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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to tell his wife?

105 replies

ffab · 02/01/2018 23:43

Father of DD's school friend asked me if I could babysit their two children. They sometimes pick DD up after school for me so I was happy to reciprocate.

I don't know him well but talk to his wife at the school gates and our DD's get on well. She's a nurse and sometimes works nights.

He brought the kids round in their pyjamas at 9pm. I suggested it might be better for them to stay the night. But he said he'd come back the same evening.

He picked them up around midnight and as he was leaving asked me not to mention to his wife that I had babysat.

Very annoyed to have been out in this position. AIBU to tell her?

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 02/01/2018 23:44

Ooo difficult one. Instinct says he's cheating and you saying something is going to open up a huge can of worms.
Surely the kids will say something themselves?

AnotherWorry · 02/01/2018 23:45

Tell her. That'll teach the little fucker for putting you such an awful predicament!

Weezol · 02/01/2018 23:46

What was he up to for those three hours and why is it a secret? I would definitely tell her - don't be complicit in his deception.

Mrsknackered · 02/01/2018 23:46

Either he is bribing the kids or they're mute. My DS would spill the bins in seconds.

Withhindsight · 02/01/2018 23:48

Hmmm if she asks tell her and don't lie. Next time you see him regardless, tell him not to ask you again if it's something he does not want his wife to know.

Mrsknackered · 02/01/2018 23:48

Sorry not the question. Your loyalties are with her, as the one you know better. So you should tell her, but make it clear you do not want the backlash!

IrkThePurist · 02/01/2018 23:51

He's being pretty stupid expecting the kids to keep quiet. My blabbermouths would have put paid to any thing like that.

You can't win whatever you do. If you keep quiet and she finds out, she'll think you are on his side. If you say something you'll be stirring up trouble.

PaperdollCartoon · 02/01/2018 23:51

Ouch, that is really tricky. He shouldn’t have asked such a confidence of you, especially if you’re not close friends. I would be inclined to tell the wife, but perhaps ‘in passing’ rather than ‘your husband told me not to tell you but...’

SleightOfMind · 02/01/2018 23:51

What a horrible position to put you in!
That is a bizarre thing to do on so many levels.
Definitely tell his DW if she asks you - which she will unless he’s discovered a memory spell for primary aged children!

kaytee87 · 02/01/2018 23:52

I think the kids will defo tell her. When she asks you, don't lie.

debbs77 · 02/01/2018 23:53

Could he have been sorting a surprise gift for her or something?

Cbaanymore123 · 02/01/2018 23:53

Just assume she knows so you don't have to go out your way to tell her and you don't need to lie (as much)

I would be pissed off aswell.

Hopefully the kids spill the beans.

MiddleClassProblem · 02/01/2018 23:53

But what if she’s actually controlling and abusive, what if he was sorting out a surprise for her, what if...

Negative answers: cheating, out with his mates, gambling when an addict.

I dunno. It really go either way but I too would be surprised if the kids never said anything. Even yours at their house.

I probably wouldn’t say anything tbh.

kaytee87 · 02/01/2018 23:54

Could he have been sorting a surprise gift for her or something?

Between 9 & midnight?

loveablether · 02/01/2018 23:57

He's put you In a right awkward position. Was he drinking or anything? Look smart like he was going out?

MilesHuntsWig · 02/01/2018 23:57

I think be up front with him. Tell him you feel uncomfortable and, unless there’s a good reason you’re not going to cover for him if asked. I’d be surprised if the kids didn’t mention it though...

Original poster
ffab · 03/01/2018 00:00

Could he have been sorting a surprise gift for her or something?. At short notice? at 9pm at night? Doubt it.

Apart from kids who go to the same school I don't have that much in common with his DW but she's pleasant enough and this is the first time I have been asked to babysit.

I have no idea if or how he's bribed the kids. Just really pissed off that he's put me in this predicament.

If he mentioned the secrecy before he dropped the kids off with me I cloud have refused.

OP posts:
AnotherWorry · 03/01/2018 00:04

It's doesn't really matter why he's lying to his wife. And it doesn't matter what trouble might be caused by you not keeping his secret. These things aren't your problem.

What is your problem is this cheeky fucker thinks you're a good one for taking his kids off him at a ridiculous time of night and compromising your integrity for him.

No way. You owe him nothing. He's taking the piss and if you do his dirty work for him, he'll be back for more.

If you'd found out something by accident, I'd be the first to say don't get involved. But he got you involved. I'd be furious.

Adelina15 · 03/01/2018 00:04

Just 'let it slip' perhaps...

Eltonjohnssyrup · 03/01/2018 00:05

It's not necessarily cheating. The wife could be drunk and he needed to work.

AnotherWorry · 03/01/2018 00:05

Can you really look his wife in the eyes at school and keep his secret for him? I couldn't.

kaytee87 · 03/01/2018 00:07

It's not necessarily cheating. The wife could be drunk and he needed to work

Why would he ask op to keep it secret then?

BMW6 · 03/01/2018 00:07

What did you say in reply to his request?
Personally I think I'd have to tell her ......

Chchchchangeabout · 03/01/2018 00:07

I would tell him no way, that's ridiculous and odd.

Original poster
ffab · 03/01/2018 00:08

Was he drinking or anything? Look smart like he was going out?. Didn't seem to have been drinking and didn't look particularly smart. He called me from his home phone to ask me to babysit so I don't have his mobile number. Other than asking me not to mention it to his wife there was nothing suspicious about the situation. He seemed very relaxed but then I hardly know him.

OP posts:
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