Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's really cheeky to remove Christmas flowers from the altar for your wedding

433 replies

user1485342611 · 01/01/2018 14:25

A good friend of mine is on the flower team for our local church. They did the altar up beautifully for Christmas. A wedding had been booked in the church for a few days after Christmas and they wanted to remove all the flowers and replace with their own arrangements. It was explained to the B&G that once the Church was decorated for Christmas it had to stay that way until 12th night.

The couple kicked up an almighty fuss and said there was no way they wanted red and white flowers on the altar during their wedding. Then, with no permission, they went into the church, removed all the Christmas arrangements from the altar and left them at the side of the Church. They then replaced them with their own flowers, and brought the flowers away with them after the wedding, leaving the altar (and the steps outside which were also decorated for Christmas) bare.

They told no one what they had done and when it was discovered my friend and her team (all voluntary workers) who had spent hours getting the Church ready for Christmas, then had to give up more of their time restoring the altar to the way it was. They were absolutely furious.

AIBU to think this was unbelievably cheeky and to also not understand why you would get married at Christmas time and then object to the Church being decorated in a Christmassy fashion?

OP posts:
kitnkaboodle · 01/01/2018 14:28

YANBU - bloody cheek. Even if you aren't a regular churchgoer and just want the aesthetics of a church (which I'm guessing they were), then churches look lovely ar Christmas. And messing with the altar is - literally - sacrilege.

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 01/01/2018 14:29

Really cheeky! Part of the charm of marrying in a church at Christmas is it's all decked out and festive! (Plus saves you a fortune in flowers!)

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 01/01/2018 14:29

Well they should have put them back after their wedding, but I see no problem in using their own flowers.

Perhaps if there had been a bit of a compromise rather than a resounding 'no, you have to use the church flowers' they would have put them back?

I think they were awful to leave the church bare like that, but YABU expecting them to use flowers they don't like. Presumably they paid for the church? So it's unfair that they can't have the decor they would like simply because it's Christmas.

ny20005 · 01/01/2018 14:29

People get really weird about Christmas weddings. I went to a wedding years ago & bride went nuts as there were Christmas trees in the reception room. She said it was a wedding at Christmas not a Christmas wedding & made hotel staff remove them all 🙄

Church should charge the B&g an extra charge for having to restore all the flowers

Fekko · 01/01/2018 14:31

They didn't even put them back? Very naughty and pissy. It's the rules for goodness sake! We put our date back as it was originally around Easter when we couldn't have put flowers in the church.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 01/01/2018 14:32

A church isn't a hotel 'CoffeeBreak'. The flowers are arranged by volunteers for the benefit of the entire congregation and bearing in mind the time on the Church's calendar. Any voluntary donation that a B&G make to the Church goes towards heating it for the afternoon, cleaning the red carpet etc.

OP posts:
TheSnowballFairy · 01/01/2018 14:33

You (and your friends) are definitely NBU.

B&G are CWF's.

Cheeky wedding fuckers

greendale17 · 01/01/2018 14:34

What a rude, disrespectful and entitled couple. Probably the type that get married in church for the show of it all.

53rdWay · 01/01/2018 14:36

Very odd to want a church wedding at Christmas, and not know/care that churches are doing things other than weddings at that time!

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 01/01/2018 14:36

I absolutely understand that, our wedding was at Christmas and we married in church. The vicar said that we could move the flowers if we wished but could we ensure that they were put back exactly how they were found - we did. No issue at all.

I just think that for the sake of good relations it wouldn't have hurt to let them have their own flowers in the first place.

GottadoitGottadoit · 01/01/2018 14:41

The vicar said that we could move the flowers if we wished but could we ensure that they were put back exactly how they were found

I don’t get why you wouldn’t do this?

Original poster
user1485342611 · 01/01/2018 14:44

I think because. nine times out of ten they're not put back correctly, things get broken, arrangements get messed up by being moved around the place etc.

At Christmas a particular effort is made because so many people come to the Church and a lot of thought goes into the arrangements and where they're placed and so on.

OP posts:
SouthWindsWesterly · 01/01/2018 14:44

Unusually, I’m actually quite insulted by this. I have close family members who give up a lot of time for their church and the flowers reflect the importance of the date in the church calendar. The flowers aren’t a whim - they decorate the church due to the importance of Christmas. If they didn’t like it, they could have asked another church, chose a different date, moved to a hotel etc.

Yes, they wanted their own flowers but basically they were told the terms plus conditions and ignored them. It’s selfishness and ignorance as they didn’t even get a member of the bridal party to restore the flowers as they had found it. I bet had it been a hotel or a package deal, they wouldn’t have bothered. They’ve gambled on the advantage that the vicar or church volunteers won’t ask for costs for time nor potential costs for repairs to the arrangements.

iBiscuit · 01/01/2018 14:46

One of the perks of having a Christmas wedding is that churches and whatnot are already decorated, surely?

Some people are just weird though. And cheeky.

SemolinaSilkpaws · 01/01/2018 14:50

I am with you OP, not religious and not married but would be delighted to have the church volunteers’ flowers. Have always liked the idea of a Christmas wedding solely so I could carry a small lit Christmas tree up the aisle rather than a traditional bouquet.

Seeingadistance · 01/01/2018 14:53

YADNBU - that was astonishingly rude.

Did the vicar or priest, or whoever it was who conducted the wedding not say anything? I think I would have been very tempted to say that there would be no wedding until the church flowers were put back exactly as they were.

And to others who don't see a problem with Christmas arrangements being moved to make way for wedding flowers - as pp have already pointed out, it is most likely that the flowers and arrangements wouldn't be put back as they originally were, and might well have been damaged. Also, having the church decorated for Christmas is usually one of the attractions of a wedding in church at this time of year.

Seeingadistance · 01/01/2018 14:54

Have always liked the idea of a Christmas wedding solely so I could carry a small lit Christmas tree up the aisle rather than a traditional bouquet.

Grin That would be amazing!

CurbsideProphet · 01/01/2018 14:54

The wedding party stole the church flowers? That's outrageous. Is this being treated as theft?

IvorBiggun · 01/01/2018 14:54

I think the bride and groom were unreasonable not to put the flowers back but I feel the church were being unnecessarily difficult in the first place by insisting they could not move the flowers.

Some people find red and white flowers together unlucky. And some people just like to choose their own decorations for their own wedding.

I feel the church’s unnecessarily rigid stance caused the problem in the first place so they’re all unreasonable.

SouthWindsWesterly · 01/01/2018 14:56

Just thought - it’s not just the volunteers time though is it? Who pays for the church flowers and pays to replace any damaged ones?

YesThisIsMe · 01/01/2018 14:59

Flower arrangements on an altar are not like table centrepieces which can be brought in by car and plonked wherever you want. They’re normally made in situ, over a period of hours and they’re not designed to be moved because why would you? Flower arranging for a portable display and an immobile display are separate things.

ShiftyMcGifty · 01/01/2018 14:59

Also don’t understand who let them into the church early enough to allow them to do that and who performed the ceremony and didn’t notice the dumped flowers.

FuzzyCustard · 01/01/2018 15:00

If they didn't want the church's flowers and don't like a Christmassy colour scheme then perhaps they should have chosen a date that wouldn't have the same "clash". (Would they have changed the altar cloth in Advent because they don't like purple?)

It's very cheeky and disrespectful and I reckon they are counting on the church not to say anything.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 01/01/2018 15:01

It depends Southwinds. The normal church flowers are paid for by church funds. B&Gs are more than welcome to use these flowers free of charge. If they want a particular colour scheme or to choose their own flowers they pay for them and they are arranged for free by the team. They can remove the flowers from the altar if they wish as they've paid for them, but it's considered bad for to do this.
If a few couples are getting married over the space of a few days, the flower team put them in touch with each other so that they can agree a colour scheme and club together for the flowers.

Flowers for Christmas, Easter etc are paid for by the Church. Again, B&Gs are welcome to avail of these for their wedding but must accept the flowers that are on the altar at this time.

OP posts:
wrenika · 01/01/2018 15:02

I don't see the problem, as long as they reinstated the christmas flowers afterwards. It's only flowers...