AIBU to want my kids back??

[RoseNarene]

Just before Christmas my ex and I agreed at court to a child arrangement order whereby the kids (5 and 1) live with me roughly 65% of the time. The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January.

He has taken them to a holiday home in Wales and is demanding that I make the 5 hour journey to collect them on the 2nd. If I can't then he will bring them back on the 4th.

It may only seem like a couple of days but they have already been away from me for 7 days and my baby is only 1. This is all about control for him. He isn't technically breaking the court order because it says I have to collect them but it doesn't state a location, but we live 10 minutes from each other so the assumption would naturally be that I collect from his house.

What do I do?

Stay strong Op - he sounds like a right dick.

I have a contact order for exchanged with my DS. We are abroad, and I stick to the letter of the judgement. My Ex is also an unfaithful dick.

Absolutely stick to the letter of the judgement. 6pm at his house.
Tell him that you will call the police if he does not present the children to you.
You really have to play hardball with this. I have had my child not given to me, for a holiday because the paperwork was not completed, even though my ex had said to the judge I could take him.

Make sure you have a copy of the court order and take a friend (witness)

@octonaught exactly the advice I was going to give.
If he does not have your kids back by the time stated it is him who’s broken the order

Rose i learnt the hard way after years of bending over backwards, you cant win with someone like this by being the nice one or compromising as they always want a bit more, or want to control you, when they cant control you they then start the emotional blackmail crap, its never them, its you, your unreasonable blah blah.

Just do what you are doing, do everything by the book and as someone said upthread, don't enter into dialogue with him about anything other than the kids, when he starts pulling stunts like this act rational, think about what your doing and take advice, dont stoop to his level and dont let him control the situation.

Good move there OP.

What's the betting they've never been in Wales at all? What an aresehole he is.

I would just send him a cheery text back saying "No worries, see you on the 4th then. Lovely to have a few days to myself, thanks for that! Happy new year!"

Guarantee they'll be on your doorstep by morning. What a cunt.

Well done.
Hope he sees sense and everything works out fine.

She says the court order assumes the original collection place and that I can take him to court if he does not ensure the girls are at his home address. So I have told him

Personally, i'd wait until he brought them back so you have evidence of him deliberately breaking the terms of the contact order.
Then i'd refuse any further contact on the basis of his untrustworthiness and controlling wankery.

I'd take it back to court and get the loose ends tied up.....wonder if they could word it so he needs your permission to take them anywhere outside a certain mile radius of their homes?

What Heebeejeebies said!

Interested to hear his response to your text however! Well done x

yay for the free and excellent advice! Hope X sees sense and backs down with minimal fuss and bluster.

Any update OP? Did your ex respond to your text? X

It would be s good idea to resolve the issue of 'holidays' in the court though. At some point either one of you might want to take them abroad for a fortnight so there needs to be some 'flexibility' within a framework.

No reply to the text as yet! I imagine he's aiming to speak to his solicitor today.

What an arsehole!
You’ve been given good advice. Sit tight and await his next move. This doesn’t bode well for future contact though if he thinks this is reasonable behaviour.

How horrible for you op, I hope he brings them back soon and you can make sure this doesn't happen again.

You poor thing, I can't imagine how you're feeling. His solicitor will only repeat the same thing to him, what an utter tool. Hopefully it will teach him a lesson though.

Well done OP for standing firm, many in your position wouldn't (been there, done that, have learnt my lesson that if you give in once they'll keep on taking the piss)

So sorry you are being put through this. I have been there with very young children too. It's dreadful. Tool of the year indeed. I hope you get it all sorted.

Doesn't your 5YO need to go back to school? All the schools round here go back on 3rd or 4th.

Schools here (North) go back on 9th x

Even if you don't hear from him, hold your nerve and go to the address on the court order at the appointed time.
Chances are he is trying to play mind games with you; just trying to control you.
Perhaps call 101 and let them know that you are expecting to collect your children today at 6pm and you are concerned that your ex has not replied and if the children are not presented to you, do you call the police to intervene? (I would imagine they would telephone him in the first instance; but I suspect your children will be there on time. Your ex will just want to make it as agonisig as possible for you.)

Sorry you are going through this, but I speak from bitter experience

Back on 8th here

I was wrong when I replied before, OP. I think you've handled this better than I would have. I'd have gone to Wales. But I can see that it's a pattern of being controlling and making you jump through hoops. You've done brilliantly and I'm sorry.

Were all back in tomorrow, the 3rd.

I hope it goes smoothly today, OP. Stand firm.

No need for any apologies! Tbh I totally flipped out at first. Uncontrollable floods of tears, stormed out of the house and had to go for a walk, my family all got worried... but then after all the emotional outpouring was done, we were able to sit back and plan it out. And yes, very fortunately my barrister replied to my email and didn't charge me - this time!

He has told me he is "now leaving", and I assume he means Wales. On that basis he will arrive at his house at around 5:30, but that's without stopping, and the girls will need dinner. So I am suspicious that he is planning to go to his parents, as he will get there roughly 45 minutes earlier.

I'll go to the house at 6pm and see what happens. I'll keep you all posted.

Also worth noting that "his" house is actually "our" house. I was forced to leave because of emotional abuse and have ended up with my parents for the time being. Yes, he was happy to see me and his children effectively homeless. I'm in the process of getting that sorted...