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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why would anyone do this?

450 replies

Puppyduppydoo · 31/12/2017 22:41

Name changed for this thread.

I’ve just had FB message from a complete stranger who maintains she has been having an affair with my husband. She hasn’t, the message was full of totally incorrect details including dates and times when I know he was with me.

They had connected on linked-in but have never met. Why would somebody do this, particularly on NYE?

OP posts:
RedDogsBeg · 01/01/2018 01:04

The OP didn't post because she was suspicious about what the woman said she posted because she couldn't understand why someone would do something like that on NYE. posters went off on their own little tangents ignoring the question the OP asked in order to pursue their own agenda.

froginapond · 01/01/2018 01:05

@Growthrough

So you post on a public forum then get pissed at the people who disagree with you?

Everyone's entitled to their own opinion and mine would be your husband is up to no good

THIS ^

It's fucking ridiculous.

I'm done on here, as I am sick of the berating and bashing, which seems to be only aimed at me for some reason (from the OP and a couple of others.) Despite the fact I have not said anything wrong and have only been posting my views and opinions.

Something is going on, and the OP's DH knows the woman more than he is making out, and the OP knows this, and that is why she is being so defensive and fucking rude.

As I said, I am done here. Just forget the message OP if you trust your DH implicitly, and believe every word he says, despite this bizarre message.

See you on here in about 3 months when you post your 'can't believe how wrong I was - my husband was cheating all along...' thread! Wink

RedDogsBeg · 01/01/2018 01:09

The Op didn't ask for opinions on her husband though, did she? And you know what they say about opinions.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 01/01/2018 01:12

Opinions make you cry, oh no wait, that onions!

brilliantfoxes · 01/01/2018 01:13

Agree with another20

Either batshit
Stalker
Knows DH obsessed
Had a fling
Had full blown affair.

I would monitor the situation. I wouldn't rule in or out yet but would definitely observe and make a few checks.

Fitbitironic · 01/01/2018 01:16

Either she is lying or you have slipped into insanity and have only imagined your husband sleeping beside you
Does anyone else remember the thread on which someone noticed their dh/dp not in bed in the early hours a couple of times. He said he'd gone for a drive or something, turned out he was off sagging someone else, then coming back home. There's always a way.

Personally, I'd check out everything in as much detail as possible.

Fitbitironic · 01/01/2018 01:17

Ffs, my phone's a prude... SHAGGING not sagging.

ermagerdsnur · 01/01/2018 01:21

Amazing how the OP posted with suspicions and worries about what has happened

including the OP who was clearly worried enough to post about it but is now attacking people saying it sounds suspicious

Except that the OP didn't say any of this or ask for views on whether people thought her DH was cheating on her!!!!

She asked why someone would behave in such a way.....

And people wonder why others accuse MN of being full of men haters Confused

Hygge · 01/01/2018 01:22

Why would someone do this on NYE?

Because she's drunk and thought it would be funny?

If you're sure she's lying because she's claiming he's been with her when you know he was with you, that's probably the most likely explanation.

She's drunk and she's the sort of person who gets spiteful when they're drunk.

One Christmas one drunk woman in the pub (which I worked in and my parents ran) told me that if my DH died it would be okay because I could get married again, but if her brother died then it would be worse because she couldn't get another one. She was spoiling for a fight and looking for the most provocative thing to say. I've got no idea why she decided to pick on me to look for it.

Whatever reason your DH has for being in contact with her on Linked-In, he needs to end it though. If he won't or can't, that's when you need to wonder why not. Nobody is important enough to be kept as a contact after this kind of lie, so he should be ready and willing to cut all contact with her, limited as it is.

HopefullyAnonymous · 01/01/2018 01:36

If she says she’s been texting him, have you checked his phone? Although it’s probably too late now.

llangennith · 01/01/2018 01:46

She probably fancies your husband and has had more than a few drinks and is acting out a fantasy. You did the right thing. Ignore and block her.

Rach5l · 01/01/2018 01:47

If she is lying I would want to have it out with her properly, she wouldn't be getting away with shit stirring that easily. don't block her - string her along & then you can find out the answer to your original question & come back & enlighten us Smile

wherethevioletsgrow · 01/01/2018 07:08

I would pretend to believe her to get more info and then you can potentially gather ammunition should you need to report her to the police for harassment.

My bet is that she is somehow pissed off with your DH in some way (not sure why though) and this is some twisted revenge.

KC225 · 01/01/2018 07:25

Are you sure its her that sent the text. A group of us had a friend, she got a new partner, very full on every quickly. He seemed quiet more than odd. But apparently was insanely jealous and accosted most men of the group (happily married and one gay) of having an affair with the friend. He would email them or he would corner them alone at various 'dos'. Friend was completely unaware of his checking her phone, Facebook everything. It was a big shock when it all came out.

lljkk · 01/01/2018 07:58

OP, why are you only replying to people who want you to be very sure about your husband? Lots and lots of people supported you to say "Yes people online are nutters."

If you want a chance to know what her reasons are, you need to string her along.
That could be quite fun (if you're a mischief-maker like me).

Queenofwands · 01/01/2018 08:22

Kc255 That was what I was about to say. May be a speculative message from a jealous/ controling partner trying to flush out an affair. That would explain the dates which would be when she had opportunity. He may be reading her social media .

Killdora · 01/01/2018 08:41

I don’t think it’s overreacting bynposters to point out the ‘insane hysterical woman stalker’ narrative is often readily believed when it isn’t true.

Also, just because this woman is lying about dates etc. doesn’t mean she isn’t telling the partial truth.

I dismissed my ex’s ow because she made up some extra stuff, to either hurt me or make it seem like she had more evidence than she did. And because I caught her out in a few lies I just put it out of my mind as the act of a random shit stirrer.

It took another year for the real truth to come out.

QuitMoaning · 01/01/2018 08:57

I have had a couple of texts to our landline about my OH cheating on me. We think we know who is doing it as they have landline number but not my mobile so the connection is my OH business.
He is not cheating, it is someone doing it out of spite and we think ex partner (male) of an employee(female) as he hates my OH and blames him for his own relationship breakdown.

DollyLlama · 01/01/2018 09:02

Wow this thread got out of hand real fast!

OP you know your OH well enough to make a judgement call here. I don’t know why someone would lie but I had the reverse once. A mad woman phoned me up and was threatening to kill me because I was sleeping with her boyfriend. I can assure you, I was not!

She knew my name, phone number and a few other details about me. God only knows! Some people are either unhinged or have a very strange idea of what’s a fun thing to do!

Rainbowsandflowers78 · 01/01/2018 09:09

I would believe her. Why on Earth would anyone make up a lie like this?!

Can you honestly say you’ve spent every single night with your husband?! He’s not visited his family or friends alone ever over the past few years?! Or a work trip?! Come on - it would be a very odd relationship if you’ve not even spent one night apart ever

hahahaIdontgetit · 01/01/2018 09:15

I'm sorry your NYE was ruined by some loon, ignore it, you know your DH.

MuseumOfCurry · 01/01/2018 09:20

I don't think I'd be so quick to dismiss it out of hand, either.

The fact that she's fabricated part of her email doesn't mean it's entirely untrue. It may be that she's tried her luck with the overnight parts just to create a more convincing story.

I don't think this is man-hating, I'd say the same thing to a man who received such a message about his wife.

I hate to say this, but the odds of this happening to you randomly are pretty slim. I'd monitor the situation.

flumpybear · 01/01/2018 09:20

Ignore what others are saying on here

She's clearly lying - tell your OH to delete her /block her etc on FB/LinkedIn and forget it. Clearly unhinged! Probably wants to shit stir so you break up and she can shark in - bitch!!

Ragwort · 01/01/2018 09:22

you know your DH - Hmm - yeah, did you honestly think that those of us who have experienced DHs/DPs having an affair though oh yes, I think he's the type to have an affair.

No one (or very, very few women) would think their DH is the 'type' to have an affair - if there even is a 'type'. I have sadly known many men to be visiably shocked and angry when they hear that another man is having an affair/inappropriate relationship ......... only to go and do the same thing themselves a few months/years later.

I hope, for your sake, OP that this is nothing more than a creepy message, but just be aware of the possibility. And of course, your DH doesn't have to spend the night away from you to be having an affair.

WorldWideWanderer · 01/01/2018 09:27

Some people are just malicious or unhinged. When I was married, my husband had a high profile job where he was very connected to the public....you wouldn't believe the number of times people either made up stuff, or tried to spread these sorts of rumours. It happens.

If you are absolutely sure there is no truth in it, don't let it drive a wedge between you and your OH, block and move on.....