To think it's incredibly unfair my Trust have stopped doing female s terilisations?

[Thurlow]

I was doing some reading before a doctor's appointment later today and it seems my Trust have made the lovely decision to stop offering female sterilisations and only offer vasectomies instead.

Only DP doesn't want to be sterilized as he's younger than me (I'm fine with this), and I've now tried the combined pill, single pill and implant all with side effects I'm not willing to spend my life coping with. If they don't suit me I doubt the Mirena will either, nor the coil because it causes heavier periods. I'm 38, I have two kids, I'm done. What does that leave, the diaphragm with its relatively high failure rate?

AIBU to think this is really unfair?

Condoms used properly they are more reliable than a diaphragm.

Is it just me or does anyone else detest the feel of condoms and feel it’s not a realistic contraceptive method for spontaneous sex in a long term relationship? I just can’t get on with them. Anyone else?

I can't get a referral to be sterilised because I'm "too young". I'm late 30s and have 6 children (5 biologically mine). My youngest, conceived whilst having the implant, is likely to have life long care needs. The fact I have her and a 4yo (conceived with a coil in) after the first time I asked about sterilisation is used against me in a "well, you thought you didn't want more..." way. I didn't want more. With the youngest I actually went for the termination appointment, I just couldn't do it. I'd had to have a scan 3 days previously as they were worried about it being ectopic and that was too much.

They won't let my husband have a vasectomy because he has a clotting disorder and issues with anaesthetics - totally fair enough.

So we're at almost 3 years of no PIV sex. We're both too frightened to risk it.

Apparently when I'm 40 I'll be old enough to know my own mind. Tried to go private, but the costs associated with the youngest (travelling to and from hospital, childcare for the other kids, unpaid leave for DH, specialist equipment etc) have meant it's had to go on the back burner.

Nobody would get away with saying,say, on a social housing thread, to 'tell them youre muslim/eastern european/lesbian/disabled or whatever' and you will get a house and jump the queue. That would be racist or disableist or homophobic. So back off with the trans comments.

Yes, and the reason for that would be that most of those things certainly wouldn't get you social housing when other people are denied it, with the exception sometimes of disability. That is, it's a false claim. You don't get a preference for SH by being Muslim.

The unfortunate reality, however, is that biological females not identifying as male are being denied medical procedures that sterilise them, often for spurious reasons. Whereas one way to get a hysterectomy on the NHS is to be trans (yes I know it's not the same as sterilisation but it has the effect of rendering the person infertile). You are not comparing like with like.

lalalyra

That's awful. It seems so unfair.

For the OP: Have you considered/heard of Jaydess? It is a smaller, lower dose version of Mirena. Good for preventing pregnancy, easier to fit in an undiluted cervix, less likely to reduce period flow, fewer hormonal side effects as lower dose, 3 rather than 5 year time before changing.

It is frustrating to have to do a potentially life-threatening operation on someone because they won't try an IUS/IUD. The only benefit of the former is the convenience of not having to have it changed. The failure rate (pregnancy) of lap steri vs Mirena is equivalent. People do suffer awful, long term complications as a result of laparoscopic entry injuries (damage to bowel or major blood vessels as you can't see the big needle going in to the abdomen.)
Departments have to balance their budgets. You can't complain about not having enough midwives on postnatal wards and say that you want a convenience operation that is clinically no better but which has a much worse complication/side effect profile.
Your NHS sterilisation is typically performed my the most junior, inexperienced team member.

ERPCs are also performed at night by junior doctors, and I was told by the consultant gynaecologist, when he found the adhesions caused by the first ERPC to never let a junior doctor operate on me at night again! Speaking personally, 6 pregnancy losses caused by the adhesions, 3 more EHCPs, depression, an infertility investigation, laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and IVF treatment made the sterilisation look like a walk in the park!

I am in a similar position to the OP but I have had a sterilisation agreed - and then not - and I am fighting to get that overturned. I am a good candidate apparently because of issues I’ve had with pregnancies and the fact that I get pregnant SO easily and this has caused a lot of issues too. I can’t use the pill, I can’t use mirena because it gave me all the side effects the pill did but far far worse (and even when it was out- after a fight to get it out - it took months to get over it) - it is not always the case that you won’t be affected by the hormones and they are ABSOLUTELY NOT confined to your uterus WHATEVER they tell you. I had horrendous issues. I lost my sex drive, completely. I felt almost suicidal. My weight ballooned. My partner got scratched by it every time we had sex despite it being trimmed as far as it could go. It is not the be all and end all for everyone.

However I am now concerned to read that I may still get these issues if I am sterilised. Wow! I need to read more into that.....

Isa its comparable. We arent refused sterilisation so that money saved goes on sex change etc. Similarly that cancer suffers dont go without because of heart attacks etc.

The NHS website itself states sterilisation is a ‘minor operation’ (not sure why people keep describing it as major abdominal surgery, it’s not, it’s keyhole laparoscopy)

It also states that risks are very small. It is very safe in this country.

Am I very old school to just use condoms?

Sounds like a bit of a postcode lottery with sterilisation. I was offered one when the conversation about contraception came up whilst I was pregnant and when it was decided I was having elective c section. They pretty much said " while we're in there shall we..."

Not at all funday but what happens if you run out/ break the last one/ can't find Them/ go on holiday and leave them behind? X

I was sterilised years ago (laparoscopy) and although the operation itself wasn't too bad and only involved an overnight stay I truly believe it led to the horrific ovulation pain I experienced afterwards.

I did not regret being sterilised as I was extremely fertile and had four children, so had it done at age 30, but it wasn't plain sailing.

Nobody said we were bumsnet. But your analogy is not comparable because all but one of the examples you gave were false, whereas the post you object to wasn't.

Your comparison cannot do other than fail when you suggest saying something incorrect is the same as saying something correct. And your heart attacks v cancer has nothing to do with anything.

Not at all funday but what happens if you run out/ break the last one/ can't find Them/ go on holiday and leave them behind?

Have a cold shower instead. What are you, animals? Just have plenty in. Keep them in different places - DH has them in his wash bag, his bedside table, his sock drawer (to remind him when packing for a trip) etc

I'm probably unusual in that I prefer sex with a condom, I always sting a bit otherwise!

Isa fair enough but I dont understand what your'e on about. Not goady just dont get what you mean.
Is it that women cannot be sterilised but if a woman wants to be a man then she can but by different means? Cos that takes ages re counselling etc. It isnt an automatic yes. Is that what you mean?

I gave up on hormonal contraception very early on in relationship with DH. (Low libido). Used diaphragm successfully since then except when ttc. I think it's failure rate must largely be down to people not using it properly as it is a hassle. If you and DH are determined to make it work it will do.

Funday I think you must be way more organised than me!

Of course it's not an automatic yes!

The point the poster was making is that there are women being denied sterilisation when they have gynae issues, and expected to live with the pain or work through unsuitable alternatives first. Meanwhile, in this age of NHS rationing, there are others having perfectly healthy reproductive organs removed due to a desire to transition. It's supposed to be a point about priorities, privilege and how women are at the bottom of the pecking order. And how any association with being a man can give you a bit of a lift out of that! This is not a transphobic point, as you appeared to be implying, it's a factual one.

You can obviously disagree with the way this point was made if you want, but it's not the same as saying pretend to be Muslim to get a council house because being Muslim doesn't get you a council house. The mechanism doesn't exist.

Cool isa. Thanks for explaining.