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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have shouted at colleague?

142 replies

YeahYeahz · 02/01/2018 19:57

I work with a woman who starts off her sentences normally and then tailors off into a whispered mumble so you can't understand what she's saying. It's like she starts off knowing she's speaking to other people but then forgets and thinks she's only talking to herself. I've tried being patient for months now but it's so frustrating. Just before Christmas I lost my rag with her and said "I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying!" So she seemed to instantly snap out of it and repeated what she was saying in a clear, normal tone! It didn't stop her doing it though and I find my patience getting shorter and shorter.

Over Christmas I've listened intently and then as soon as the mumbling starts I jump in with "sorry??" And everytime she snaps out of it and resumes normal tone.

Today she started saying:

"I was thinking, rather than us doing the spa weekend we could try a thing in the dhstghbkkfdsgbvgjjbn......." so I shouted "WHAT???" As usual she snapped out of it but sending my irritance said "are you ok?". I replied something along the lines of "yes I'm sorry I snapped but I can't understand a word you're saying when you start mumbling like that!". She said she hadn't realised she was mumbling but has been funny with me ever since. As I said I've tried being patient for months but I find her so tiring and frustrating to talk to! It's like I have to concentrate 10 fold to understand the gist of what she's saying before the mumbling starts. Should I not have said anything???

OP posts:
ShimmeringBollox · 02/01/2018 19:59

This reply has been deleted

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CremeFresh · 02/01/2018 19:59

Well , I don't think shouting helps .

Katescurios · 02/01/2018 20:00

You shouldn't have shouted it was rude and unprofessional. Saying something would have been fine but there was no need to be rude.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 02/01/2018 20:00

Yes, completely BU.

ShimmeringBollox · 02/01/2018 20:00

I am a right cantankerous bastard and even I wouldn't have done that.

MyDcAreMarvel · 02/01/2018 20:00

What a horrible way to behave , your colleague sounds like she has anxiety. Are you normally a bully?

TenancyTroublesAgain · 02/01/2018 20:01

I get why you were annoyed and see why you snapped but I'd also be funny with you because I'm petty like that. 😂

WizardOfToss · 02/01/2018 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Berrygoodteeth · 02/01/2018 20:02

I talk incredibly fast but am very aware of it. When I realise I’m talking fast I can snap out of it and talk at a slower pace but the fast pace is totally unconscious. But there is nothing more upsetting and embarrassing than someone bringing it up to my face. It puts me off my stride and makes me feel SO self conscious and makes me never want to speak again. So yeah, you were BU to snap and shout at her- she clearly wasn’t doing it deliberately.

Pickleypickles · 02/01/2018 20:02

I think step one should of been "do you know you mumble?" (Or something less blunt) rather than subtle "sorrys" and then shouting at the poor girl. She probably thought you were deaf not that she was mumbling 😂

Allthetuppences · 02/01/2018 20:03

Do you usually drift off when people ars talking? I am confused that you say you need to concentrate especially hard BEFORE she gets quieter.
Most people find my speaking voice too quiet. I do have to make an extra effort when outside the home to be heard. Which is draining and I find it stressful. I also get very nervous when people make a thing out of it. The people who find me most frustrati g are those with hearing problems long term and temporary. If this is more annoying for you have you got a cold? Sore ears?

monkeywithacowface · 02/01/2018 20:03

Well yes shouting and humiliating her was a cunt move. You could have tried something radical like I don't know gently pointing it out to her but being direct about what it is she does exactly.

RaptorsCantPlayPoker · 02/01/2018 20:03

You were very rude and you owe her an apology.

There’s ways to say things without being disrespectful, imagine how you’d like tI be told if you had a speech habit that irritated someone. Shouting wasn’t acceptable or professional. I doubt you’d have spoken to a manager like that.

Louiselouie0890 · 02/01/2018 20:03

what's wrong with just saying you tend to mumble and I struggle to hear instead of going through an irritating few months leading to you snapping. I don't get it.

Glumglowworm · 02/01/2018 20:04

Saying something is not unreasonable but that’s not actually what you did. Shouting at a colleague is very unreasonable and unprofessional.

Apologise for snapping and do it without blaming her like you did earlier. Just say “I’m sorry I snapped at you yesterday” and either give some bland reason that blames yourself (stressed, tired, whatever) or if you’re incapable of that then just end the sentence.

LittleLionMansMummy · 02/01/2018 20:04

It sounds irritating, but she probably has issues with confidence which you will have done nothing to resolve by shouting at her like a school ma'am at her pupil.

monkeywithacowface · 02/01/2018 20:05

On the upside OP she probably won't want to talk to you much anymore so problem solved

NotACleverName · 02/01/2018 20:05

YWBAA (you were being an arsehole).

Mxyzptlk · 02/01/2018 20:05

At least you apologised.

Maybe apologise again and explain that she may not have realised it but she does this trailing off into a mumble thing.

Say something nice about her work and that it's only this one thing that can make things difficult.

Amanduh · 02/01/2018 20:05

You were a twat.

ClareB83 · 02/01/2018 20:07

I think she's rude. Just speak so people can hear you. Not surprised you snapped.

I have a rule where I'll ask someone nicely to speak up two or three times in a conversation and after that I'll nod, smile and ignore them.

KarmaStar · 02/01/2018 20:08

Understandable OP that she was driving you insane,everyone lashes out at times,when you see her next say something like"im sorry I was rude the other day,I was being really grumpy and I apologize"hopefully she will accept your apology and you can move on.you might even be able to have a chat with her if she senses you are sincere and you'll be able to find out why she does this and help her to overcome her shyness(if that's what it is).Good luck

worryingalldaylong · 02/01/2018 20:09

Festinating speech (which is what you described) is a speech pattern part of Parkinson's disease. Would you of shouted at someone who stuttered, or had a lisp, or any other pattern outside the norm.

You sound really horrible.

sonjadog · 02/01/2018 20:09

I have a colleague who does this so I have insight into how annoying it can be. I haven't shouted at him but I can see how I could be driven to it. I have told him a number of times that I cannot hear what he is saying. I suggest you go back to your colleague and apologize for the shouting, but say you are finding it frustrating because you are having trouble hearing her. Present it something that you have a problem with, rather than something that she is doing wrong.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/01/2018 20:14

You sound like an absolute arsehole. Why not converse with her like a human being and explain the issue? Or say 'sorry I didn't quite catch the end there' at a normal volume?
No wonder she's being funny with you - you sound totally antisocial.
I'm sure you will won't appreciate the direct and to the point replies you will get on here since that's your preferred form of communication.