to ask you to PLEASE teach your children about autism

[CrochetBelle]

Apparently 'autistic' is now being used as an insult by teenagers - who really should know better.

Do your children know what autism is? Autism is not 'sitting in a corner rocking'. Autism is not 'Sheldon Cooper'. Autism is a whole spectrum and affects people to varying degrees. It does affect people though. There is no such thing as mild autism.

Schools are continuously waving the 'autism accredited' flag these days, with mandatory training on ASD. Don't get me wrong, that's great progress, but when you ask them what they are teaching the children? Nothing.

There is a whole host of accurate, reliable information out there about autism, and what it means. Please make sure your children are aware. Ignorance is no excuse.

@CrochetBelle that’s appalling, and the school response is as bad if not worse!

That's only the tip of the iceberg. The getting out early was my suggestion, the school didn't offer anything beyond "Oh that's not okay". DD can't identify any of the kids involved (or the ones involved in throwing things at her in the playground, or the ones kicking her in the back when she is hanging out with her 'supported group' at breaktimes), white shirt, patterned tie, black trousers - everyone looks the same to her!

The school are enabling the abuse of a young girl with a disability she never asked for and can’t do anything about. That’s abhorrent.

Yup. GIRFEC indeed.

We need people to understand that it doesn't matter if they don't mean it, it doesn't matter if they just (loudly) say it to their friends. That it isn't just part of being a teenager.

Every time your child (or you) uses a derogatory term designed to mock or ridicule a disabled person, it hurts. Every time someone calls someone else a retard, or a mong, it damages. While your child thinks they are just trying to be cool in front of their mates, the world becomes even harder for my child, and for parents like me who just want to get my children through life in one piece.

DS1 is 12 and began high school in September just gone. I'd fully expected there to be all sorts of issues with his ASD and reduced my hours teaching in order to be at home more for him. It turns out his school have been incredible and supported his transition well, well enough for us to not really need to do much; on the rare occasion another child has been rude to DS1 about his ASD the school (and DS1's peers in his tutor group, many of whom are older as it's a vertical group) have addressed it and ensured it's not been repeated.

I think for all that parents can do and say at home, a great deal of teen attitude and behaviour towards ASD and disabilities in general comes down to schools and peers. If schools are fortunate enough to have the resources, time and manpower to come down like a tonne of bricks on this, is bodes well. For all that parents can talk things through and deal with issues at home, there's more power and more strength when peers are the ones saying "who the fuck are you speaking to".

So no, I wouldn't put this solely on the shoulders of parents. Some of it must come from home but a huge part of how children and young people behave is down to the influences outside the home. Tackling that is so much more than simply parents teaching their children.

Every time your child (or you) uses a derogatory term designed to mock or ridicule a disabled person, it hurts. Every time someone calls someone else a retard, or a mong, it damages. While your child thinks they are just trying to be cool in front of their mates, the world becomes even harder for my child, and for parents like me who just want to get my children through life in one piece

This, absolutely this.

So looks like I'm out. Mumsnet have decided quote "as we just don't think your posts are helping anyone" end quote and have decided to suspend my account.

Fucking educate them indeed.

Me and my retarded children shall just go back to our rock. Wouldn't want to upset the towns-folk.

@CrochetBelle are you in Scotland or is GIRFEC UK wife?

Wide not wife!

Me and my retarded children shall just go back to our rock. Wouldn't want to upset the towns-folk.

OP please don't imagine that a majority of people on MN feel that way, and please don't think that your suggestions and thoughts won't change anything. One person's voice can do so much, please don't forget how important your voice is.

Honestly Crochet, in cases like that I think they should be prosecuted for a hate crime just as they would if they did it to a strange in the street.

*stranger

Mumsnet!!!
bad call.

CrochetBelle is taking a hard line, why shouldn't she, she is dealing with this every day.

I have been given a 'robust' time on this thread. It is fine, I chose to come on here and post.

Please don't postpone her account because of this thread

If I am right I suspect MNHQ has suspended @CrochetBelle for the comment about another poster’s son deserving to have the shit kicked out of him. While I don’t condone the comment (and said so at the time) I can absolutely see how Crochet has been driven to the level of despair and desperation which led to that comment.

@MNHQ please could you reconsider? I may be wrong, but I don’t think she actually meant that she wanted a child to get battered and was projecting because of the severe abuse her child has endured with no support from school. I’m not condoning the comment, but isolating and marginalising parents who are really struggling isn’t helpful, especially when there are disablist comments left to stand regularly on here and indeed on this thread.

@CrochetBelle is a Mum at the end of her tether, not a person who advocates battering children. Please @MNHQ, reconsider the suspension?

@Eltonjohnssyrup I tried that when DS1 was battered with sticks in the street because he’s “weird” a “freak” and several of the worst words to describe a disabled person. Fuck all happened, beyond me getting charged with “causing fear and alarm in a public place” for kicking off at the little bastard and his cunt of a mother. We’ve had to move house and leave the area because agencies couldn’t give a shit about hate crime.

That incident was the culmination of 18 months of targeted bullying of DS1 btw, including throwing bricks at him in our own back garden.

It was my son she said it about, and I responded on the thread and I am a big girl and can take it.

and while I resonded strongly, I really do get why she feels so strongly, and don't blame her.

and reading this thread has made me think again about whether or not I am doing enough.

I have asked mn to reconsider too.

(wasn't me who reported)

@MNHQ This is an overreaction based on something Crochet said in the frustrating heat of the moment. If you read through the full thread it's absolutely not who she is.

My child sat next to a child with autism for four years, played with a child with autism in our street for most of his time in junior school. Now he's in high school, there are many children with autism in his school as it's an all inclusive school. He really does not need any training on what autism is.

I can't decide which is more ridiculous. This being ticked off like he's done his good deeds towards autistic kids or someone actually thinking this means he knows all he needs to know. Because he's known a couple autistic kids,so he doesn't need any training on what autism is. Clearly he's an expert.

What I find most interesting is a few people on here saying "of course my teens/teens I know say these things ... but it's among their FRIENDS!!! They'd never say it to a person with a disability!!"

1- so they have no people with any disabilities in their friendship group? Interesting. I wonder why that is?
2- so they and their friends never go anywhere? Never go out in public? Because if they use these words in their "group," they likely use them when they're out and about - on the bus,on the tube, at the shops, in school - you think they're using a "Cone of Silence" perhaps? Because if they're not (and I'm thinking they're not), there's every chance people have heard them. Not so kind,eh?
3- Even if your child is "only using it with his friends," that's not necessarily true with all his friends, is it? You certainly can't guarantee it, can you? For that matter, you can't really even guarantee that he's not using towards other people. And every use of it in his "friends"group normalises it a bit more, enabling the use of that language to the point where it no longer feels a big deal to use it towards others.

So there is something to be said for this whole idea of right/wrong, no bullying/unkindness towards others to be implemented into the school curriculum. The younger it is put in place, the better.

But when people let it continue with "oh be realistic, it happens" and "kids will be kids" or "you know how teens are"... they are part of the problem.

@steppemum for what it’s worth I didn’t think it was you, and I like your response.

@MNHQ you’re punishing a woman who has endured seeing her child suffer because people refuse to tackle disablism. Why? Aren’t we supposed to be about support? This thread is an insight into what our children face every day, a window into the very real damage and negative impact that ignorance and disablism cause on a daily basis.

Yes we’re angry, because nobody is listening. It’s dehumanising and soul destroying.