To think it's really cheeky to remove Christmas flowers from the altar for your wedding

[user1485342611]

A good friend of mine is on the flower team for our local church. They did the altar up beautifully for Christmas. A wedding had been booked in the church for a few days after Christmas and they wanted to remove all the flowers and replace with their own arrangements. It was explained to the B&G that once the Church was decorated for Christmas it had to stay that way until 12th night.

The couple kicked up an almighty fuss and said there was no way they wanted red and white flowers on the altar during their wedding. Then, with no permission, they went into the church, removed all the Christmas arrangements from the altar and left them at the side of the Church. They then replaced them with their own flowers, and brought the flowers away with them after the wedding, leaving the altar (and the steps outside which were also decorated for Christmas) bare.

They told no one what they had done and when it was discovered my friend and her team (all voluntary workers) who had spent hours getting the Church ready for Christmas, then had to give up more of their time restoring the altar to the way it was. They were absolutely furious.

AIBU to think this was unbelievably cheeky and to also not understand why you would get married at Christmas time and then object to the Church being decorated in a Christmassy fashion?

Our church is open from 10am - about 5pm every day Shifty so anyone can go in. By the time the priest performing the ceremony noticed the flowers it would have been too late to do anything about it.

YANBU They were really rude.

Obviously, like many people, the church wedding meant nothing to them other than a pretty backdrop. Pity the vicar didn't tell them to fuck off.

I'm minister in a church which badly needs the interior repainted. I wonder if I could find myself a bride and groom who are so self-absorbed that they'd repaint the church overnight just for their wedding.

The point is Wrenika, they didn't reinstate them.

B & G pay to use the church and should be able to decorate according to their wishes. They then have to either put back everything themselves or pay someone to do it.

Churches charge for the use of the building. They can't take money then impose such unreasonable restrictions on the paying couple. If the Church is so anal over the Christmas flowers, don't take any wedding bookings. But churches like cash, don't they.

They don't 'pay' to use the Church. A donation is the norm, but is voluntary, and is used to cover the costs of heating, cleaning, red carpet etc. You can't 'hire' a church for the afternoon. It's not a function room in a pub.

Seeingadistance. Paint it yourself with your congregation.

So if no donation is forthcoming, then they could still use the church?

Of that's the case, then yes, they are cheeky

The amount the average church receives in wedding fees is absolutely minimal, and much much less than commercial premises charge for weddings.
You are DNBU. They are CFs.

I think it would be lovely to get married with red and white Christmassy flowers.

Disgusting that they did this.

Gottado because a friend did our flowers and they were nicer.

It's not the same as taking away the actual religious items (such as the purple as suggested) because they are arranged by a volunteer with a particular taste. Flowers for a wedding are also arranged by someone with a particular taste.

It doesn't mean they're not appreciated, it means that they aren't preferred. There's a huge difference.

Churches are for everyone, they shouldn't be governed by 'volunteers' who make no allowances for the general public to use them. It's very much a 'them and us' situation and this is why a lot of people avoid them. Of course this is a 2 way street and respect should be shown by both 'sides' but someone has to make a start.

They should have just said yes to the flowers and given them the condition. They might have been pleasantly surprised.

@RadioGaGoo The amount charged by churches for the use of the building varies - from no charge at all through a charge to cover heating and lighting, and upwards.

Irrespective of whether there was a charge and how much it was, the church - in common with others who hire out buildings for various purposes - had put in place conditions - don't move the Christmas flowers without prior agreement. The couple blatantly ignored this and no doubt were banking, successfully as it turned out, that the vicar would be kind enough not to tell them to fuck off!

If their wedding had been in a hotel, and they breached the conditions attached to the use of the wedding room, they would almost certainly have found their wedding delayed and/or themselves having to pay extra for having made free with someone else's property.

Is at a donation? Or a required legal fee?

Really says that this couple prioritised the visuals (matching flowers to dresses and ties!) over the religious significance of a church wedding.

Sadly sums up many weddings and the 'performance' they have become.

Did the vicar not say anything? Their booking should have been cancelled when they 'kicked up an almighty fuss' because it's obvious they see church as just a pretty venue.

People that totally miss the point and materialise marraige so it all matched.

'Is at a donation? Or a required legal fee?'

It's a donation. There is a required legal fee if the couple wish to have a registrar appear at the same time and have a civil wedding as well.

The church isn't 'governed' by volunteer 'Coffee'. As I've already explained, there are certain times of the year when the Church calendar dictates how the altar will be dressed. At all other times B&Gs can use the existing altar flowers free of charge, or pay for their own choice of flower and have them arranged free of charge by the flower team (or bring their own flower arranger if they prefer).

I think your comment is terribly unfair. Our Church depends hugely on the work of the volunteers who dress the altar, clean the church, organise baptisms etc etc.

Were they Newcastle United fans?

I got married at Christmas and paid for the flowers which they used for the whole period as their Christmas decorations. I was very happy to do it.

Seeingadistance. I doubt very much that a different venue would have such an issue with flower arrangements as it it very much expect that flowers of the couples choosing will be used.

I agree entirely with Coffee. Churches are very much a 'them and us' scenario.

If the Church is so anal over the Christmas flowers, don't take any wedding bookings.

Or, if the B&G are so anal about wedding flowers, don't get married in a church at Christmas!

Paint it yourself with your congregation.

I was just kidding when I suggested looking for a self-absorbed B&G to do it. Wishful thinking, perhaps. It is a job for professionals, and will cost several thousands to do properly.

Church buildings are very expensive to maintain, and church members make huge commitments to those buildings - both financially and in terms of their time.

That's one reason there is more to this than "simply moving a few flowers around".

I didn't realize that the flowers on the alter were sacred? (Pp said removing them would be sacri!edge) Could someone explain this to me?