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Original poster

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

809 replies

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 14:48

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

OP posts:
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mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 08:10

Personally I don't give a flying fuck if anyone judges me for my tats. I've been judged on far worse. However if someone openly said something negative about them & I heard them, they would then be opening themselves to a choice comment about themselves. I mean, if I really wanted to I could find a way to cover my tats up...people with piss poor attitudes are basically stuck like that for life

speakout · 04/01/2018 08:11

I think shortly we will see a reverse of this fashion of tattoos.
Once thought of as "edgy" young people will come to see them as the badge of the frumpy middle aged, sprawling tattoos over lumpy skin no longer quite cutting it.

I have two young adult children. Both laugh at the idea of tattoos, none of their close friends have tattoos either, not any desire to.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 08:16

I dunno...just been having this discussion with a few of my mum friends & all of our younger kids want tattoos 😂 Perhaps it's the age old following in footsteps thing?

speakout · 04/01/2018 08:20

mustbe- perhaps.

A role model thing.
My DD dances ballet professionally- unmarked skin is something most dancers want to retain, so I am sure that has an influence.
DS (20) thinks that people with tattoos are "like sheep", none of his 4 closest friends have tattoos either..

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 08:24

DS (20) thinks that people with tattoos are "like sheep"

I presume you advise him that shallowness isn't an attractive trait?

FreudianSlurp · 04/01/2018 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 08:28

If the 'worst' thing my DD does is get a tattoo i'll be well chuffed...believe me there are things i've done that i would hate her to follow!!

I hope that my DD is open minded about what other people choose to do with their bodies personally. Want a tattoo? Get one. Don't want a tattoo? Don't get one. Me having my tats doesn't impact in any way on anybody else's life

speakout · 04/01/2018 08:35

JacquesHammer I don't think he is shallow- he is an independent thinker.
Subjectively if you look at the whole modern phenomena of tattoo popularity subjectively it is nothing more than a fashion, a craze, a bit like fashion for beehive hair or big eyebrows.
It is superficial. And fashions wane, as will tattoos.
But unlike hair or big eyebrows people are stuck with them.

I don't think it's shallow to challenge or view subjectively the tattoo fashion. Inking is not a deep sacrosanct part of the core of our society. Despite what some may like to think.

ReelingLush18 · 04/01/2018 08:38

When I grew up tattoos were not the norm at all and I don't recall ever seeing a woman with a tattoo until the 90s.

I think they started being popular among young people and women when I was in my 20s (around the same time that people started using sunbeds to have year-round tans). I recall thinking that a tattoo would spoil my sleek, sophisticated style (at that point in my life), so although I flirted with the idea (some of my more edgy friends had small ones done in the 'grunge' 90s), I decided that I would look silly into middle/old age with tattoos. My BFF and I did have a notion to get a small one done when we reached milestone birthdays but decided against it.

I definitely don't find them remotely sexy (even on David Beckman/Tom Hardy) but each to their own.

I do think they've massively lost their 'edge' because they are so commonplace. They were a statement of rebellion that could almost be regarded as conformism now, so popular are they. speakout you are right - what teenager/young person will want a tattoo when it's a thing of their 'old' parents' generation?

ZoopDragon · 04/01/2018 08:38

Are you sure it's the tattoos? Big muscles will make other men square up, and tattoos emphasise muscles, the way jewellery draws attention to parts you want to show off. I can't help looking at tatooed bodybuilders- I find them very sexy and eye catching. I probably stand up a bit straighter and arch my back without thinking. I guess it's a primeval attraction response, leftover from hunter gatherer times. So perhaps some men react to a big, dominant looking male by seeing him as a challenge/threat?Especially if he's attracting lots of female attention. Has your DH tried wearing baggy clothes so his physique is less noticeable, if he wants to blend in?

I don't like tattoos on women, nothing judgemental, just personal taste. I think they need to be stretched over muscle to look good. I still think of them as male decoration. My friend has some but they look wrinkly on her and you can't see the picture clearly.

I can't look at facial piercings (other than nose and ears) because they make me feel squeamish. Maybe I'm just not used to them. I work with a lady who has 3 little studs in her chin, no idea how they stay in. I would never mention it but it does make talking to her difficult as I'm trying to avoid looking at the studs!

speakout · 04/01/2018 08:40

objectively

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 08:43

it is nothing more than a fashion, a craze

And of course you're (or he...) is assuming everyone gets them because they want to follow a fashion.

Which is, of course, nonsense

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 04/01/2018 08:44

I don’t know about others, but our tattoos are not a fashion statement. His Polynesian tattoos are thousands of year old tradition.

OP posts:
speakout · 04/01/2018 08:48

I see loads of people with tattoos at the gym.
Many women, all with these uniform inkings on their bodies, dates across the back of the neck or inside forearm, stars behind the ears, lots of doodles on the ankles, stars, roses, dolphins - how depressingly uniform.
From a distance they all look like bad bruises.

Last year on holiday there was a woman with a large pink watercolour tattoo on her back. From a distance my DD saw her and said " Poor woman - that's a bad burn"

It was similar to this

Amanduh · 04/01/2018 08:50

Japanese tattoos? When we visited Japan people with tattoos were ostracised and you weren't allowed on the beach, in the gym or swimming pool with them. And now they're only allowed to be done by doctors aren't they? Tattoos aren't cultural or traditional in Japan Confused unless you're a criminal..they were banned totally until about 1950... they are definitely still stigmatised! A tattoo of a traditional japanese object is different to a 'cultural' tattoo.

Anyway, this thread is full of nasty comments towards people with and without tattoos now, pointless. I personally don't like them but wouldn't be bothered by anyone else having them.

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 08:58

it is nothing more than a fashion, a craze

And of course you're (or he...) is assuming everyone gets them because they want to follow a fashion.

Which is, of course, nonsense

speakout · 04/01/2018 09:01

*And of course you're (or he...) is assuming everyone gets them because they want to follow a fashion.
*

So just a huge coincidence... Hmm

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 09:03

Erm, i got tattoos despite my grandparents (even great grandfather) & parents having them. I don't look at them as an age thing. Nothing about following a trend either; none of my tattoos are out of the books, all have been designed by myself, my brother or in collaberation with an artist. If it were about following the trend then surely the designs would all be the same too? For me my tats are about expression. I have one planned that will represent my battle with self harm & MH; to me it will be wholly personal & will mean something different to what most people 'see'

speakout · 04/01/2018 09:07

You are naiive if you think we are not subject to fashion or trends.

Whether it's clothes, interior design, garden design, kitchen appliances,shoes hairstyles, make up etc, - all are influnced by fashion, zeitgeist.
It's impossible even to go and buy a kettle in ASDA without being subject to fashion trends.
Even those of us who try to be anti fashion are subject to these influences.
It's silly to assume otherwise.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 04/01/2018 09:07

I think it’s probably his physical presence, almost everyone (not me)these days has a tattoo.

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 09:07

So just a huge coincidence

SOME people get them for fashion reason. Some don't. Your sons supposition that everyone who gets them is following the herd is patently inaccurate.

But then I probably thought I knew enough to psychoanalyse people when I was 20 too Grin

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 09:09

Yeah i got my tats cos they went well with my shoes that day 🙄 Tattoos are like art; everybody interprets them differently. I wouldn't say art is fashion because it is so subjective

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 09:09

It's impossible even to go and buy a kettle in ASDA without being subject to fashion trends

Of course it is. I go online: sort with price and pick the cheapest. Nothing in my house is here because it's "in vogue". It's here because I like it or because it's cheap and does the job.

Same with my wardrobe. In fact I find it very difficult to shop simply because on the main, mainstream fashion isn't to my taste. I buy a lot on eBay.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 09:10

Jacques same here. Frankly if I could replicate my Uni days & wear my PJs 24/7 i wouldn't bother with normal clothing!

speakout · 04/01/2018 09:11

Interesting to see the companies involved in the manufacture of laser tattoo removal equipment are rubbing their hands together atm.

With 20% of people with tattoos now seeking laser removal, the numbers are expected to soar in the next dacade,.

Might be worth a punt.

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