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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why would anyone do this?

450 replies

Puppyduppydoo · 31/12/2017 22:41

Name changed for this thread.

I’ve just had FB message from a complete stranger who maintains she has been having an affair with my husband. She hasn’t, the message was full of totally incorrect details including dates and times when I know he was with me.

They had connected on linked-in but have never met. Why would somebody do this, particularly on NYE?

OP posts:
IfNot · 01/01/2018 11:59

Someone once rang me and screamed at me for having an affair with her boyfriend. I hadn't even heard of him ( and had been totally single for two years!).
I have people I know professionally (some are even the opposite sex!) who I am friendly with/ might chat to ( I run a business). It's really not that suspicious.
Obviously he might be a cheating scumbag, but there really are some nutters out there, so just because this woman is accusing, doesn't mean there is anything to it at all.

PurpleMinionMummy · 01/01/2018 12:01

What's someone going to do with your mobile number? Mobile numbers are easy to get hold of without going to the effort of making up affairs. No one would know my birthday from fb anyway Grin

CremeFresh · 01/01/2018 12:04

You only have to Google trolls that have been prosecuted to see the lengths some people will go to in order to upset complete strangers .

Lorddenning1 · 01/01/2018 12:04

If it was me I would ask for proof and then if they came back with shite, I would block her and move on with my life. She sounds a bit messed up and weird though

RedDogsBeg · 01/01/2018 12:06

Why should the OP be suspicious? A woman completely unknown to her has told a pack of lies about spending nights with her husband, the OP can prove these are lies but she should still believe this unknown woman over her husband, what a load of rubbish.

Pre internet days it would be phone calls or anonymous letters, some people just like to make up lies and cause problems, it is not unusual. There are threads upon threads on here of people making stuff up, some of it insignificant some of it downright cruel.

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 12:12

purple it is one of the key details identity thieves and phishers look for. Have you not seen the ad on telly where someone works out someone's birthday from posts on Facebook??

They are also quite skilful at finding out mother's maiden name and middle names by craftily posed questions or incorrect assertions.

RedDogsBeg · 01/01/2018 12:15

RavenLG exactly.

rainbowduck · 01/01/2018 12:16

Sorry you have been getting such a hard time on here.

I don't know why people do crazy stuff like that, some people seem to thrive off drama.

I much prefer the quiet life and to stay well clear.
You've blocked her, hopefully your husband has too. I wouldn't give it another moments thought, otherwise you are giving in to the drama she is trying to create.

There's nowt so queer as folk, eh?

PurpleMinionMummy · 01/01/2018 12:19

No, I don't watch much tv. But I don't allow random people access to my personal details or fb either.

There is no way you will convince me this woman is a scammer. It's even less likely than her being a crazy loon or shagging him. And as OP doesn't care who or what her dh speaks about with random people, there's probably not much point telling her that either.

Rainbowmother · 01/01/2018 12:23

Someone did this to my DH when he was in his first marriage.

It was someone he had dated as a teenager. Twenty years later she contacts his then wife and says they'd been having an affair.

None of her claims made any sense and his ex told her to piss off. She then started emailing his work and then letters. Think she was having a breakdown. He's still gobsmacked by the whole thing if you bring it up.

bananasaregood · 01/01/2018 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 01/01/2018 12:29

Jesus, some people have too much time on their hands and over active imaginations. Some of the theories being put forward are batshit Hmm

WinnieFosterTether · 01/01/2018 12:30

You asked why someone would do it and the most obvious reason someone would do it is because they're telling the truth.
You're convinced that's not the case so the next reason would be that your DH has upset them in some way.
NYE seems an odd time to pick a random LI connection, track down his DW on fb and send details of an affair.
I have contacts on LI that I haven't met in RL.They're based in different countries. Sometimes we'd chat about our homes, lives, etc, in our LI networking group. I don't find that odd.
But what she has done is odd and I would be asking my DH why he thought she'd targeted him.

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 12:31

The point being purple that the OP hasn't given out her details!

It's like how I can't believe that elderly people fall for door to door scammers - but they do, or that anyone ever says ' yes my PC is broken ' when someone phones up and tells the it is. Or that a woman would 'marry' an Egyptian man and then bring a load of tablets illegally into the country. But she did.

People prey on people all the time.

LuluJakey1 · 01/01/2018 12:32

DH once got emails saying I had slept with someone else.
We had no idea who it was although they clearly knew me. Sent DH details - which were rubbish. We had been on honeymoon in France for nearly 7 weeks when it was supposed to be happening.

I then got two very strange, almost unhinged sounding emails from someone I once worked with- ranting about a job he had applied for that he did not get. He sounded drunk, half of the stuff was gibberish, was giving me instructions about what he wanted me to do in the future and was threatening me with legal action because it was my fault he did not get the job apparently. I had had nothing to do with him for about 4yrs, no idea where he was or what he was doing. There was an odd phrase in the emails that coincided exactly with the messages sent to DH.

The messages to DH were clearly from him- he had been sacked from his job as a teacher for making sexual advances and touching teenage girls. He blamed me because I was the person the girls told and I reported it. Everything about me in the emails, he would have known.

We contemplated telling the police but decided not to. DH emailed him and told him if he ever contacted either of us again, for any reason, we would go to the police. We have never heard anything from him again. He has since been charged and found guilty on a further similar charge to the one he lost his job for, involving his teenage daughter's friends.

There are nutters out there.

Jaxhog · 01/01/2018 12:35

Wow! I don't which is worse, the weirdo woman or some of the posters here!

I've had a couple of stalkers over the years and they can be pretty disturbing. They make all sorts of things up and (these days) get all sorts of info about you. They are deluded however and are prodigious liars. I think you have 2 choices:

  1. You and DH block her on all platforms
  2. If this doesn't work, report her to the police. They won't do anything other than warn her, but this is usually enough

Good Luck.

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 12:37

I had a scammer last week claiming to be FBI!!

EvelynDoll · 01/01/2018 12:48

Well, you say you don’t police what your DH is doing online and that’s fine, but talking to strangers on LinkedIn is exactly why you got drama.

PurpleMinionMummy · 01/01/2018 12:55

The point being purple that the OP hasn't given out her details

I don't know what your point is tbh. That it must be a scam to get details? I doubt it, but you're entitled to believe it is if you wish.

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 12:58

Just as you are entitled to believe the DH is having an affair when he cannot possibly have been.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 01/01/2018 13:08

I don’t know why the OP is getting such a hard time... she knows her DH and if she 100% doesn’t think there’s any truth in this, then there isn’t.

Who knows why people do things like this, but she’s not the first one to do it and won’t be the last!

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 13:09

By the way OP, did you look at the woman's Facebook profile at all? You can usually spot a fake Facebook profile fairly easily. What is her profile pic like?

Original poster
Puppyduppydoo · 01/01/2018 13:10

Well, you say you don’t police what your DH is doing online and that’s fine, but talking to strangers on LinkedIn is exactly why you got drama.

I’ve heard it all now.

OP posts:
Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 13:10

Old MN thread where everyone seemed to understand very quickly that this was a scam:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2530666-Has-anyone-else-had-a-weird-facebook-message-from-an-unknown-person?pg=6

ThisNameIsJustForChristmas · 01/01/2018 13:12

I shouldn’t have posted on here.

Unfortunately that does seem to be the case OP.

Personally I feel sorry for the women who would automatically believe these sorts of accusations (AND their husbands). If I got a message along those lines I'd probably laugh my head off....my DH WOULD get angry at the person who sent the message and so would I if the situation was reversed.

Only YOU know your DH and I don't think there is anything wrong with having faith in him. I hope we aren't both wrong but it sounds like you got a message from a weirdo!

I'm not one of those mumsnetters that seems to think 99% of men are basically cheating bastards that can't keep it in their trousers. In fact the only marriages I personally know of that broke down due to infidelity were where the WIFE had cheated leaving two devastated husbands....

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