To think it's really cheeky to remove Christmas flowers from the altar for your wedding

[user1485342611]

A good friend of mine is on the flower team for our local church. They did the altar up beautifully for Christmas. A wedding had been booked in the church for a few days after Christmas and they wanted to remove all the flowers and replace with their own arrangements. It was explained to the B&G that once the Church was decorated for Christmas it had to stay that way until 12th night.

The couple kicked up an almighty fuss and said there was no way they wanted red and white flowers on the altar during their wedding. Then, with no permission, they went into the church, removed all the Christmas arrangements from the altar and left them at the side of the Church. They then replaced them with their own flowers, and brought the flowers away with them after the wedding, leaving the altar (and the steps outside which were also decorated for Christmas) bare.

They told no one what they had done and when it was discovered my friend and her team (all voluntary workers) who had spent hours getting the Church ready for Christmas, then had to give up more of their time restoring the altar to the way it was. They were absolutely furious.

AIBU to think this was unbelievably cheeky and to also not understand why you would get married at Christmas time and then object to the Church being decorated in a Christmassy fashion?

Maybe the volunteers arrangements are not quite as professional as the b and gs florist so they felt they had to be changed? (Should have put them back though. Was it the vicar that said flowers couldn't be removed? or the volunteers?

Unbelievably rude and stingy.

Rude to remove existing flower arrangement, made even worst by being told not to!
Rude to replace them with your own flowers.
Rude to then remove your own flowers! Even when you are free to decorate the church, you leave your flowers there! (unless being told not to). Who can be that cheap that they take everything off immediately after the ceremony? I bet they are the sort of people who will have an expensive photographer, but will charge their guests for everything to recoup their costs
Rude to not replace at least the previous flower arrangements made by volunteers.

I do hope the thread is picked up by the DM and the couple become a national joke.

It's not even about religion, replace "church" by "school", would anyone find it acceptable to mess up the work done by volunteers parents like that?

Thanks to that idiotic couple with the "blow job" photo, weddings have been banned from a certain Greek church. Thanks to idiots like the couple above, other couples will lose out. Disgraceful

They booked a venue for their wedding, they agreed to the conditions then completely disregarded them and did something they had specifically been told not to do.

That's cheeky and rude and if they had been in a more professional venue they would have been stopped before they even got started moving things around. Completely unacceptable behaviour.

OP I'm sorry your friend had to deal with all this and give up extra time at a time of year that's already very busy.

I'm confused slightly. Did they take the church flowers home or just their own flowers?

Enid you seem to be implying that because they 'volunteer' to do the flowers it doesn't matter what people do or how much inconvenience they cause the volunteers. Is that what you're saying?

You also seem to be saying that it's disrespectful to object to non church goers opting to have their wedding in a church and then insisting on having everything their own way regardless of how much it discommodes regular church goers and those who look after the church.

Maybe the volunteers arrangements are not quite as professional as the b and gs florist so they felt they had to be changed?

There was no florist.

There we go people, first challengers for the 2018 CF award....

The church should charge them for the damage as per the hiring agreement.

Disapprove of what the bride and groom did, by all means, @Zatsuma - but wanting them to become a national joke seems vindictive in the extreme.

I think it's actually beside the point whether the church's restrictions re flower arrangements are fair to the bride and groom or not, I'm a practising Christian myself and I'm in two minds about that tbh. The issue here is that the bridal couple supposedly agreed to those restrictions and then reneged and removed the church's flowers without rearranging them afterwards.

That really is cheeky however you look at it, and very unfair on the volunteers, giving them a lot of extra work to do.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius
I am sure the couple will have the courage of their conviction, and will be happy to defend their point of view - and others free to judge their amazingly rude behaviour.
I think leaving the church in a mess for others to redecorate again is worst than laughing at their entitled stinginess.

Oh my gosh how rude! I had a church wedding at Christmas and it saved me an absolute fortune having the flowers in church for Christmas! My reception venue was kitted out with white feathers and candles... would highly recommend!

Very cheeky of the couple!

Yes Seeingadistance. I agree with you. Maybe the problem of entitlement actually stems from some churches marrying anyone who asks, rather than just those of the faith.

Yes, I think you've hit on something there in relation to a sense of entitlement coupled with a lack of connection to the church as a worshipping congregation as opposed to a pretty building.

I don't have very many weddings, tbh, and most of those have been of people who already had some connection to the church. When there is an existing relationship - not only with the person who'll be conducting the wedding, but also the wider congregation, there's more of a sense of this being, I don't know, something significant and joyful which affects a wider community. I much prefer conducting weddings of people I know. Those I don't know well beforehand, I make an effort to get to know better before the ceremony so that the comments I make during the ceremony are personal and meaningful for them as a couple/parents.

And, if the bride and groom already know the church they'll be able to match their flowers, colours etc to the church, rather than trying to make the church change for the sake of their hour!

Many churches have a lot of historical value and it’s possible to appreciate that without being a Christian.

Sure - and feel free to go and look round them as buildings of historic interest. But a church wedding means a church service, not just using the church as a building for a secular wedding, so it is a religious occasion, whether you like that or not.

When I married DH I was a non-believer marrying a Christian, and we agonised and debated and debated whether or not to get married in a church, because I found it hard to reconcile the idea of starting our married life with me saying things I didn't believe. In the end we did, after a long and very honest chat with the vicar and a conversation in which DH laid out just how much it meant to him, but I'm still not sure it was the right decision. Doing it just because you think a church is pretty just seems so, so shallow.

Another one here who thinks the B&G's behaviour was grim, but if we're talking CofE I'm a bit surprised to see the posts about churches asking only for a small donation

Their own website makes it clear that paying charges is certainly not optional:

Compulsory costs

There is a required legal fee for marrying in a church. If you marry outside your own parish, it is £497 in 2017* and £456 if you marry in your home parish (providing you both live there)

In 2018**, it costs £517 if you marry away from where you live and £474 if you marry in your home parish. This is set by the Church of England nationally and is the same for every church

This basic legal fee includes the cost of the vicar, the church, calling your banns, a banns certificate, the marriage certificate, lighting and all administration

This required fee has ancient origins and ensures your church can maintain essential services like weddings, christenings, funerals and all kinds of other ministries for you and your community

Not all churches are CofE, though.

Many churches have a lot of historical value and it’s possible to appreciate that without being a Christian.

I'd suggest that those people book a deconsecrated church which is licensed for civil ceremonies, then.

The other thing which hadn't been mentioned is that churches have other services, which could have been affected by this couple's selfishness.

I know of one church where a couple similar to the one mentioned in the OP, but even more over the top, managed to make major changes to the layout of the church for their wedding - the minister arrived shortly before the ceremony and didn't tell them to fuck off (see how the CFs keep getting away with it!). There was a funeral arranged for the next morning and the church volunteers and the minister spent hours getting the church back to normal for the funeral.

I can't remember the details of all what was done, but it was extensive and there was a wedding planner involved. The church being helpful, had given them a key for the florist, but these changes went way beyond flower arrangements.

I think the bride and groom were unreasonable not to put the flowers back but I feel the church were being unnecessarily difficult in the first place by insisting they could not move the flowers

Please bear in mind that the purpose of the church building is to offer worship to God. You may or may not believe in God - but that is why the church is there. If you are a non-believer and want a church wedding, you will be welcomed but it is common courtesy to respect the faith of the believers.The seasonal flowers reflect the Church year and the liturgy. When you book the wedding you are paying for the ceremony - not the church space, which, when the church is open, is open to all.

It is appallingly bad-mannered to do a thing like this - absolutely disgusting! It may be that individual priest will allow the flower arrangements to be moved for a wedding service, but that is at their discretion.. It is like using someone's home for (say) a coffee morning and rearranging the furniture because you don't like the look of it/ how it is placed, and then leaving the place upside-down.

Who pays for the church flowers and pays to replace any damaged ones?

Flowers are paid for from church funds, but people often give extra for special times of year (ChristmasEaster etc) or in memory of a deceased relative - someone may have paid a lotto money for those flowers to be cast aside.

Churches are usually opened at least half an hour before a service - longer if the weather is bad and people may have travelled a long way.eg for a wedding.

Vergers, priests etc usually want this to be a wonderful experience for the wedding couple and will accommodate them wherever possible. Sadly, most couples and wedding congregations seem to be unaware that this is, in fact, a RELIGIOUS ceremony first and foremost, and a legal on second.

If you just want to be legally married then you can go to a registrar.

If you want a service before God ie in a church, then you should respect the requirements of the church.

*lotof money, not lotto money

My reception venue was kitted out with white feathers and candles... would highly recommend!

@Mammyloveswine. That sounds lovely!

Puzzled that's the administrative charge which goes to the CofE, not to the individual church. It's about the same cost as having two registrars at a licensed venue on a Saturday for a civil ceremony. Many couples also choose to make a donation to the individual church.

I don't believe there's any way of becoming legally married in the UK for free - is there?

Unless they got the church for free they can decorate it how they wanted.

Unless they got the church for free they can decorate it how they wanted.

They didn't rent the church. RTFT.