AIBU to wonder if earlier generations really viewed early miscarriages differently?

[KitKat1985]

Just interested in garnering opinions on this really. I have debated whether to post this at all as I'm aware the subject matter is a sensitive one for a lot of people, so I've tried to really clear in the title that it's a thread about early miscarriages so those who don't want to read the whole post don't have to. But it's a conversation that really got me wondering recently so wanted to hear some views on it. I had a conversation recently with some women who were from a previous generation (think late 50's onwards). They basically said that back when they were having babies you weren't even really considered to be pregnant until you had missed two periods (so I guess would be about 8 weeks). They said they may have had occasions whereby they were late etc, but if they bled before the '2 missed period' mark they said they just put it down as 'one of those things', and were a bit dismissive about people in this generation who would report being really upset because they were having a miscarriage when it was very early on in their pregnancy. They also said that these days because of early sensitivity tests etc, people often consider themselves to be pregnant sometimes before their period is even late, which in their opinion was wrong and just led to a lot more heartbreak if things then didn't progress well. I'm wondering if they're telling the whole truth or not about how previous generations viewed early miscarriages. I can't completely believe that in a previous generation women didn't also feel a bit devastated if they started bleeding after they were late, and therefore must have probably also worked out that they were having an early pregnancy loss. I can to some extent sympathise with their theory though that testing really early can lead to more heartache. Do you think early miscarriages really were viewed differently a generation ago? Or do you think it was just more a taboo subject and if women were very upset about early losses they were just under societal pressure not to say it?

I didn't realize that this was about the emotional pain that we feel due to miscarriages. I think that we all feel as our personality is; my mother was a stern woman, my Grandmother cried easily, i cannot talk about my miscarriages without carrying on. 3 women, treated each loss completely differently.

Attitudes are different now, in the same way stigma is being broken around mental health and other gynaecological issues, the same is happening for early miscarriage. If awareness is raised that helps people be healthier in any way and supports people when they are struggling then that can only be a god thing.

I went through recurrent miscarriages,all early but some required terminations around 12 weeks, I think this made the others harder to deal with. Even without good early testing I knew every time I was pregnant because my cycle is like clockwork, and one of the early natural miscarriages was very apparent it was not just 'a heavy bleed'. It was a tough time and I was grateful that it was ok to talk about in today's society. My Dad was of the opinion that in their time you just wouldn't have known,but he is also if he opinion that 'you just have to have sex at the right time in the month and you will definitely get pregnant'!

Another family member of my parents generation had recurring miscarriages in the late 70's and early 80's, all before 6 weeks but one or more were missed so terminated later. Talking to her about it, she knew every time she was pregnant and was offered investigation when a pattern emerged, then had successful treatment for something simple before going on to have a successful pregnancy (so nothing wrong with the embryos) She was no less devastated than me and really looked out for me during mine.

Of course it depends entirely on the person as PPs have said but I think the emotions will always have been there for anyone who knows that have had a loss, it is simply society and attitude that had changed. So OP, yanbu, I think they were viewed differently, however they still may have had a profound effect.

Things like this generally weren't spoken of by that generation. Or only in whispers and not in front of minors!

Out of interest, how do you know what was or was not spoken about among women in "that generation"?

I am mid 50s and had two early miscarriages. I was devastated both times. All my friends talked about it. One of my friends had two similiar miscarriages and had counselling due to the grief and heartbreak. We still talk about our miscarriages. She had 2 dc at the time. I also talked a lot to my dm at the time and though she was quite stiff upper lip at times she was genuinely upset over my miscarriages.
I also lost a baby at 24 weeks, joined a support group and had a huge amount of support and help.
Women in their 50s are no different to today. I knew l was pregnant two days after missed period due to nausea and sickness and general weakness. I was especially affected by hormone changes right throughout pregnancy.
The whole different approach may relate more to much older women but not us.

I'm 56 and had my pregnancies confirmed 14 days after my missed period, zo 6 weeks pregnant, using readily available tests which I bought. I usually knew myself before that anyway. As far as I'm aware i didn't have any circumstances, but of course I may have had one before I knew I was pregnant.

I have friends and family members who hD miscarriages back then too (mid 80s onwards) and they were just as affected as women of today - and yes they spoke aboit it.

• nit circimstances...miscarriages

But remember even after a baby’s birth, mums were told not to get their hopes up - most kids died before their first birthdays back then.

Separate thread really, but that must have played havic with attachment between mum and baby.

*havoc

I always thought a chemical pregnancy was a loss before 8 weeks, miscarriage to mean before 12 weeks, spontaneous abortion before 24 weeks and stillbirth beyond that point. Although miscarriage is now the common term.

This is just outright wrong - I agree with Bertie that 'chemical pregnancy' doesn't actually mean anything much and isn't a helpful term, but when it is used it is agreed to mean a pregnancy lost before it could be visualised on an ultrasound, which happens at 5 or 6 weeks.

I can't remember who else said it (sorry) but i'm glad to see that another poster has mentioned their observations of the decline in standard maternity care in the UK over the last 20 years. I know it's a bit off thread but i think it's worth another mention as it's important.

As i said i had my first in '93 and my last in 2014.

I'm aware of the fact that to some young people 50 years old seems ancient (guilty of exactly that myself in the past) and they might be imagining the process of discovering your pregnancy and the resulting care back in the early 1990s as lesser somehow compared to now. I'd like to reiterate that in terms of basic care nothing could be further from the truth i'm sad to say.

1993 = Cheap accurate early home preg. test kit just like now. Then ... off to the docs to start on the ladder of more regular checkups than you'll get now, especially towards the end of pregnancy, and consistent monitoring from a familiar midwife team who expected to see you through the last trimester, with luck the birth (in hospital or at home), and then the first postnatal check up at home.

NHS is not what it was and it's staff are so overstretched these days. It's well known negative knock on effect for patients has extended to maternity care.
(for info all 4 of my pregnancies and births fell within 'normal')

I think in the days before pregnancy tests and scans women didn't know they were pregnant.

Once you know it is different.

I have had lots of miscarriages due to a medical condition. I thought for a long time I wasn't getting pregnant and just had random periods sometimes. Once I had been diagnosed and was regularly pregnancy testing (chance of pregnancy loss could be reduced with medication) then it was upsetting whether I lost the pregnancy at 12 weeks or 5 weeks, although the former was physically more difficult the emotional pain was very similar.

“But remember even after a baby’s birth, mums were told not to get their hopes up - most kids died before their first birthdays back then.”

When, where and who?

My mother ( born 1921) had 6 miscarriages.....her mother had 5.
She always said it was "nature's way" that something was wrong.

I suppose it's almost impossible to accurately compare how different generations viewed things.

We all have lots of snippets of information gleaned from our own experiences but it's hard to get an accurate overview. Blanket statements that it was a taboo subject or whatever are just silly.
My Mum is in her 80s and had an early miscarriage and I know she talked about it with her friends. She has always had lovely friends and I'm certain they wouldn't have been all 'stuff upper lip' about it. I've memories of my Mum and her friends sitting around chatting and laughing from when I was a tiny girl. My guess is that they would have been a brilliant support to one another. I'm pretty sure lots of other people from her generation had friend s too 🤷🏻‍♀️

BTW, it is a good idea to 'rush' to hospital with bleeding in early pregnancy. Not because there is anything to be done, sadly, for an early miscarriage but to check that the mother is alright and not suffering from an ectopic pregnancy.

And to check it's actually a miscarriage, I've had bleeding in every pregnancy and with one pregnancy it was heavy enough that I was admitted in order to be monitored. Also to check that if it is a miscarriage, it has been complete as retained tissue can lead to complications such as serious infection or scarring. I had a follow up scan and prophylactic antibiotics as standard both times. It's in NOT precious or pointless to 'rush off to hospital' if you suspect you are having a miscarriage.

“But remember even after a baby’s birth, mums were told not to get their hopes up - most kids died before their first birthdays back then.”

When, where and who?

I was thinking the same thing. In 1960 the infant mortality rate (death between birth and age one) was 20 in every 1000. This fell year on year and by 1986 it was 9 in 1000.

How does a statistic of 20 in 1000 equate to "most"?

Even in 1901 when the mortality rate was relatively high at 140 in 1000 (according to the ONS), it doesn't equate to most.

BertrandRussell
Out of interest, how do you know what was or was not spoken about among women in "that generation"?

“But remember even after a baby’s birth, mums were told not to get their hopes up - most kids died before their first birthdays back then.”

When, where and who?

I think "then" is usually any time before posters up to about 40 and younger were born and that generation is the unfortunates born in that dark age. The other feature of that dark age is that people born in it will be assumed not to know why gollies are a bad thing.

I think "then" is usually any time before posters up to about 40 and younger were born and that generation is the unfortunates born in that dark age

Ah, the mid-20th century. Back when everyone lived under a toffee paper in't middle o'the road and had families of 95 so that they'd have enough children to send down the mines to earn their keep. Medical care consisted of the village wise women shaking their magic toads over your stricken body and there was absolutely no such thing as contraception, vaccination, or science.

Posters are still talking about different generations without specifying. The OP was a bit vague, so it's no surprise to have a bit of confusion.

In answer to neverever about her observations of her mum in her 80s - my mum is 80 (so born in '37) had friends and chatted and laughed but is VERY ''stiff upper lip'' about 'women's' problems, whispering, hinting and proud to 'keep men out of it'. They ''needn't see tampon boxes'' ect. as if they would pass out from the sheer shock of it. She was naive about periods and conception and was never someone i could go to about anything intimate in my teens in the 80s.

I was born late 60s and my dad was not welcome at the birth. (attitude of the midwives and my mum.) He never changed a nappy. He would have been 82 now if he were alive, love him.

Upbringing plays a part as well as generation.

bear

People didn't put so much emphasis on miscarriage before 12 weeks. Considered to be 'natures way' of dealing with embryo/ foetus that was probably not secure or normal. Mankind has moved a long way in interfering with what nature intended in all aspects to do with The human body. We all expect everything to be either perfect or fixable and when it isn't we can't seem to accept this nowadays.

Bloody glad this attitude has changed. In the case of molar pregnancies, this is why women died. Thankfully we now have early intervention.