to ask you to PLEASE teach your children about autism

[CrochetBelle]

Apparently 'autistic' is now being used as an insult by teenagers - who really should know better.

Do your children know what autism is? Autism is not 'sitting in a corner rocking'. Autism is not 'Sheldon Cooper'. Autism is a whole spectrum and affects people to varying degrees. It does affect people though. There is no such thing as mild autism.

Schools are continuously waving the 'autism accredited' flag these days, with mandatory training on ASD. Don't get me wrong, that's great progress, but when you ask them what they are teaching the children? Nothing.

There is a whole host of accurate, reliable information out there about autism, and what it means. Please make sure your children are aware. Ignorance is no excuse.

Every time I hear it, I pick up on it.
Every time I know it is being used we have conversations about it.

I know he is aware, I also know that I cannot control what he does when I am not present.
I can only again and again and again pick them up on it, make them talk it through, point out the people they know personlaly affected by this.

I can only continue day by day to teach tolerance and acceptance and that it is never ever right to use this language and why.

I can only repeatedly teach and teach, again and again.

Don't fool yourself. I (and many of the other posters on this thread) know exactly the sort.
Ah yes 'the sort' nothing like putting people in a box and making assumptions about them....

Oh wait isn't that what this thread is about.....

@steppemum do you remove the console? Ground him? Bollock him and remove privileges?

I find it laughably ironic that you’re getting all offended at someone having a pop at your kid for incredibly hurtful and damaging behaviour (when by your own admission he should know better) when that is a tiny, tiny bit of what our children face daily because these words are socially acceptable.

With ds, it works better if I pick my moment to talk to him, over the following week, I heard it often, it was obviously the latest word. That weekend, I made an opportunity and we talked about his use of the word.
I haven't heard it since.

By your own admission it’s not everytime though is it. Hardly gives the message that it is not acceptable at all if you just wait to tackle it!

So stepp when my ds with autism and spasticity heats other teens in school calling each other "autistic" and "spastic" as insults because they did and said something they felt was 'stupid' - he's meant to be ok with that? Because - after all - they aren't saying it to him and are understanding to people with these disabilities.

I really really hope that if that was the case they school would punish them.

I would be totally happy with that, because it would reinforce what I have been saying again and again at home.

if the school stamped on it hard, then maybe the message would get through.

Notreallyarsed..I'm back because I went for a day out and only just now had chance to look again actually. I've shown you up for what you are....someone who twists what people say to their own advantage. I don't know why you are doing it, possibly to incite people who haven't had the time to read the full thread.
You are right on one thing though..." It is never right to condone this language". I agree with that, wholeheartedly, no doubt you will try and make out I don't though.

By your own admission it’s not everytime though is it. Hardly gives the message that it is not acceptable at all if you just wait to tackle it!

That was when I first heard it, because I needed to have aconverstaion with him, not a row.
Funnily enough, parenting a teen, you do sometimes ahve to be canny about saying things at the right time, if you want them to respond.

As I said in my first post, once I sat down and talked with him about why, he stopped using it at home.

You know I may be toatlly wrong, he may not use it at all out of the home. I actually don't know.

And yes there are consequences to using it, grounding, removing phone etc.
But as I keep saying, he doesn't use it at home now.

Notreallyarsed... actually you are wrong saying I would be back when someone else agreed with me, because I was back before steppemum, I came back and responded to Claudia? I guess you didn't spot that?!

@TabbyMumz bore off love

You don’t condone it but you don’t see why it should be featured in schools and you certainly don’t recognise how damaging and hurtful it is for it to be socially acceptable. You’re also incapable of making any sense so I shall happily ignore any further attempts at goading me.

@steppemum fair enough, I reckon you’ve done all you can do.

I find it laughably ironic that you’re getting all offended at someone having a pop at your kid for incredibly hurtful and damaging behaviour

no, you misunderstand me.
I am frustrated that my words are twisted and added to constantly.

I came on to the thread, because the OP was about teaching your kids not to do this.
The point I was trying to make is that teen language is not about what they are taught, or what they know. It is more complex, and the more we try and teach them, sometimes that makes the words more attractive as the age long attraction of the forbidden. Why after all do kids smoke etc?
because of the way teenagers brains work, they can be hooked up on using something because it upsets their parents, and not think properly of the wider contex.

@steppemum I did comment after your last post that you seem to have done as much as you can.

which doesn't mean we don't continue to teach and punish etc etc.

notreally - x-post I think!

Notreallyarsed....so tempted to say same to you, but I'd rather lay out my case in a sensible way. Not like you, who twists what people say and generally make stuff up.

Stepp it's clear you are doing what you can to teach your son. But please understand that comments like "he understands and is respectful to the** face of to his friends with disability but teens just use this language between themselves" is part of what's damaging.

Your ds clearly does not have a complete and full understanding of disability regardless of how it figures in his life - because if he had the understanding we need society to have then he wouldn't EVER use these words - not even to fit in or as teen bravado.

Your posts highlight what we are trying to say. Teens need to learn exactly what autism and disability is. Not pay lip service but an actual understanding.

steppemum I’m sorry, I think I misunderstood and overreacted to your posts, I can see that you’re doing your very best to combat it. I’m sorry I lumped you in with the disablism apologists/the ones who don’t care, it’s not the same situation. I need to take a step back from this thread I think.

youarenot put it perfectly.

Fair comment youarenotkidding

I will take that on board, and try and address it.

and can I just say again, I don't KNOW if he continues to use these terms after we have talked. He may not. As I said before, at primary school he was the one who put a stop to teasing of our friend's son with autism. That was huge for him to stand against the crowd (of particularly nasty boys in that school)

I may be too cynical. It maybe that he doesn't use them, and even pulls his friends up on using them. But I am cynical when it comes to teenage boys at the moment!

As I said before, at primary school he was the one who put a stop to teasing of our friend's son with autism. That was huge for him to stand against the crowd (of particularly nasty boys in that school)

That is huge, and brave too.

Stepp and I get the cynicism about teen boys. My own ds recently turned 13 😫

Notreallyarsed thank you, no need to apologise, I do understand the frustration

We do respite every week and had a 15yo with moderate ASD. My kids are very well versed. In addition, both my 9yo and 6yo have kids with ASD in their class. We talk about it and I encourage them to ask me questions.

Great thread,OP, I agree 100%!

The point I was trying to make is that teen language is not about what they are taught, or what they know. It is more complex, and the more we try and teach them, sometimes that makes the words more attractive as the age long attraction of the forbidden. Why after all do kids smoke etc?
because of the way teenagers brains work, they can be hooked up on using something because it upsets their parents, and not think properly of the wider contex.

Those poor teens, with the way their brains work so differently. We must cut them so much slack.
What about the teens with autism? Do the two types of brain difference cancel each other out? So they just deserve what they get.

Don;t think it's okay because you think your son is saying it behind their back. Believe me, we hear it.

@steppemum thank you, but I do need (and want) to apologise, I allowed myself to get so wound up I took it out on entirely the wrong person, when in actual fact your son sounds like he has learned from your response.

And the talking behind the back only stays that way for so long.

Imagine a vulnerable secondary school child returning home in tears. They've been hearing the whispers for weeks, but just ignoring it. Then it gets louder, and more of the voices. They continue to ignore it, because that's what they've been told to do. Still, it gets louder and louder until it gets unbearable and they run home.
"Mum, I think they think I'm deaf. Why else would they now be shouting it right in my ears?"

The solution to my 12 year old daughter being repeatedly told she is a retard? She now gets out of school 5 minutes earlier than the 'normal classes'.

It doesn't stop behind our backs.