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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why would anyone do this?

450 replies

Puppyduppydoo · 31/12/2017 22:41

Name changed for this thread.

I’ve just had FB message from a complete stranger who maintains she has been having an affair with my husband. She hasn’t, the message was full of totally incorrect details including dates and times when I know he was with me.

They had connected on linked-in but have never met. Why would somebody do this, particularly on NYE?

OP posts:
2018IsGoingToBeMyYear · 01/01/2018 00:46

Charming Frog 😂

Pretty sure the op wasn't worried about her DH but actually wondering why someone would do something so twattish like the woman has.

Perhaps youve had bad experiences with men frog and are very untrusting but don't be projecting onto the OP... I know nothing about your life in the same way that you know nothing about the OP's life

runwalkrun · 01/01/2018 00:47

She could be a crazy loon.
She may be telling the truth.

It's up to you to decide

froginapond · 01/01/2018 00:47

YAWNNNN

RedDogsBeg · 01/01/2018 00:47

People do some very odd things at times, OP, I don't know why and don't think you will ever know why either.

You know your husband, you know whether his reactions are genuine or not and you know whether to believe him. Posters on here do not know him and are replying with their own preconceived judgement and agenda and will not listen to anything you say to refute their assertions. You know he hasn't spent any nights with this woman as she claims yet posters on here will still insist he has or twist it to suit their own beliefs such as "well he could have had sex with her during the day" which is not what this woman has claimed but facts don't cut posters are just determined that they must be right.

You've done the right thing by blocking her and telling her not to contact you. Forget about it and don't let it have any further impact on you and your husband.

froginapond · 01/01/2018 00:48

Just bore off @2018

Puppyduppydoo · 01/01/2018 00:49

Frog you either have a problem understanding basic English or you’ve had too many celebratory drinks. Do me a favour and get the fuck away from this thread. You’re embarrassing yourself.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 01/01/2018 00:49

I had another one (makes me sound quite arrogant) when I was about 22 who was an IT recruiter I used to put through to IT when I was on reception. He looked up my details on a job site and sent me a valentines card to my home address. Creepy.

People definitely do use these sites for things other than professional use. People will also check out their dates on their like they would in any other social media.

froginapond · 01/01/2018 00:51

You've done the right thing by blocking her and telling her not to contact you. Forget about it and don't let it have any further impact on you and your husband

Hopefully it will be this simple.

I said he may not necessarily be shagging her, but he definitely knows her more than he is letting on.

As someone suggested upthread, there may have been something going on, and she threatened to tell you if he didn't leave you, and this is her executing her promise.

froginapond · 01/01/2018 00:52

Definitely hit a raw nerve with the OP.

You sound angry @puppdoodoo Sad

Channel that anger into doing some digging into these claims this woman has made.

CheekyFuckersAreEntertaining · 01/01/2018 00:52

Spot on @RedDogsBeg

It seems that some posters are reading words that the OP hasn't written. She has repeatedly said that her DH does know the woman (albeit on LinkedIn) and that the woman has claimed things that could not be possible. IF he was having an affair and had slept with her, why would the mistress make up fake dates and times for the acts?

Skowvegas · 01/01/2018 00:52

Frog you either have a problem understanding basic English or you’ve had too many celebratory drinks. Do me a favour and get the fuck away from this thread. You’re embarrassing yourself.

I was going to say something similar but you beat me to it.

Jobjobjob · 01/01/2018 00:52

Frog you either have a problem understanding basic English or you’ve had too many celebratory drinks. Do me a favour and get the fuck away from this thread. You’re embarrassing yourself

OP, your NYE was clearly not a time of celebration! I think you need to think about what's actually the truth here, I wish you well in 2018.

gillybeanz · 01/01/2018 00:53

Maybe she is doing it because it's NY and she feels she has reason to.
Maybe looking back on the year, with heightened emotions.
I know lots of people who are over emotional on Christmas.
She could be feeling guilty about something.
no way would I dismiss this and I don't think You should either.

greendale17 · 01/01/2018 00:53

Sorry OP but I agree that your husband knows more about her than he is letting on

froginapond · 01/01/2018 00:53

I am teetotal by the way, so bore off with the 'you are drunk' slurs.

Just coz I am saying what you don't want to hear.

Halebeke425 · 01/01/2018 00:53

Jesus Christ. The only thing naive here is everyone saying a random stranger on the Internet wouldn't lie! We don't even know this person is in fact who they say they are, could be a catfish account. Newsflash - there are some serious weirdos out there who do all kinds of weird stuff for a laugh.

To answer your question op some people are just crazy and get a kick out of this sort of shit, it's just another form of trolling. You've clearly looked into it as much as you need to to prove there's no truth in it, as long as you're sure just forget about it.

Only1scoop · 01/01/2018 00:54

How odd to discuss dog walking with a complete stranger on L I

another20 · 01/01/2018 00:55

Dont listen to the people speculating on this thread - but do pay attention to those that had real life experience of this type of behaviour.

Some have said it was a fruit-bat, random, stalker.

Others have said although they initially thought it was a fruit-bat, random, stalker and they checked everything out or dismissed it at the time - there was affair all along.

So the answer to your Q could be either:

a fruit-bat, random, stalker

or

OW

froginapond · 01/01/2018 00:55

There are a few VERY naive posters on here (including the OP who was clearly worried enough to post about it but is now attacking people saying it sounds suspicious!)

But at least a few posters are seeing sense.

Something is going on. Maybe an affair, maybe she is a bunny boiler, but he knows her more than he is letting on.

MiddleClassProblem · 01/01/2018 00:55

She said he knows the woman but not in person. The woman however is a complete stranger to her. It’s all in the OP.

MiddleClassProblem · 01/01/2018 00:57

Only1scoop apologies for the late reply I was walking the dog or yes I know that area, I went for a lovely dog walk in the hills etc

TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom · 01/01/2018 00:59

Is Frog the woman in question?? Why are you so convinced you know what's going on here if the OP doesn't?

AliCat36 · 01/01/2018 01:00

@puppyduppydoo Please stop reading these replies & maybe even ask for the thread to be removed. It's not worth getting wound up by some of the replies. I think you posted in amazement at the woman making this allegation & it's just gone a bit mad on here since then! You know your husband, you know why the woman is making it up & you know there's no truth in it. Switch off mn for the night. Go & have a cuppa or a glass of something with dh to calm down.

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 01/01/2018 01:00

So you post on a public forum then get pissed at the people who disagree with you?
Everyone's entitled to their own opinion and mine would be your husband is up to no good

Xihha · 01/01/2018 01:03

If you are sure it can't be true then I'd go with its because she wants to be with him, or rather the person actually sending the messages does.

I know a guy whose wife got very similar messages, went on for quite a while, very nearly split them up until eventually the person sending the messages let slip a fake detail that only they would have known and it came out that the messages were from a fake account, the woman sending them had being using another name in the hope of splitting them up so then she could swoop in and pick up the pieces, making him fall madly in love with her. which is fucking weird but there are a lot of weirdos in the world.