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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's incredibly unfair my Trust have stopped doing female s terilisations?

171 replies

Thurlow · 02/01/2018 08:42

I was doing some reading before a doctor's appointment later today and it seems my Trust have made the lovely decision to stop offering female sterilisations and only offer vasectomies instead.

Only DP doesn't want to be sterilized as he's younger than me (I'm fine with this), and I've now tried the combined pill, single pill and implant all with side effects I'm not willing to spend my life coping with. If they don't suit me I doubt the Mirena will either, nor the coil because it causes heavier periods. I'm 38, I have two kids, I'm done. What does that leave, the diaphragm with its relatively high failure rate?

AIBU to think this is really unfair?

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 02/01/2018 14:41

@Slightly reversal absolutely shouldn't be on the NHS. But to deny it to someone who is sure because "some people change their mind" is massively unhelpful.

DeleteOrDecay · 02/01/2018 14:49

It's not 'major surgery'. It may be more invasive than a vasectomy for men but it's not 'major'.

YANBU, women should have the choice op. I would love one now but I know I'm too young at the moment.

Dox · 02/01/2018 14:50

Another one here who couldn't tolerate the pill but the Mirena has been perfect. Yes it hurts briefly when fitted but if you've had children it's hardly worse.
I had copper coils before DC and then 15 years of mirenas which freed me from all period related problems.
My GP reckons it's saved many thousands of women from having hysterectomies.
I think it's worth a try as it's reversible before you contemplated surgery involving GA.

WalkingWolly · 02/01/2018 14:51

Haven’t read the full thread but ours were withdrawn a few years ago along with vasectomies!

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 02/01/2018 15:00

jacques I don’t disagree, I think the option should be there, and reversals arent available on the NHS anyway, but I know my GP said she sees this a lot these days as the pattern of relationships has changed over the years and no one thinks they will change their mind, but many many people do and are then very sad when it can’t be ‘fixed’. It came up because my DH had a successful reversal 14 years ago and she commented on it as in her experience it’s quitevrare. The other side of it is that I guess she won’t often see people who are very happy with their sterilisation procedure, unless it comes up linked to something else.

JacquesHammer · 02/01/2018 15:02

no one thinks they will change their mind

What bothers me on a personal level is the suggestions that I can't possibly know my own mind because I'm a single woman. That I'm only marking time until I meet a chap and suddenly I'll want another kid.

Made even more nonsensical for me because I'm infertile.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 02/01/2018 15:10

Yes Jaques it is pretty insulting. A friend of ours was refused a vasectomy as they didn’t have DCs despite being sure they didn’t want them. Guess what, they still don’t want any and so they have had 15 years of contraceptive messing around unnecessarily.

SingSam · 02/01/2018 15:14

they told me the same jacques

I could not tolerate the mirena at all and could no longer take the pill

I had such hideous periods yet I had to beg for an ablation because having an ablation basically means you won't be able to be pregnant again (you can fall pregnant but your lining is damaged so it's unlikely to succeed)

I got divorced when I was around 39 and they point blank refused to do it 'in case I met another man who wanted to have children with me' !!

I said I'm not having any more and I'm not going to go out with anyone who wants kids (I had my dcs in my 20s!)

eventually I managed to convince them to do it but it took 3 years of convincing and they finally did it when I was 42!

JacquesHammer · 02/01/2018 15:16

@SingSam I'm sorry you've had the same thing but you've given me hope!

DeleteOrDecay · 02/01/2018 15:23

Its so bloody patronising that women are being told they can't be sterilised 'just in case' another man wants dc with you in the future.

Like women aren't capable of deciding for themselves whether they want dc or not.Hmm

Women should be made aware of all the options and risks, the process should be explained and we should be told that it's not simple to get it reversed if we ever change our mind, also that if we do ever want a reversal we will have to go private. We shouldn't be refused on the basis that we might change our mind. We should be given all information available (including contraceptive options) in order to make an informed choice rather than be told we don't know our own minds because we are only wimmin after all.

SingSam · 02/01/2018 15:26

yes don't give up Jacques!

The ablation has changed my life. I hardly have any bleeding at all now after decades of hideously heavy periods.

I am annoyed I didn't have it sooner so don't give up!

AccrualIntentions · 02/01/2018 15:38

I had a mirena before I had a child, the procedure was a bit ouchy but I went straight back to work afterwards. I had it put in at the sexual health/contraception clinic as I thought it was more likely to be a doctor or nurse who fitted them very regularly rather than the GP who might only do one every so often. I got on really well with it, had light bleeding for a while and then periods stopped altogether. I had a bad history with both types of Pill so was skeptical but it worked fine for me. DH wasn't keen as he reckoned he could feel the strings during sex.

Asked for it to be removed a couple of years later and this was done with no fuss.

giddyupnow · 02/01/2018 16:01

Agree with accrual about getting a coil put in somewhere they do it regularly, i had my last one done in a community ‘old person’ HmmConfused slot in a youth std/contraception/pregnancy advice clinic in central London at busy hospital - ie very busy, but they had these odd slots assigned for the over 25s that weren’t well advertised. The woman who put it in was expert, they had ultrasound on the go the whole time to check placement etc which was reassuring.

Jaygee61 · 02/01/2018 16:42

I don’t disagree, I think the option should be there, and reversals arent available on the NHS anyway, but I know my GP said she sees this a lot these days as the pattern of relationships has changed over the years and no one thinks they will change their mind, but many many people do and are then very sad when it can’t be ‘fixed’. It came up because my DH had a successful reversal 14 years ago and she commented on it as in her experience it’s quitevrare. The other side of it is that I guess she won’t often see people who are very happy with their sterilisation procedure, unless it comes up linked to something else.

A sterilisation or vasectomy should always be regarded as irreversible - if you think there’s the slightest chance you will change your mind at some point you should not have it done. IMO.

Original poster
Thurlow · 02/01/2018 17:49

Just for info in case anyone is in a similar boat, we have agreed that the Mirena is the best fit and worth trying but the GP promised it would be removed asap if I didn't like it. Considering she is willing to remove the implant after just two months I do trust her. She also said that I can take some diazepam before the insertion if I want as a relaxant, which has helped me consider it as an option.

She did not seem pleased herself that sterilization was no longer allowed!

OP posts:
MaggieMeldrum · 02/01/2018 17:57

I think this is disgusting!

I wanted to be sterilised as contraceptions do not work for me. I had the mirena coil and became pregnant 6 months after having it fitted despite it still being in the correct place etc. The pregnancy was ectopic and it ruptured meaning I had to have major surgery and lost a Fallopian tube.

Before this I used the contraceptive pill and also became pregnant with my now teenage child.

For some people contraception genuinely doesn’t work!

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 02/01/2018 19:58

A sterilisation or vasectomy should always be regarded as irreversible - if you think there’s the slightest chance you will change your mind at some point you should not have it done. IMO
I totally agree with that too. But some people do change their mind as my DH did. I guess he didn’t imagine his ex would run off with someone else a couple of years after he’d had it done.... You just have to accept that the chances of a successful reversal are minimal.

Youcanstayundermyumbrella · 02/01/2018 20:02

I think you have to think whether you would ever, ever want a reversal for any reason, and if there IS a reason, then look elsewhere. DH was going to have a vasectomy after our last was born but I just couldn't shut the door on the possibility, however remote the circumstances of another might be.

Chesntoots · 02/01/2018 20:17

I am in my early 40's and have spent over 20 years trying to sort my periods out.

I don't have children and have never wanted them.

Even in 2017 I had to have a rather "assertive discussion" about why, as a woman in my 40's in 2017, I should not need to ask the permission of my hypotheticical partner before they would perform an ablation!

The male consultant that the junior doctor went to speak to suggested I try yet another pill instead. I pointed out that if a man had been painfully bleeding out of his penis on an almost daily basis for over 20 years, it would probably have been sorted by now...

I got my appointment for treatment...

It was a very upsetting experience. I am no shrinking violet and I knew I would be in for a fight but I didn't appreciate how much of one (Don't get me started on them trying to insist I had the Mirena fitted whilst they did the initial scan).

Women should not have to beg and plead for this sort of treatment. It's infantilising and insulting.

GrouchyKiwi · 02/01/2018 20:28

I'm glad you're feeling comfortable about trying the Mirena and your GP is on board.

I had a sterilisation just over a year ago for medical reasons (long story short: my body cannot handle another pregnancy). The consultant asked me why I wanted sterilisation instead of trying hormonal methods, I explained why hormonal things are not possible, she said Fine, we'll book you in for the surgery. No reference to my husband having a vasectomy instead, no "Oh, you're only 32, you might change your mind". That's how it should be.

The op was easy: I went into the hospital with my 5 month old baby in the morning, breastfed her, then went in for the 20 minute op, woke up approx. 90 minutes later, back to my room, fed the baby again, and home before dinner. I was uncomfortable for a few days afterwards and that was more or less it.

I'm having some trouble with horrible period pain since the op, however, and that is being investigated. That's still better than what I would be coping with if I hadn't been allowed the sterilisation.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 02/01/2018 20:31

Thats awful Chesntoots, you’d think by the age of 40 theyd give you some credit for having some inkling of what you definitely wanted Shock. It’s not like thinking about the issue of having DCs or not takes us by surprise one day at an appointment to request that sort of procedure Hmm. Good analogy to focus their minds though, I’m glad it worked.

Chesntoots · 02/01/2018 20:38

I think the worst part was the realisation that there will be many women who are not as strong as I am, for many reasons, and they will just have been fobbed off to carry on suffering.

Actually, typing that is making my blood boil again! Maybe I should volunteer to be an "appointment buddy"! I'm fed up with women being treated like we are too stupid to make decisions for ourselves...

itsbetterthanabox · 02/01/2018 20:39

.Condoms
.copper coil if you don’t get on with hormones
.Not having PIV sex

Original poster
Thurlow · 02/01/2018 20:44

Chesntoots, that's shocking and you're so right, the thought of women who are less able to argue having to put up with that

not having PIV sex - is that really an answer in the 21st century to contraceptive issues?

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 02/01/2018 20:45

Tell them you identify as trans and need sterilising to live your authentic life.