AIBU to wonder if earlier generations really viewed early miscarriages differently?

[KitKat1985]

Just interested in garnering opinions on this really. I have debated whether to post this at all as I'm aware the subject matter is a sensitive one for a lot of people, so I've tried to really clear in the title that it's a thread about early miscarriages so those who don't want to read the whole post don't have to. But it's a conversation that really got me wondering recently so wanted to hear some views on it. I had a conversation recently with some women who were from a previous generation (think late 50's onwards). They basically said that back when they were having babies you weren't even really considered to be pregnant until you had missed two periods (so I guess would be about 8 weeks). They said they may have had occasions whereby they were late etc, but if they bled before the '2 missed period' mark they said they just put it down as 'one of those things', and were a bit dismissive about people in this generation who would report being really upset because they were having a miscarriage when it was very early on in their pregnancy. They also said that these days because of early sensitivity tests etc, people often consider themselves to be pregnant sometimes before their period is even late, which in their opinion was wrong and just led to a lot more heartbreak if things then didn't progress well. I'm wondering if they're telling the whole truth or not about how previous generations viewed early miscarriages. I can't completely believe that in a previous generation women didn't also feel a bit devastated if they started bleeding after they were late, and therefore must have probably also worked out that they were having an early pregnancy loss. I can to some extent sympathise with their theory though that testing really early can lead to more heartache. Do you think early miscarriages really were viewed differently a generation ago? Or do you think it was just more a taboo subject and if women were very upset about early losses they were just under societal pressure not to say it?

I agree with the comments about context - and whether or not a pregnancy is wanted, being key. I lost a number of early pregnancies and of all people my mother, who had lost 4 pregnancies herself, was the least sensitive to my distress. The crucial difference was that she was in her 20s when she lost the pregnancies, she had two healthy children before her first MC and her 4th pregnancy was her first planned one - she was highly fertile and had every expectation that if she wanted more children, she would have them. She has acknowledged that some of her MCs were a relief. She shrugged off my losses with the "it doesn't count until you miss your second period" line, but this didn't take account of the fact that I was in my 40s and had been ttc for several years.

I used a DuoFertility monitor, which gave a clear indication of pregnancy within a couple of days of conception (it works on basal temperature and is basically a more scientific way of doing the charting that's been mentioned upthread). It helped doctors to diagnose my fertility problem, which was that I could conceive, but the embryos could not implant. The embryos were (probably) viable, but my uterus was not. I had one pregnancy that "stuck" and lasted for 10 weeks - I had an 8-week scan, there was a heartbeat - but against the odds it had found a good bit of uterine lining to embed into and didn't survive when it grew bigger.

My issue was caused by scar tissue that formed after DS' C-section. It was fixed surgically and I have gone on to have healthy DC (more than I planned, due to a multiple pregnancy ), but I still feel sad about that baby, particularly as I have a nephew who was born on his/her due date, so I have a reminder of the age our child would have been.

I differentiate in my head between the very early pregnancy losses and the one where I saw the heartbeat, but at the time I was devastated about all of them.

This is how I expressed my grief at the time:

Small Blue

I saw your image on the screen
A tiny beating heart and mine was full
Of love and dreams of ways to make you smile
Of how we would grow round together
Separating unhurriedly into two beings

But you were like the Small Blue
That graced our summer garden for a breath or two
And when I looked again, there was no beating
Of hearts or wings
And all the blue was in my heart.

I'm mid 60s, with my first pregnancy in 1970 I went to doctor when I missed 2nd period, he examined me and said he thought I probably was pregnant and to come back in 4 weeks and he would confirm it. Twenty years later I peed on the stick the day my first period was due. It does feel different, you didn't know you were pregnant, I can think of a couple of times when I was a couple of weeks late and then had a heavy period, just accepted period was late. Had a bleed with last pregnancy when I was a couple of days late and was devastated.

Not read the whole thread yet but I just wanted to say, wrt to early testing being pointless, some women have jobs where we absolutely have to know asap because the environment/ chemicals we use need to be limited from day 1.
I spent 8 1/2 months being restricted to office duties with DD, its pretty obvious why when that happens and, sadly, equally obvious when the women has lost the pregnancy.
We don't do it to be 'snowflakes' but we do need to know and make adjustments, as early as possible to get the best chance of a positive outcome.

Mibby16, I don't think there is anything wrong with early testing it is just that it wasn't available. It is a good thing that pregnant women get the protection they need, an unfortunate consequence is that early miscarriage is probably more traumatic.

smallblue that has made me well up. It’s just how I felt too.

SmallBlue, that is a beautiful poem.

SmallBlue - simply beautiful.

Miscarriage affected me in ways I never would have imagined. I felt a sadness I never thought I could have. I had imagined my baby, my child, the place it would have in my family, I miss him every day. It's not something I will ever get over but I am learning to live with it. If you haven't been through it you don't know.

Blighted ovum discovered at 12 week scan.

Heartbreaking poem SmallBlue

Thanks smallBlue that is beautiful.
I TTC for two years and fell pregnant in month 24 - I already had a doctors appointment booked to start fertility testing but miscarried at 8 weeks (the loss was not really more than a heavy, late period so if I hadn't had a positive test I wouldn't have necessarily have known I was miscarrying) I was very upset, can still remember my due date still sometimes think of my little lost one especially on what would be miles stones. I have a nephew 2 months younger than the baby would have been so he acts as a physical remainder of starting school etc.

We went on to have two unsuccessful rounds of IVF and while I was devastated that they failed I didn't grieve for those lost embryos and can't remember when they would have been due etc. Third time lucky I had my son and I some times think about his "twin" as the second embryo didn't take.

I'm sure wanted babies have always been mourned.