Re the apero thing - tried it once when I moved to Yorkshire. Result was a load of neighbours drunk and unfed but still hanging in there are 10 blush
I don’t think it translates
Ah, well if you will move to Yorkshire...
Actually I love Yorkshire. It's very civilised in parts but they do like the pub. I think the key to this is know your audience.
Just make it clear exactly what is is you are inviting people for. Pre-dinner drinks from 5.30 to 7.30? No-one should expect more than a bowl of nuts and olives and they leave on time. Lunchtime drinks party with a buffet from 1 to 4? They know they don't need to eat beforehand, they might linger until 5, but they should know it's very impolite to still be there at 7, cackling away drunkenly long after the hosts have cleared up and are yearning for their slippers and the TV.
Things like drinks parties work best at certain times, like mulled wine and mince pies a few days before Christmas or a lunchtime drinks party on NYD, (everyone is either very busy or very tired anyway, so less likely to take the piss and stay too long) or immediately before some other big local event or party that you will all be moving onto afterwards.
How people interpret an invitation for 'drinks' is very much rooted in their nationality, culture and class though. Some people think it's perfectly normal to invite people for early drinks and nibbles over a two hour time slot with a finite end time, other people don't get the distinction between that and a full on house party where they can arrive late and might still be singing karaoke in the garden at 3am.
That's why I said know your audience. It very much depends on your friends and acquaintances and their ability to just inherently understand what is meant by you when you say 'come for drinks.'
In my world (and I'm no Jilly Cooper but neither am I Pat Butcher) there is 'come for drinks,' and 'we are having a party' and they can mean very different things.
If you are don't intend to feed people beyond a bowl of crisps and olives and want to be tidied up and in bed by 9 then JUST GIVE A CLEAR START AND FINISH TIME and tell people what to expect food wise. It might run over time a little bit, but anyone who doesn't understand what they've been invited for is best left to get bladdered in the pub in future.
The worst host/guest experiences are where there has been miscommunication or a lack of clarity. If you invite someone for 'dinner' or 'tea' on a Sunday, make sure your idea of dinner or tea and the timing of it is the same as theirs...... Or if you throw a big party and people turn up expecting there to be curry and chilli and you've only supplied crisps and peanuts....
If these things give you anxiety and stop you from hosting then the simple answer is to plan to host what you feel you can manage without having a nervous breakdown and BE CLEAR about what you are offering. If you can't face huge, loud, parties (I can't) or loads of cooking then Sunday afternoon tea or morning coffee and cake is nice. Or a simple picnic or barbecue lunch in the garden for one other family at a time, with the children kept largely outside. You don't have to have hordes of people at once, just try to invite the people you know you really owe it to.
All you people saying your friends understand that you don't like hosting and they really don't mind....hmm, well I wouldn't bank on that. they are just too polite to tell you. Unless they know there is a very valid reason (and FYI this doesn't include 'my kitchen is small' or 'I don't like other people using my loo' or 'I'm very tidy and I get stressed when people put their glass down in the wrong place 
) then I'll bet they actually do mind, rather more than they let on.
I tend to do dinner for between 6 to 10 people, every two or three months or so. Sometimes a couple of families for Sunday lunch or a barbecue, sometimes very casual weeknight dinners for neighbours or local friends, just two or three people and very little effort.
Hosting dinners means I can get away with cherry picking closer friends without feeling bad about leaving out the peripheral friends and acquaintances I am less comfortable with, which is harder to do if you have a big party.
People tend to leave earlier from dinner as well, generally between 12 and 1 which suits me perfectly. I'd much rather go the the considerable effort and expense of cooking a lovely meal for 8 or ten and have them all gone by 1, than have the much easier job of just doing drinks and simple nibbles for a bigger crowd but having that sinking feeling that some of them will still be there at 3am making too much noise.
Everyone knows where they stand with dinner, it's not open ended or prone to misinterpretation like 'drinks' or a big party might be and you actually get to have some decent conversation at the table. I loathe that thing of shuffling around clutching a paper plate and making superficial small talk for hours on end with a variety of drunken people who you can't even hear properly over the music. I go when invited but I am usually one of the first to leave, as soon as is possible without looking impolite.
DH and I had two friends for over last night actually. Some friends who have moved away and were back in the area to see family over New Year.
As it was a weeknight they came early, I cooked just one course and it was only slightly more effort-intensive than I would normally cook for us anyway. We sat at the table, turned the TV off, we chatted, we drank wine, they left by 9.30. I didn't tidy up especially (but my house is always pretty civilised on that front) I did check that the downstairs loo was decent, that was it.
I am not traumatised by it, I don't need to take three days in a dark room to recover. I realise some people with severe anxiety issues or people on the spectrum may need to, but then they wouldn't probably have done it anyway. Frankly most people who don't host are just too flipping lazy. They'd rather leave all the work and the expense to people like me.
That's why I get the hump when I read things like 'I never host, my friends understand it's just the way I am, but I LOVE going to their parties. It works for us.'
Actually, no, it works for you. I can assure you it will work much less well for them and you will get talked about in less than glowing terms on occasion, when they feel taken advantage of.
Do you think bringing a bottle of wine and or offering to pitch up with a readymade dessert comes even close to doing your bit when they put themselves out several times a year for you? Well it's doesn't, so cop onto yourself.
I have learned over the years that some of my daytime friends (work, school mums, neighbours etc) are just not big socialising people beyond meeting for coffee and a chat during the week, or their DHs are awkward company and in the nicest possible way, they would rather not be asked again, or be pressured to reciprocate. That's fine.
I've learned the ones for whom there are genuine mitigating factors that make hosting impossible or traumatic. Also fine.
But I've also learned that there are some for whom there are no specific issues - they just can't be bothered to put themselves out and they'd rather go to someone else's house.
I have one friend in particular who will ring me to meet up for coffee or lunch every two or three weeks, has invited us to go away with them for long weekends in hotels etc, (so she does want to see me, she's not trying to remove herself by stealth or anything and our DHs are great buddies) but she just never invites us there any more.
She invited us there first actually, twice in quick succession when we first met seven years ago. She was making an effort to cement the friendship then. But ever since she has left it all to us and one other couple in our group. She just never takes her turn. We get together for dinner in my home or the other friend's home once every couple of months or so.
I know she is not an anxious person, she's a decent cook, she's very well off, her house is big/clean, she doesn't work full time, she's very sociable, no kids with SNs. And this is what really galls, I know she sometimes hosts a different group of friends who are completely separate (they all share a hobby) so she's still making the effort for them, just not me and my other friend.
They are always very happy to come to us, we never get the feeling that they'd rather not. And they have stayed with us for a long weekend in our holiday home too. But she just can't be bothered to make the effort for her longstanding friends any more, only her newer, hobby related ones.
I've had enough of it. It's just rude. It's restaurants only with them from now on.