To have shouted at colleague?

[YeahYeahz]

I work with a woman who starts off her sentences normally and then tailors off into a whispered mumble so you can't understand what she's saying. It's like she starts off knowing she's speaking to other people but then forgets and thinks she's only talking to herself. I've tried being patient for months now but it's so frustrating. Just before Christmas I lost my rag with her and said "I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying!" So she seemed to instantly snap out of it and repeated what she was saying in a clear, normal tone! It didn't stop her doing it though and I find my patience getting shorter and shorter.

Over Christmas I've listened intently and then as soon as the mumbling starts I jump in with "sorry??" And everytime she snaps out of it and resumes normal tone.

Today she started saying:

"I was thinking, rather than us doing the spa weekend we could try a thing in the dhstghbkkfdsgbvgjjbn......." so I shouted "WHAT???" As usual she snapped out of it but sending my irritance said "are you ok?". I replied something along the lines of "yes I'm sorry I snapped but I can't understand a word you're saying when you start mumbling like that!". She said she hadn't realised she was mumbling but has been funny with me ever since. As I said I've tried being patient for months but I find her so tiring and frustrating to talk to! It's like I have to concentrate 10 fold to understand the gist of what she's saying before the mumbling starts. Should I not have said anything???

I think you need to work on your own anger and tolerance of other people's quirks TBH.

You could have brought it up with her directly like a mature adult.

YANBU to say something, but to shout at her - YABVVU. You owe her an apology, big time.

Very rude op. People don't go to work to be abused, and it was abusive. A simple pardon would have sufficed.
I hope she's not a bag of nerves about going back into work tomorrow.

OP, are you Basil Fawlty?

Que

But you know you were unreasonable surely? Surely you know, because I'm completely puzzled otherwise. Don't yell at people, it's not a complex social rule? You could have simple asked her to speak clearer months ago.

There seems to be a lot of shouters in your office. Maybe she's the only one capable of speaking at a normal volume

I think I understand your annoyance OP. My mum does a very similar thing to your colleague and it is infuriating. I interpret it as an attention seeking thing; that if she goes quiet we all have to focus on her, but that could just be my own issues!

That being said, YWBU to shout at a colleague. If we all shouted when work mates were annoying the offices / clinics /shopfloors of the world would never know a moments peace.

Speak to her or message her one last time repeating your apologies and hoping you can move on from this. Then let it go.

How rude! You need to say sorry!!

It' not just local newsreaders StealthPolarBear, Trevor McDonald is famous for it.

Oh is he? I will have to have a google.
Local news usually has a beat-heavy tune in the background, so when you can't hear what they're saying you have some annoying music to listen to.

I think you need to work on your shouting. If I were here I would have filed a grievance.

You are a bully

Well she's have got halfway through filing a grievance then...

Agree with poster who identified it as a characteristic of Parkinson’s Disease. My father developed this having been a normal, though quiet, speaker. The individual will be completely unaware they are doing it. The brain can ‘reset’ momentarily but the fading speech comes back.

I’m not suggesting this colleague has Parkinson’s, just that there are causes for this speech pattern which are not down to ‘mumbling’.

Whatever the cause, your reaction was awful.

When I talk in groups I always think 'no-one gives a shit what I'm saying as I'm boring' so I do sometimes finish sentences in a mumbly or quick way. I am already aware of this and would be mortified if someone pointed it out.

I can understand your frustration but shouting at her is not going to help!

I have a few friends who do this. I've found it's much more effective to say "I'm really sorry but my hearing isn't great and I find it hard to hear you sometimes" so they know to speak a bit more clearly and they feel more like they are doing it to help me rather than because there is something wrong with them.

Did you read any of the replies to your thread OP? Any thoughts on the fact your colleague could have Parkinson’s, hearing problems, anxiousness or any number of personal reasons why she lacks confidence or has a different speech pattern to you? You should learn to control yourself so you don’t shout at your colleagues, no one gets paid enough to listen to your shitty snapping and screeching.

Wow that was really nasty

YABU !

She could have an aniexty disorder that makes her do that. You wouldn't have helped.

I feel awful reading this. You've probably given her a complex if she didn't already have one. Nasty piece of work you are.

How mean! I feel very sorry for your poor colleague. You should most definitely apologise...

There could be a few reasons for her doing this. It could be a neurological condition; the person does not recognise they are getting slower ie quieter until something happens... The cue you being twat. If it could be this there.could be other signs too, such a becoming clumsy, losing her balance, slurring words, loss of manual dexterity etc.

Or, the poor woman senses you don't like her and her confidence nose dives when she realises you aren't interested in what she is saying.

Either way, how can shouting at anyone at work be anything other than unreasonable? If I were your mother I would be feeling quite embarrassed at your lack of awareness!

Sounds really annoying. Especially when you’re expecting it and it happens. But yelling wasn’t great

Dear God, I genuinely think I'd find another job if a colleague ever did something like that to me. Poor woman, sounds like she can't help it. I bet she's absolutely mortified.