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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shouted at colleague?

142 replies

YeahYeahz · 02/01/2018 19:57

I work with a woman who starts off her sentences normally and then tailors off into a whispered mumble so you can't understand what she's saying. It's like she starts off knowing she's speaking to other people but then forgets and thinks she's only talking to herself. I've tried being patient for months now but it's so frustrating. Just before Christmas I lost my rag with her and said "I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying!" So she seemed to instantly snap out of it and repeated what she was saying in a clear, normal tone! It didn't stop her doing it though and I find my patience getting shorter and shorter.

Over Christmas I've listened intently and then as soon as the mumbling starts I jump in with "sorry??" And everytime she snaps out of it and resumes normal tone.

Today she started saying:

"I was thinking, rather than us doing the spa weekend we could try a thing in the dhstghbkkfdsgbvgjjbn......." so I shouted "WHAT???" As usual she snapped out of it but sending my irritance said "are you ok?". I replied something along the lines of "yes I'm sorry I snapped but I can't understand a word you're saying when you start mumbling like that!". She said she hadn't realised she was mumbling but has been funny with me ever since. As I said I've tried being patient for months but I find her so tiring and frustrating to talk to! It's like I have to concentrate 10 fold to understand the gist of what she's saying before the mumbling starts. Should I not have said anything???

OP posts:
MissTeri · 02/01/2018 20:14

My friend has a terrible stutter, I hope they've never had to deal with someone as cuntish as you.

hazell42 · 02/01/2018 20:15

I find this infuriating myself, and once sat through a whole training session with someone who never managed to get out an entire sentence, without it dribbling away into nothing.
I wanted to kill her by the time the session ended.
However, I think it stems from either a lack of confidence by the speaker or an inability to organise their thoughts before they open their mouth.
Either way, screaming WHAT? at the top of your voice, not really very helpful.
Sorry, but you need to find a way to give her the confidence to speak her mind.

Lemontart25 · 02/01/2018 20:16

Whilst frustrating & coming from someone who too would have found that very difficult to handle daily, I think advising her directly would have been a better first action & then if all else failed I could then understand (maybe) your blunt outbursts! Just maybe but I would need to be sure there wasn't a genuine reason first.

I mean how do you know she doesn't suffer from aniexty & it takes her some time to build up the courage to speak & then mid sentence she becomes uncomfortable? Especially if it is something she is querying or challenging.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/01/2018 20:16

Is anyone else having trouble hearing her? If not it could be your hearing that's the issue rather than her mumbling.

ilovesooty · 02/01/2018 20:17

You don't raise your voice to a colleague. Unprofessional and rude.

Viviennemary · 02/01/2018 20:20

Obviously this woman has some sort of problem with co-ordinating her speech. You are being totally vile. I don't think she's doing it deliberately.

cowssheephens · 02/01/2018 20:22

You are extremely horrid! Awful, I'm so glad you are not my colleague.

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/01/2018 20:22

CorbynsBum slightly off topic, but my XH used to speak very very very quietly in a mumble, and accuse me of needing my hearing testing when I had to say 'sorry?' after every single thing he said. He said it was annoying, having to repeat himself.

He had to repeat himself to EVERYBODY ELSE as well, on account of the quiet mumbling, but he never told THEM to get their hearing tested.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/01/2018 20:23

Well that was kind of why I asked if others could hear her.

LemonShark · 02/01/2018 20:25

YANBU to say something and address it. YABU for how you went about it.

DottyS · 02/01/2018 20:29

I think this is one of those situations where you should know that it was wrong to handle this situation this way. I would be "off" with you as well- no-one has the right to shout at a colleague but hopefully you have realised by others' reactions that you were in the wrong.

Mind you this is one of those situations where you shouldn't have had to ask in the first place

Toastedstrudel · 02/01/2018 20:31

You sound like a real peach. You might want to ask those close to you if you tend to speak rather unnecessarily loudly. Could indicate hearing problems. You owe her an apology.

limitedperiodonly · 02/01/2018 20:33

Shouting at her didn't help but I understand the frustration. You apologised. I'd leave it now. I imagine she won't want to be your secret Santa next year Grin

My husband mumbles and it's worse in crowded noisy places because he speaks even more softly and often covers his mouth with his hand so I can't even lip read. It's infuriating. I once knocked his hand away and have definitely told him to stop mumbling more times than I can remember.

He can't help it. He's been brought up to believe that raising your voice is rude among other daft rules about manners, such as asking a direct question. But it's so frustrating when you're in a busy restaurant and can hear every word said by the people on the next table and can't have a conversation with him

scrolling123 · 02/01/2018 20:33

I do this sometimes, and its something I work hard on to not do.
It usually happens when I am saying something to a few people and then fear that no one is listening / interested (confidence issues I expect) and sort of fade myself out.
Maybe engage in her conversation more rather than shout at her!

KurriKurri · 02/01/2018 20:34

I havememory problems and I sometimes sort of tail off when I'm speaking because I lose my thread - is this perhaps your colleagues problem. I am aware I do it though and usually say 'sorry I've forgotten what I;m saying'

It does sound an unusual way of speaking so there could well be some reason behind it.

Anyway obviously shouting at her was wrong - if you draw attention to the way someone speaks like that it will make them very self conscious and they migth just stop speaking to you out of embarrassment.

SnackSnackEatAndCrave · 02/01/2018 20:37

Sometimes I tail off when my words come out faster than my brain can't catch up. I'm really self conscious about it but after almost 30 years I haven't been able to fix it. I also have a colleague like you who is a horrible intolerant cow and she's made me cry on my way home more than once.
YABU. I hope somebody shouts at your flaws.

DownstairsMixUp · 02/01/2018 20:38

I did laugh at this (Kill me) But i think you know you were a bit mean, just say sorry and be clear that you sometimes find it hard to understand her. Maybe she has some anxiety issues or something.

Teufelsrad · 02/01/2018 20:38

YABVU. Yes, it can be frustrating when you can't understand people but many people have problems with their speech and can't help it. There's no excuse for such rudeness.

I have trouble modulating my voice at times, so I often speak too quietly, and occasionally at a much greater volume than intended. My hearing is fine, but I have dyspraxia and my brain does not process sound correctly, so my 'feedback loop' does not work as well as it should. I can't help it, and while I understand how frustrating it can be, shouting at people will only make matters worse. It certainly won't improve them.

Tryingtodoitall · 02/01/2018 20:40

My neighbour (now friend) is like this - the reason being she suffers with severe anxiety. If this is the case for your colleague, you'll have just made it even worse.

StealthPolarBear · 02/01/2018 20:40

Local newsreaders do this
"a MAN earlier TODAY was caught up in a robbery... ... SEVENTEEN CHICKENS... .... And in the FOOTBALL

missyB1 · 02/01/2018 20:40

Oh mumblers drive me over the edge!! But you should have tried to have a diplomatic word with her just the two of you and told her how difficult it is to hear her.

lurkingnotlurking · 02/01/2018 20:43

I agree with confidence issues. I frequently find myself sounding stupid mid-sentence as I start to think that no one is actually interested in anything I say. So yes, unprofessional, rude and you've probably made things worse for her.

cloudyweewee · 02/01/2018 20:45

You could probably have done it in a nicer way, but what's done is done. If she continues to mumble, just ignore her.

Andylion · 02/01/2018 20:47

OP, does anyone else have this problem hearing her? I am surprised that she has never been told this before.

I mumble and speak very quickly. I know I do this. When people ask me to repeat myself, (after a long day, I get even worse!) I know it’s because of the way I speak.

Shouting was not on, but someone should have addressed her way of speaking.

Original poster
YeahYeahz · 02/01/2018 20:50

Yeah other people have mentioned it. She once did it to our manager:

"I was working on that assignment last night and I suddenly hgdsthvcdhjjfdy" manager looked severely confused and shouted "eh???" 😂

OP posts:
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