I asked my guest to leave my home.

[bubblesdrew]

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

I love a good tour and I always offer one but it ain't compulsory and I would never ask if I didn't know the host well.

Asking 3 times and then snooping is very very rude.

Interesting viewpoints - I've always thought it was really crass to offer a tour of your house but I don't mind at all when people ask to look around mine (they often do, its quite interesting). Asking if people want to look around is just boastful isn't it?

Oh god, do you? Yes, our house is a very interesting old house and it has so much potential

Oh me too. I 💕 period, with a bit of wear and tear. I’d be in raptures. 👍

But Lass, seriously, why do you feel the need to look around someone’s bedroom? I am genuinely baffled as to why you would find it interesting?

The situation here is a one off new build in a field. What is so difficult to understand that many posters would find the architecture interesting? The same applies to say a stable or barn conversion. I find it really bizarre that for some of you the default assumption is "snooping" rather than being interested in what you did with the building. As Frogsoup said , totally misreading it.

As several posters have said they would have assumed a random invitation to a New Year's Eve dinner was to show off the house. The OP does actually sound quite rude in the way she declined it.

If finding other people’le houses not remotely fascinating then fine

But many people think it is polite to take an interest. They may not be "fascinated" in your new, but ordinary, house however taking a friendly interest is viewed in the same way as listening politely while you talk about where you have been on holiday or how your children are doing at school. You go around making polite "Oh" noises and commenting about the lovely view from upstairs and how much nice cupboard space they have and so on. All so normal.

@ButchyRestingFace
Oh me too. I 💕 period, with a bit of wear and tear. I’d be in raptures. 👍

Well I hope you won't mind the clutter then. Don't get me wrong I love our house but there is no built-in storage right now. We'll get that done with the next project, when we have the budget again. So apart form wardrobes and a chests of drawers a lot of things are in storage boxes
or simply 'on show'. This is one reason why I don't like people walking into the bedrooms. The bedrooms are the worst.
But they're quirky. Very quirky.

I also work from home so there's loads of paperwork around too.

I always fear people will judge me and think I'm a slob

Asking if people want to look around is just boastful isn't it?

I’d be a touch affronted if you didn’t. Obv not to the same extent as OP’s dinner guest.

It seems like this may be one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” polarising situations.

Well I hope you won't mind the clutter then

Not a problem. That’s exactly what I like. 👍

It’s the sterile, modern, everything-matches homes I can’t be doing with.

Well I love houses, architecture layout, the interior design - I love crumbing old houses as well as shiny new glass constructions.

I love a good tour of someones house.

I don't think it's weird because I'm a private person Lass, I just think it's odd to want to see over house which has no particular historical or architectural significance or interesting art or furniture.

When we built onto our house a couple of people showed an interest in how we'd gone about mixing the very modern new part with the very old original, but those were conversations about conservation, modern architecture, planning consent for listed buildings etc., no one ever asked us how big the new bedrooms were or whether they could have a gander at the dressing room or walk in wardrobe. It's bizarre. Having said that it's equally bizarre that the OP would just say 'No' with no attempt at social niceties, and would then cause a scene by asking an invited guest to leave.

@dailyshite I just didn't feel the need to give an explanation I just said no.

I couldn't have been more hospitable otherwise. She was wined and dined and I got to know her very well. It's my home. It cost me a lot of money and I don't want anyone looking around. It's all for my husband & I! :)

@charliesierra The reason she was asked to leave is because she got as far as the closet trying to be sneaky on the way to my bedroom. I don't care who a person is. If you are told you aren't going to be shown around a house you DO NOT go and look yourself. She had been told, she broke our trust and was asked to go home.

No, it’s the way she said it that was rude.

She was asked and said No.

That wasn't rude.

She was asked AGAIN.

She said no. Again.

Also not rude.

She was asked YET AGAIN.

She said No. her H stepped in and said that there would be No Tour.

That was not rude. Either of OP or of her H.

No IS a complete sentence. It's not rude to say no. No explanation necessary, no is no.

In spite of this, the woman sneaked upstairs into the main bedroom.

Now THAT is rude.

Asking them to leave is the only option. It doesn't matter if there is a culture of house tours or not, the woman asked, the OP said no. that's her prerogative.

I love a tour and I'm not Scottish

In our circle we give tours when we've just moved into a new place/renovated. I probably wouldn't to a normal dinner guest - but I wouldn't refuse a request of one unless it was really messy.

We have quite an interesting old house though. I imagine this woman was just interested to see the newly built house 2 fields away from her. I wouldn't have thrown her out.

@FluffyWuffy100
I love crumbing old houses

Our house is definitely crumbling. I just feel embarrassed that we haven't managed to get all the renovation work we wanted/planned done and we've lived here for over a decade. The bedrooms on our top floor are in a right state.
But, as I said earlier, old houses can be a real money pit, and we get the work done bit by bit. It's a slow process and it takes so long! I feel I'm running out of patience sometimes.
But it is a great old house.

What did she say when she was asked to leave?

You intimate she was grumpy - dying to know what she said!

I still want to know why you refused a tour... you invite strangers into your newly built home, you can expect them to want to see what you've done with the place. As far as I can tell, you didn't even have a good reason for not wanting to show them round. I don't get it.

But she was wrong to take herself off for a look after you'd said no. Maybe the curiosity as to why she wasn't allowed was too much for her!

I've never really thought about it, but I've always had a little tour of the new house on first visit whenever someone I know moves. Even my sisters new little studio flat.

I'd never ask, but it's so totally normal a routine; come in, take your coat of, do the tour and then get on with the evening.

I'm not that interested, but I always do it.

In fact Come Dine With Me has eeked out series after series on the the social custom of going for dinner and having a look around.

But yeah; no means no for whatever reason and to mooch around on your own regardless is nuts.

Your house, your rules. Others don't have to like it.

Why would someone be so keen to look around someone else's house anyway? So keen that they actually sneaked around?! What were they looking for? That is just weird behaviour!

I don't agree that a tour had to be given (why?! It is your home not a place you are selling) or have to explain your reasons. I think we are conditioned to believe that "no" is rude without giving a reason, but that just opens up a conversation and gives the would be trespasser something to argue about...

You: "No, I'd rather not, there is a child upstairs..."
Nosy Neighbour: "oh I won't disturb them..."

You: "No, I'd rather not, I haven't tidied up..."
Nosy Neighbour: "oh I don't care..."

Why give someone that much power over your life?! No is a no.

@dailyshite I just didn't feel the need to give an explanation I just said no.

I would find the ‘no’ without further explanation rude.

Having said that, I wouldn’t have strangers over for NYE and would have sent her packing for less than you did.

When my parents did an extension a few years ago they had a party when it was all over and invited the neighbours in for a look. The main reason for the party was to say sorry for the disruption while the work was going on. Everyone loved it - and they didn't know all of them well at all. But that was in Dublin where, in fairness, the work had been reasonably disruptive on their cul de sac not that everyone else hasn't done it too in the last five years. The planners have totally lost the plot in my view.

But YWNBU OP. Mum wouldn't be offering tours to randomers now, a couple of years on.

Also Scottish and a wee tour is the norm here. In fact, if I'd been invited to a self build I'd assume this was the purpose of the visit.

OP perfectly entitled to say no though. The weird thing is the paradox between the generosity of the invitation then the attitude to the tour once the guest came.

Hissy I don't think anyone has disagreed that guest was rude, the interesting division is whether asking in the first place was ok.

I agree re the snooping language wizard. How interested do people think others are in their private lives? They really don't care! I like houses, couldn't care less about your possessions, mess or suchlike. I'd be least interested in looking at an immaculate Barratt box with feature wall, most interested in a crumbling old cottage like pax's!

YANBU at ALL. For goodness sake, how RUDE was she.

I have just moved house and everybody that has set foot over the threshold has been offered a tour, mainly so that I can ask advice on paint colours or new furniture etc.
BUT, my very best pal has lived in her house for 15 years and I have only ever been upstairs once in all that time. I do not feel affronted and certainly don’t feel that I can take myself off for a good old snoop...and that is my very best pal.

Seriously rude of your neighbour.