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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shouted at colleague?

142 replies

YeahYeahz · 02/01/2018 19:57

I work with a woman who starts off her sentences normally and then tailors off into a whispered mumble so you can't understand what she's saying. It's like she starts off knowing she's speaking to other people but then forgets and thinks she's only talking to herself. I've tried being patient for months now but it's so frustrating. Just before Christmas I lost my rag with her and said "I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying!" So she seemed to instantly snap out of it and repeated what she was saying in a clear, normal tone! It didn't stop her doing it though and I find my patience getting shorter and shorter.

Over Christmas I've listened intently and then as soon as the mumbling starts I jump in with "sorry??" And everytime she snaps out of it and resumes normal tone.

Today she started saying:

"I was thinking, rather than us doing the spa weekend we could try a thing in the dhstghbkkfdsgbvgjjbn......." so I shouted "WHAT???" As usual she snapped out of it but sending my irritance said "are you ok?". I replied something along the lines of "yes I'm sorry I snapped but I can't understand a word you're saying when you start mumbling like that!". She said she hadn't realised she was mumbling but has been funny with me ever since. As I said I've tried being patient for months but I find her so tiring and frustrating to talk to! It's like I have to concentrate 10 fold to understand the gist of what she's saying before the mumbling starts. Should I not have said anything???

OP posts:
saveforthat · 02/01/2018 22:23

I work with a man who does exactly the same. It's incredibly frustrating so although you shouldn't have shouted, I can sympathise.

limitedperiodonly · 02/01/2018 22:51

I would have filed a grievance

Good luck with that RavingRoo. Human Resources are not referees

streetlife70s · 03/01/2018 05:10

I’m clearly not a nice person. It would have pissed me off till I snapped too OP.

Talk properly or bugger off irritating person! Wink

Puppyduppydoo · 03/01/2018 05:22

streetlife I have a fairly serious speech impediment so I am unable to ‘talk properly* but at least I’m not a cunt.

steff13 · 03/01/2018 05:37

I’m clearly not a nice person. It would have pissed me off till I snapped too OP.

What would stop you from addressing it with the person calmly before you snapped, like an adult in a professional work environment would do?

DottyS · 03/01/2018 05:41

I’m clearly not a nice person. no argument here

Shadow666 · 03/01/2018 05:50

I get frustrated with mumblers too. I also say I have poor hearing. The doctor says my hearing is fine, but I really doubt myself as sometimes I havent a clue what people are saying.Stick to emailing?

streetlife70s · 03/01/2018 08:04

I have a fairly serious speech impediment so I am unable to ‘talk properly but at least I’m not a cunt.*

Who knows you may be. I’d have to have a third party assessment on that.

I thought the post post would be taken in the slightly tounge in cheek, solidarity with the OP for losing her rag and not being perfect spirit it was meant.

But hey, this is Mumsnet AIBU. I should have known Grin

Jamboree05 · 03/01/2018 08:14

Oh my christ. OP, even your replying post makes you seem like an arsehole.

  1. You never shout at a colleague.
  1. You're passive aggressive crusade of saying 'what' or 'sorry' every time she mumbles can be seen as bullying.
  1. You're not even her manager!! Her manager should be bringing this up with her and supporting her to sort it.
  1. You have no idea if this woman suffers from anxiety or some other MH issue, and you're taking the piss.
  1. A quiet word with her to say I'm struggling to understand you when you do this' would have been loads better than embarrassing her.

The fact that you even have to come on here and ask if shouting at a colleague is appropriate is fucking ridiculous.

Grow up, OP. Shitty shitty thing to do.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 03/01/2018 08:36

Your “sorry?” before she’s finished her sentence tactic sounds really rude and I’d think you were being quite intimidating if I overheard you doing this to a colleague. The “WHAT?” is worse.

Just ignore her if it bothers you so much.

Jaygee61 · 03/01/2018 09:10

Just ignore her if it bothers you so much.

You can’t ignore people in a work situation. They may be giving you information that is vital to you doing your work properly.

I also work with someone who is extremely quietly spoken and I find it frustrating at times. They won’t raise their voice even when there is background noise. They are perfectly normal on the phone. I do sometimes wonder if they are doing it for effect! They are senior to me so I can’t shout at them - which I wouldn’t anyway, but I understand the frustration it causes.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 03/01/2018 09:14

Fine, have a polite word. Basically, don’t be so rude and intimidating. If the op can’t control herself enough not to “shout at a colleague” in the middle of work, then that’s a bit of a problem.

lljkk · 03/01/2018 09:22

I get it. It's very wearing.

I had a colleague who did this. Spoke so softly I couldn't hear or understand. One time he phoned up which meant he had to actually speak clearly & loudly; I could not recognise. I had never heard his voice at normal volume before!! He was an arrogant sod who had a superiority complex about how HE was the modest person who didn't speak loudly unlikely loud American me. I just thought he was an obnoxious prat. One day he just clicked out of the mumble-softness and spoke at normal volume thereafter. I wonder who shouted at him should have done it years earlier.

Would be much worse nowadays that my hearing has degraded, I've lost some frequency range. I wouldn't shout but I could do a blank look and a flat "Sorry, didn't catch a single word of that.... Nope, still have no idea what you said....Maybe you could write it down?"

I'm reading a book about Alva Edison who lost most his hearing before adulthood. He's always scolding folk "80 decibels! I need 80 decibels!" so he can hear folk.

Orchidflower1 · 03/01/2018 09:22

You clearly wanted other people to say it was ok- it wasn’t. I’d apologise ASAP.

PurpleDaisies · 03/01/2018 09:23

Agreeing with everyone on the thread, you were totally out of order.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 03/01/2018 09:29

I know a couple of people like this, they are quite chatty but it's VERY hard to have a conversation with them.
One is a teacher! I really don't understand how on earth she does this job.
Not nice to shout at people though OP. Very unprofessional.

TheNoseyProject · 03/01/2018 09:32

YABU and I’m surprised your Behaviour is tolerated in your work place. I wouldn’t let a team member shouting at another team member pass without making clear it’s completely inappropriate

Oywotchadoin · 03/01/2018 09:34

YANBU. I totally get it. A colleague of mine used to do this, it was a control thing to make you listen more closely. Funnily enough he was also a colossal bellend.

I’d have snapped long ago.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 03/01/2018 09:45

I get frustrated with mumblers too. I also say I have poor hearing. The doctor says my hearing is fine, but I really doubt myself as sometimes I havent a clue what people are saying.Stick to emailing?

Same here. I have trouble hearing what a couple of people I know say. Both of them mumble slightly and speak fast, a combination I find tricky. One even has the added extra of a strong regional accent, and it's embarrassing trying to talk to him as I quite simply can't understand a word he says. Thank god for text!

LemonShark · 03/01/2018 09:49

Oywotchadoin Yes, I've often suspected that speaking unreasonably quietly (especially like this woman who has proven by the start of her sentences she can clearly speak at an appropriate volume) is a control thing, designed to force people to pay you much closer attention and dissuade others from talking while you are so you can be centre of attention.

LemonShark · 03/01/2018 09:51

ps people are often advised to speak more quietly to project an air of authority. Like I'm so important that I don't even need to make an effort to get your attention, I should have it due to my status sort of thing. It fucks me right off, it's so rude and selfish!

Idontdowindows · 03/01/2018 09:58

My tender beloved did that for a while and we realised that it was because he had a hearing problem. A checkup and hearing aids later and he's no longer mumbling.

I'm the one apparently mumbling now, so hearing check in the next month.

Yes, I do think the shouting was rude (but can understand frustration), but I'd sit your colleague down, apologise for shouting and explain that she really is hard to understand and does she realise?

sonjadog · 03/01/2018 09:59

My colleague who does similar is also a colossal bellend, oywotch.

He also sits in the back of meetings and refuses to comment but with a supercilious smile on his face. He's a complete fuckwit.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 03/01/2018 10:00

Ridiculous to assume you know this is “a control thing” tbh. You have no idea. Just learn to control your temper. If this gets you to a point where you can’t help but shout, then that’s honestly your problem, whether it’s a control thing or not.

Cbaanymore123 · 03/01/2018 10:01

Tbh op a lady at my work does this all the time she is ridiculous I literally say SORRY I cannot hear you your to quiet.

Sometimes she has to say it three to four times neither time increasing her volume. It's exhausting most of the time I just ignore her as I cannot cope with a conversation with a mouse.

It's nothing to do with anxiety it's just stupidity.