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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So embarrassed

180 replies

Firsttimemum777 · 02/01/2018 09:30

Was at the in laws family do. About 8 people there and grandad was taking a picture of our 8 month old. I accidentally let out a big fart. My OH looked at me in shock then looked at the dog to try and put the blame on him. As did I. I think everyone in the room was pretty sure it was me though.

I’m mortified. We had to leave early to get DS to bed. Now I’m worried they were all laughing about me when we left.

OP posts:
RandomWordsandaNumber5 · 03/01/2018 19:57

My friend’s mother is completely deaf and let out a thunderclap of a fart which turned heads of people nearby. My friend said ‘mother!’ and the reply was ‘Oh, was it a loud one?’

TwoDogs9 · 03/01/2018 20:48

The day after giving birth to DS my brother and his family came to see us in hospital and I let out a series of farts. I was (and still am) mortified about it but had absolutely no control over my undercarriage at the time! Blush

ALLthedinosaurs · 03/01/2018 20:56

I get nervous farts.

As a student my first time on a ward was so terrifying that if I stood in one area long enough, nurses came to change the patient I was with Blush

On my very first doctors round on my very first ward, I attempted to casually lean over the notes trolley (whilst staring into the eyes of the most gorgeous colleague). This would have worked and I would have looked oh so calm, cool and together if it wasn't for the catastrophically loud thunderclapper that exited as I bent. BlushBlushBlush

I also did an EPIC FLAPPER when a moment with a super-hot shiny new FWB escalated more quickly than expected. Wink

Even DH has a "massive fart" story about me. I bet everyone has.

I can laugh about it now. These days I just own them Blush

SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/01/2018 22:07

Fekko - I had a lift incident with my DD when she was three or so.

We were in a very packed lift, when suddenly there was an absolutely noxious stench. My DD drew herself up to her full 2'6", put her hands on her tiny hips and turned round and said loudly

"Allright - who's pumped!"

The entire lift fell about laughing!

(No-one ever owned up for some reason . . . )

SherbrookeFosterer · 03/01/2018 23:13

Better out than in, OP.

LakieLady · 03/01/2018 23:20

We were in a crowded lift in a shop when someone let off the most god-awful stinker. People were looking slightly askance at one another and a bit green around the gills.

As we got out and walked away I told DP that I thought it was worst fart I'd ever smelt in all my 59 years. "Yes", said DP, "I was very proud of it".

He really is a filthy fucker.

He also did a really loud one in a pub garden and quickly turned to me and said "Lakie!" in an accusatory tone. I turned and said "Dog!" in the same tone (the dog was with us, I wasn't just passing the buck). There were 2 young lads in hoodies at the next table and they started blaming each other: "It was him!" ... "No, it was HIM!".

I come from a long line of farty bastards. I was talking to my mum on the phone one night and she was moaning about dad's new medication, which had flatulence among the side effects. "You know they had those earth tremors in Birmingham the other day? Well, that was your father, farting in Milton Keynes".

loveablether · 03/01/2018 23:24

"Oops! Gas leak"

bluebell34567 · 03/01/2018 23:33

I totally agree with ManicUnicorn, I find it very funny, too.GrinGrinGrin
good that there was your dog to blame GrinGrinGrin. otherwise you could always blame the baby GrinGrinGrin
I also laughed that your oh was shocked, tried to imagine his face GrinGrinGrin

bluebell34567 · 03/01/2018 23:34

I bet they are not sure it was you don't worry.

Megs4x3 · 04/01/2018 00:08

Who, OP, I feel for you. As a child I was taught that it was rude to fart, and 'fart' was another 'f' word that my mother wouldn't allow in the house. As a consequence, the first time I farted in front of my husband, I literally cried with embarrassment, so I know how you feel. What a lovely husband you have to blame the dog. :-) Many years of marriage have helped me relax about the whole thing and I'm sure that if anyone talked about your faux pas it will have been only briefly. Everyone does it and it's sometimes uncontrollable so thank you to the other posters for their stories. Ice been crying again but this time with laughter.

apostropheuse · 04/01/2018 09:17

If you're not Scottish, I'm sure you'll get the gistGrin

Tae a Fart, by Rabbie Burns

TAE A FART -

Oh whit a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Jist as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win'
The neeps 'n' tatties 'n' mushy peas
Stert workin' like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin' a' ower the place
Nae maiter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonnae hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
Shify yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it disnae reek
But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom
God almichty it fairly reeks
Hope a huvnae s**t ma breeks
Tae the bog a better scurry
Aw whit the hell, it's no ma worry
A'body roon aboot me chokin
Wan or twa are nearly bokin
A'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
Wis him! A shout wi' accusin glower
Alas too late, he's jist keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e'er ye be let yer wind gang free
Sounds like jist the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake o' wan wee farty.

Leapfrog44 · 04/01/2018 10:41

Ha hahahahahahahahahhahaahahhaha You should just laugh out loud and confidently make a joke. I know a woman who used to let them out sometimes and she'd giggle so hysterically it was infections. Christ the British are uptight!

Dianag111 · 04/01/2018 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fbnick · 04/01/2018 21:44

I had to undergo surgery to remove my gallbladder. In all abdominal key hole surgery the abdomen is filled with gas to aid in the removal of the organ in question.
For two days post surgery I still felt as though I was digesting a hedgehog and a porkupine. Alas, three days post op the gas decides it wants out, to my relief yet humiliation. The first few were just loud but uncontrollable. My children thought it was hilarious, literally every step rediculously loud and forceful.
Gradually, the smell joined the noise.
I remember being in the car, going for my post op check. I tried my best to hold it in, I really did. Nope, all systems FART. My partner pulled over with tears in his eyes coughing, gasping. Doing his best to get the children out of the car in to the fresh air. I was mortified. It was that bad I got out too. We sat at the side of the road with the doors and boot open fir 20 minutes and you could still smell it.

I'm reminded of it frequently. That my epic fart will always be worse than anything DH can do, he suffers with flatulence.

Sometimes these things just, pop out!

Seasideshirl · 05/01/2018 01:48

I think they would of forgotten well before you did. If they were going to have a conversation about you I think the last thing they would bring up is the passing of wind. You sound like a nice person don't let others upset you.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 05/01/2018 03:43

When DH and I hadn't been going out very long his friend invited us out for a birthday meal, first big gathering of DH's friends that I'd been to and I was very nervous, as I sat down I let out the longest, loudest fart ever. DH instantly went 'oops pardon me' as if it was him and took the blame. Grin

Cantuccit · 05/01/2018 07:48

SparklyUnicorn he's a keeper. No wonder you married him!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/01/2018 08:50

Lakie

Grin Grin Grin

Sherwil16 · 06/01/2018 07:19

I love this thread. Some of the comments made me laugh out loud - embarrassing memories coming back to me!

moita · 07/01/2018 09:38

Fbnick - oh I forgot the post- gall bladder surgery farting! I went for a walk with DH two days post-op and farted all the way back home. DH found it so funny he giggled like a childm I was so relieved I had no shame

Teutonic · 07/01/2018 14:19

My most embarrassing fart happened when my husband, then boyfriend was giving me oral, ahem, sex the first time. I tried and tried to hold it in, but in the end I couldn't.
It sounded like someone ripping a sheet. His facial features were somewhat rearranged.
It took a while for him to gather the courage to go there again. 😂

OP, we have all been there at some point in one situation or another, don't worry about it.

purpleweasel · 11/01/2018 12:34

Some Lord farted in front of Queen Elizabeth I when he bowed or something, and he was so embarrassed he left the court for ages. When he finally returned she said "my Lord, I had forgotten the fart!"

StarkintheSouth · 11/01/2018 12:46

Farts are always funny. Unless your family are robots they'll understand. XX

Greensleeves · 11/01/2018 12:51

ffs fbnick i put my back out this morning and am lying here in agony waiting for the gp to call

laughing is excruciating

you have killed me

YorkshireLurker · 12/01/2018 00:35

I was on a long train journey today, headphones in.

Thought it would be a quiet fart but nope, was the loudest one I've ever created and I heard it over my music. Once I started I then couldn't stop and it went on for a good 3 seconds. Mortifying.

Never have I wanted the seat to swallow me up as much 😂