Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why would anyone do this?

450 replies

Puppyduppydoo · 31/12/2017 22:41

Name changed for this thread.

I’ve just had FB message from a complete stranger who maintains she has been having an affair with my husband. She hasn’t, the message was full of totally incorrect details including dates and times when I know he was with me.

They had connected on linked-in but have never met. Why would somebody do this, particularly on NYE?

OP posts:
liminality · 01/01/2018 09:35

Whoa frog, invested, much? I think everyone in this room needs a big Gin

extinctspecies · 01/01/2018 09:36

Oh dear OP, perhaps unsurprisingly given the time & date you posted, the thread seems to have descended into a drunken brawl.

For what it's worth, I have over 700 connections on Linked In (am self-employed). I haven't met them all personally.

And I have mentioned my dog in passing in professional conversations - e.g. having to reschedule a regular conference call due to having a vet visit booked in.

And it would be very easy for someone to know I was married to DH through Facebook. There's a think on your profile which says who you are in a relationship with!

OP, I've no idea why this woman did this to you - but she is obviously nuts. I once got a random phone call from a stranger when I was at home with DH asking me why my number was on her husband's phone. I put DH on & he told her to piss off. So it does happen. I'm guessing mistaken identity most likely.

Trooperslane2 · 01/01/2018 09:36

I had this too - but it was clearly ridiculous and she was nowhere near anywhere he'd been in the last 20 years.

It was also full of spelling mistakes and on further investigation it looked like the person was late teens with SEN (no offence intended however her posts were more like what a six year old would write) - her feed was very open and full of fantastic status updates that were clearly not true/massively exaggerated. I blocked and forgot about it.

speakout · 01/01/2018 09:41

The thing is- none of us ( including the OP) actutally know the truth here.

On balance I think the thread - although extreme views either side probably has it right.

And far from being a man hating thread I am reading the opposite.
This "other woman" has been called a bunny boiler, written off as having mental health issues and many other.

Her motives may be skewed or wrong or a hideous joke, but equally she may be telling the truth.

If I were the OP I would tread carefully.

treaclesoda · 01/01/2018 09:47

Can you honestly say you’ve spent every single night with your husband?! He’s not visited his family or friends alone ever over the past few years?! Or a work trip?! Come on - it would be a very odd relationship if you’ve not even spent one night apart ever

I was having a think about this. It's ten years since my husband last spent a night away from home without me. He used to go away occasionally for work but then there was a change of policy where he works and now he never gets sent anywhere. He'd never visit friends or family alone and stay overnight either. I've been away without him a few times but he was at home with the children, so if he had left them with granny overnight I'd have heard. When I think of the people I know, there aren't all that many whose husbands are regularly away overnight.

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2018 09:55

She may be unhinged and your DH hasn’t had an affair.
However, even if that’s the case he is using LinkedIn in a very odd way. It’s not Facebook, it’s a site for business connections. I very much doubt any of mine know I have a dog or even children!
Your OH shouldn’t be chatting to women he doesn’t know online unless it’s for a very specific reason such as advancing his career

thegamblersmrs · 01/01/2018 09:56

@Puppyduppydoo my friend had a situation similar to this some years ago.
A police officer friend gave her some tips,keep the person talking and talk them into a corner.
Ie reply back and say - so you're the one that gave him that big scratch on his (there's no scratch) ah so he was with you last night, he told me he was at his mums (he was with you) etc.
She had a stalker who she thought could see her as lots of stuff he said was very convincing. Turns out he was miles away, had never met her and was just very good with his guessing and the things he'd learned from social media.

speakout · 01/01/2018 10:00

Just to add it is perfectly possible to have an affair without staying overnight. It is possible to have sex at lunchtime, even when out "walking the dog".

Original poster
Puppyduppydoo · 01/01/2018 10:05

Can you honestly say you’ve spent every single night with your husband?! He’s not visited his family or friends alone ever over the past few years?! Or a work trip?! Come on - it would be a very odd relationship if you’ve not even spent one night apart ever

The last time we spent a night apart was three years ago when I holidayed on my
own. She’s claiming this happened in the last 6 months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puppyduppydoo · 01/01/2018 10:08

Your OH shouldn’t be chatting to women he doesn’t know online unless it’s for a very specific reason such as advancing his career

My husband is free to chat to whomever he chooses. I don’t own him.

OP posts:
OldEnglishSheepDog · 01/01/2018 10:10

Wow. This thread is quite quite mad isn't it!? The boring answer would be that either (a) she's a woman with mental health problems or (b) she accidentally sent this to the wrong person (someone else using DH's online identity maybe?)

Have you both blocked her OP?

speakout · 01/01/2018 10:10

puppyduppy- can I ask did this "other woman" claim that her and your OH "slept together"?

speakout · 01/01/2018 10:11

Or spent the night away with each other?

ZoopDragon · 01/01/2018 10:11

She may have a mental health disorder. Patients who are psychotic or delusional sometimes fixate on a person and actually believe they're in a relationship with them. It's often somebody they haven't met in real life.

Try to let it go. She may not be able to distinguish reality from fantasy. No need to be angry or upset, as you know there is no truth in it.

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 10:13

OK, so this is the reason I don't want to join LinkedIn.

There are nasty internet trolls everywhere : as a teacher I can tell you all the kids at my school regularly get Facebook messages and friend requests for people they don't know (generally very attractive women to suck them in) . these are never who they say they are :and they are often men. It could be as sinister as them trying to get you to meet with them in private or they could just be an arsehole. They will often go fro dates like NYE when they suspect people's defences are down. Sounds a bit like they have been grooming DH for info.

Is there a report function on LinkedIn? That is what he needs to do. You have already done the right thing by blocking.

It's scary but report, block, ignore and move on. This person will have done this to many people last night.

How'locked down' is your Facebook? Max out your privacy settings.

iLoveSundaysMe · 01/01/2018 10:13

People are weird and do some very strange things - it sounds all very odd and could possibly be the mind of a mentally unstable person.

I'm thinking she wouldn't get such huge facts wrong (overnight stays) if she were determined to convince you?

What you need to do is get to a point where you are satisfied that he's not guilty of anything then put it to bed.

That's all you need to do and can possibly only do that by talking with her, via email if in person is not doable.

Get straight facts from her, ie: say to her, I have absolutely no idea why you are doing this, your facts are entirely incorrect and not possible. Please can you explain what your intentions are because this is extremely strange.

Be vague, don't admit whether you believe it or not, just ask for clarity.

Wait to see what she says, I imagine the reply will reveal the Crux of it. If there's any truth, she'll be desperate to prove it and if it's completely fabricated, you'll see it.

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 10:17

Oh, and DO NOT give out any personal details (hometown, age) Remove those details from FB. They could be trying to establish enough about you to commit a crime.

Engage in no more contact : v bad advice (sorry PPs)

iLoveSundaysMe · 01/01/2018 10:18

Or if you absolutely believe it's made up, then do nothing.

If it will play on your mind or if there's a seed of doubt then I think you need to do the above.

For what it's worth, I really hope that she has made the whole thing up.

Original poster
Puppyduppydoo · 01/01/2018 10:18

speakout she said he had stayed the night at her house.

OP posts:
iLoveSundaysMe · 01/01/2018 10:19

Yes but Piggy - she is a real person, her DH knows her. She isn't a troll, she is a real person and has been identified as such

iLoveSundaysMe · 01/01/2018 10:21

And OP could respond without any more info about herself or details.

MiddleClassProblem · 01/01/2018 10:22

A troll can be someone known to you. But also as pp said, this is from an fb account. It may not even be her.

To anyone saying these things don’t happen, no one makes stufff like this up etc are a bit naive and maybe not aware of what the internet really is like. Plenty of us are giving examples of it happening.

Bluntness100 · 01/01/2018 10:27

This is very strange all round.

I've over 400 linked in connections. Not all of them I've met. Personal Chat can start and then usually moves to something else like telephone or email. However yes I can believe folks would have a brief chat on LinkedIn,

I don't know why your husband is chatting to someone he doesn't know and doing so about random shit like walking rhe dog. LinkedIn can be used a bit like a Chat up place if someone chooses.

Why did he connect with her?
Why is he chatting with her on such a personal level?
Are you sure the Chat didn't move to another platform?

The fact her story is wrong also is very weird. Saying he spends nights and his dad has died. I find it weird you'd drip feed that and not mention it in your op. Only dates and times mentioned in the op.

Exactly how big was this face book message she sent you exactly? Seems she gave a whole lot of detail. 🤔

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2018 10:28

Ye she is free to puppy but I wouid be asking why wouid he want to?
I’m in the “probably not having an affair” camp but I would still wonder why he felt the need to have cosy chats with a woman he doesn’t know on a business related website. He’s shown a lack of judgement at least because its lead to this.
You dont know who people are online or what agenda they have so to be safe caution is best

iLoveSundaysMe · 01/01/2018 10:28

Ok, Op needs to do whatever she feels
Comfortable with and no more contact is probably the most sensible thing to do.

I'm thinking that she will contact try to op again if she's desperate and it will reveal more information. If she's trying to troll her or something more sinister then she may just go away because she's had no response.

It's hard to know what to do but usually doing nothing for a while is the best thing.

And I would be FURIOUS if someone did this to me, the same as OPs DH. It's a normal reaction, not an admission of guilt.

Hope this goes away for you and soon.