To think it's really cheeky to remove Christmas flowers from the altar for your wedding

[user1485342611]

A good friend of mine is on the flower team for our local church. They did the altar up beautifully for Christmas. A wedding had been booked in the church for a few days after Christmas and they wanted to remove all the flowers and replace with their own arrangements. It was explained to the B&G that once the Church was decorated for Christmas it had to stay that way until 12th night.

The couple kicked up an almighty fuss and said there was no way they wanted red and white flowers on the altar during their wedding. Then, with no permission, they went into the church, removed all the Christmas arrangements from the altar and left them at the side of the Church. They then replaced them with their own flowers, and brought the flowers away with them after the wedding, leaving the altar (and the steps outside which were also decorated for Christmas) bare.

They told no one what they had done and when it was discovered my friend and her team (all voluntary workers) who had spent hours getting the Church ready for Christmas, then had to give up more of their time restoring the altar to the way it was. They were absolutely furious.

AIBU to think this was unbelievably cheeky and to also not understand why you would get married at Christmas time and then object to the Church being decorated in a Christmassy fashion?

'I think it's quite sad that people who go to church all the time don't think people who don't should be allowed to have weddings there afterall church is a large part of the community and you never know they might have such a wonderful experience they come back.'

I find it sad that so many people see a structure built for worship and that is private property as a free-for-all pretty backdrop for their performance that they should be allowed to use as a prop they can mould to their own desire.

Some people don't like red and white flowers together as it's "bad luck".

I can't see the problem with the bride and groom changing the flowers but they should have put the original ones back in the same condition and place they were before.

At our church its absolutely not a 'small donation' to get married there. It cost us over £600 to get married there nearly ten years ago, and that was without flowers/choir/bells, plus we had to pay for the registrar on top. It would have been cheaper to get married at the hotel where we had the reception but we wanted to get married in church.

No worries - we cross posted, @WildRosesGrow.

Send them a bill for your time restoring the church decorations?!,,
That should elicit another grabby poem from the CFs.

Seriously though, I also think that a blanket ban on no additional / replacement, wedding /funeral flowers during events such as Christmas and Easter is shortsighted.

You need to rethink your ban policy and allow those who use the church for weddings and funerals to move and replace the church decorations.
Under supervision by volunteers if needs be, but it’s very shortsighted not to allow people who have a funeral for example not to move a Christmas tree/ harvest festival etc, especially if they are grieving.

Plan ahead and contact a mediator if you need help to think outside your own box and to see how it might seem to others who also use the church. Formulate a plan of action so that volunteer time is respected as well. Supervising the restoration of the church will take less time and effort than having volunteers having to put everything back themselves.

As it is you’re not flexible, you’re fixed on a position, and everyone is suffering.
You need to work around everyone’s needs, respect everyone’s time, and go for a win win.

user if the flower team are volunteers then they dont have to do anything.

It is very them and us I think. A few comments have illustrated that. Calling weddings "performances" because the people getting married dony attend church. Not very respectful is it.

The rector should have refused to marry them. Terrible behaviour.

Of course they shouldn’t have to give up more time, @user1485352611 - they could have given permission for the bride’s florist to move the flowers, and made it clear that no damage was to be done and the flowers were to be carefully replaced after the wedding.

“What a rude, disrespectful and entitled couple. Probably the type that get married in church for the show of it all.”

I agree. I don’t understand why brides get their knickers in a twist about matchy matchy stuff. No-one cares whether the flowers are red or pink. No-one cares whether the seats have matching covers on etc.

The guests only care about being fed and watered and being warm enough. Nothing else matters.

Are you the bride RadioGaGoo?

Underbeneath I'm quite sure the volunteers would have been willing to move the arrangements for a funeral, out of respect for a bereaved family.

That is very different from a couple knowingly booking the Church for a wedding at Christmas time and then demanding that all the Christmas arrangements be removed.

No Lonicera, appart from that being a pretty unimaginative and standard MN question, I married elsewhere.

The bride didn't have a florist SDT. They simply removed the arrangements themselves. If they had offered to bring in a professional florist it would have been different as they would understand the importance of placing the arrangements correctly, and not unbalancing or ruining the flowers and foliage. It's a skilled job and not one that anyone can just do. It's particularly important at Christmas time as a lot of extra thought goes into the arrangements and a lot of different services are being held in the Church.

Well I never knew red and white was bad luck. Ooops my bouquet was beautiful red and white flowers

The B&G shouldn't have moved the flowers especially if they had been told they could not do so. Maybe the church needs to be much clearer on that when someone gets married.

I wonder if the bridal couple don't go to church often enough to know that by tradition altars are often decorated in particular colours for a particular time of the church year ?
If they did perhaps they could arrange their wedding date to match the church decorations and everyone would be happy.

People shouldn’t be allowed to marry in churches where they aren’t regular worshippers. Seems like a lot of brides and grooms want to marry in churches but have no respect for either the religion or the building / community so no point.

I don't understand your point Enid.

Which one? That they're volunteers and if theyre unhappy they dont have to do it?

Or that the church is supposed to be inclusive and forgiving and this thread is proving that is actually isn't?

'Well I never knew red and white was bad luck.'

They're not. They're just flowers.

Both Enid. Neither really makes sense.

As ridiculous as this sounds, some people see red and white flowers as bad luck. My DM loves flowers but would never have red and white flowers together in the house, they symbolise blood and bandages meaning they are an omen that someone will have an accident.

I realise this sounds like total supseticious codswallop BTW.

I understand Enid.

I'm not sure how I could make either point any clearer? I think maybe you don't want to acknowledge them.

My grandmother was a nurse during ww2 and wouldn't ever put red and white flowers together (blood and bandages).

What if you mix in some pink flowers? Does that change it all to an omen of red, white and rose wine? Rose . . . shudders, now there is some bad luck indeed, to drink that shit.

expatinscotland it was tongue in cheek, I loved my bouquet of red roses and white flowers. I doubt very much doubt that the B&G was bothered about that particular colour either but more that they wanted 'their colour scheme'

Yes, my DM is a former nurse as well! Apparently at the hospital where she did her training red and white flowers were banned from the wards.