think of her now when I hear folk wittering about how tattoos look on old people.

Roussette · 04/01/2018 10:38

But for every bohemian flowing skirt long hair willowy elderly person really carrying off the tatts in later life, there will be completely the opposite (which I won't describe but you can imagine I'm sure)

ZoopDragon · 04/01/2018 10:38

With 20% of people with tattoos now seeking laser removal, the numbers are expected to soar in the next decade

Yes! And I suspect more than 20% will seek laser removal in years to come. A lot of tattoos are impulsive, or teenagers who want to fit in or be fashionable. Even now I'm in my 30s, my tastes might change. I don't wear the same style of clothes or shoes as I did 10 years ago, and have a different style of home decor.
How do you know if you will still like your tattoo 10 years?

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 10:40

Zoop i'll await those stastics eagerly in the next ten years.

I've had my tattoos for 10 years so far...i still love them & have another 8 planned. So far so good!

Bumsnetnetbums · 04/01/2018 10:41

I would be gutted if my kids got tattoos. Says something about me i guess I feel people would judge my parenting and that they have let themselves down. Similar to if they dropped out of school or similar self sabotage. I know you will find this offensive but its how i feel. Particularly my daughter. The boys i would be upset but less so. I think women are judged much more-the label tramp stamp i have heard many times. I suppose its a marker of low social status where i live. Similar to non traditional modern names it has a similar connotation. That isnt just my view, but that of many others. Certain names and visible markers of class do make a difference. That would be my ultimate fear as a parent.

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 04/01/2018 10:42

I’m betting that 20% are tattoos that were gotten either in a drunken holiday, or on a whim.

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Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 04/01/2018 10:43

I would be very embarrassed to have a parent like you.

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mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 10:45

I've already told my DD that when she is old enough I will take her for her first tattoo. Obviously I will encourage her to think carefully about what she wants, & I want to make sure uses a decent artist!!

To me there are worse things my kids can do than get a tat

FindoGask · 04/01/2018 10:46

I don't even know where this 20% figure comes from. It sounds highly dubious to me - do you have a source?

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 10:47

Maybe Speakout can provide a link

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 10:48

I started wanting a tattoo when I was 15. My parents had one rule. That I went somewhere reputable and therefore waited until I was 18.

I am now late 30s and have been getting tattooed ever since.

IME the only people who espouse the theory of tattooes and life opportunities/class are rather insecure in themselves

FindoGask · 04/01/2018 10:48

Roussette, no, I'm not sure I can imagine - because I like tattoos, so I wouldn't spend my time sneering at elderly people who happen to have them. But you carry on, if that's your jam.

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