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Original poster

Why would anyone do this?

450 replies

Puppyduppydoo · 31/12/2017 22:41

Name changed for this thread.

I’ve just had FB message from a complete stranger who maintains she has been having an affair with my husband. She hasn’t, the message was full of totally incorrect details including dates and times when I know he was with me.

They had connected on linked-in but have never met. Why would somebody do this, particularly on NYE?

OP posts:
OldPony · 01/01/2018 11:22

A woman FB messaged me regarding my then DP. Everything she said turned out to be true, as crazy as it all sounded. He wasn't having an affair but she was his ex whom he left for me (I did not know this), and he aphad a VERY shady past.

Sorry OP, I'd be digging if I were you.

PurpleMinionMummy · 01/01/2018 11:23

And one of the reasons why is there could be a grain of truth in it. You can't expect a bunch of random people to have the same view of your dh that you do, we don't know him. Most women fully believe their dp would never cheat on them, they wouldn't be with them otherwise. A lot have also learnt they were very wrong. Even the most apparently wonderful, caring, committed men have had affairs and shocked everyone who knows them by doing so. Telling you to be careful,wary, dig a bit deeper is just people's way of looking out for you.

Expecting us to label this woman as crazy or whatever when we don't know her is the same as labelling your dh a cheater when we don't know him either. You can't say one is fine and the other isn't just because you don't like one of the opinions.

Jobjobjob · 01/01/2018 11:25

OP your title is why would anyone....

The response is because yourOH has had a relationship with them!

Don't ask if you don't want a response!

Bluntness100 · 01/01/2018 11:28

I asked why someone would contact me with a story which is a blatant lie

But surely you can understand that some of the answers to that question will naturally be "because he's maybe cheating* yes some of it is clearly made up, but potentially not all of it and there may be some truth in what she says.

Some of the answers to the question why she did it will always be "because he's cheating and she's made up some more details to make it look like a bigger affair than it is". The others will say "because she's clearly mentally unwell"

Personally I don't know. However as per my first post, I do find the whole thing strange, both from his behavuour as well as hers .

HopingForSomeSnow · 01/01/2018 11:34

Maybe she has contacted the wrong person by mistake?

MuseumOfCurry · 01/01/2018 11:34

OP, all I would suggest is that you consider the odds of someone contacting you out of the blue to say such a thing.

It is really odd.

And of course you don't own your husband, and of course you could have a conversation about your dog with someone you don't know on LinkedIn, but it is a weird thing to do.

How many exchanges must it have taken for her to learn that your husband has a dog?

Two weird things happening to the same person. Just consider it.

Halebeke425 · 01/01/2018 11:37

Apparently online scamming is a massive problem at the moment and the government has launched a campaign to help make people aware of these phishiing scams. I used to think 'who on earth falls for these things ' though having read this thread, I can see that believing random strangers on the Internet are who they say they are and what they tell you must be true seems to be a popular position Confused

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 01/01/2018 11:38

Why was he talking to her in the first place? You keep answering all these questions with "he is free to talk to who he likes" but if it isn't a work connection aren't you a bit pissed off anyway?!

CremeFresh · 01/01/2018 11:39

It could be kids mucking about . MN often get the school holiday threads from obvious trolls/ kids.

debbs77 · 01/01/2018 11:39

Has anything more been discussed between you and your husband?

PurpleMinionMummy · 01/01/2018 11:41

I haven't heard of any online scams where they regularly message people telling them their partner is having an affair. Must one a new one! So what do all these online scammers gain from that then?

MuseumOfCurry · 01/01/2018 11:42

Apparently online scamming is a massive problem at the moment and the government has launched a campaign to help make people aware of these phishiing scams. I used to think 'who on earth falls for these things ' though having read this thread, I can see that believing random strangers on the Internet are who they say they are and what they tell you must be true seems to be a popular position

Yes, there was quite a lot of fraud in particular around the time when the pension rules were changed and you could take it in a lump sum.

I get about a hundred such emails daily, some variation on trying to get my bank details or similar.

I've never received one about my husband's LinkedIn account, though.

MuseumOfCurry · 01/01/2018 11:43

It could be kids mucking about . MN often get the school holiday threads from obvious trolls/ kids.

But why would the OP's husband entertain such an exchange?

To the point where he'd mention a dog?

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 11:44

Just got back in so this is to ILove - she is only a real person, insofar as the DH is linked with her on LinkedIn. Are people really this naïve to not understand proper trolling?

There is MN trolling and there is FB trolling and all sorts of social media trolling. People do realise other people create feasible avatar selves in order to do this kind of thing, right?

That is a way more likely explanation given the huge holes in the stories form the alleged OW.

BedtimeTea · 01/01/2018 11:45

It sounds like she may be delutional, obsessed with your husband maybe? A mentally ill woman scorned scenerio, based on her looking you up on facebook, then when she saw happy family pictures and she was filled with jealous rage. Why would she be going around contacting random strangers on the internet, first your dh, then you. The reason I thought she is delusional is if she was just a trouble maker, she would probably have better lies. Not give dates ect. I would Google her to try and get a grasp on her.

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 11:46

Because he didn't realise it was a troll museum ??

Just like on MN it can take several pages before one slips up. I know he is a grown man but he was being groomed for information. tbh I can see my DH being just as stupid .

Oblomov18 · 01/01/2018 11:48

Well. For starters I suggest he immediately deletes her from linked in. And has no more personal discussions on a work related website.

MuseumOfCurry · 01/01/2018 11:48

Because he didn't realise it was a troll museum ??

If he's gullible, has a lot of free time, and enjoys talking shit with strangers than that may be true. I guess only the OP knows if this fits her husband's description.

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 11:49

OK - so to be clear, these scammers will tell lies and enrage pole, who will then let slip details as proof, usually giving out a phone number so that said OW can 'contact them'. They the have full name, age from FB and birthday and then a mobile number...

Honestly, it happens all the time.

E safety is not just for children!

AnnetteCurtains · 01/01/2018 11:49

I think I'd trust my husband over the word of a stranger
Glad you've blocked her
Forget about them now

Idontevencareanymore · 01/01/2018 11:50

Op have you managed to get a good look at her fb page? Sometimes people (trolls) hack random ones and like to play with people. Why, I've no idea!

I'd certainly have strung her along for a while. I've had friends it's happened to, declaration of affair for 6 months (always 6 months) and details that just couldn't be true. But the messenger always ml knew just enough to put that idea in the head.

And to all these saying no smoke without fire, not always. I was once subject to a rumour that I was shagging my best friends fella. The most contact we ever had was being left in a room together......
The fact I had to somehow prove I was innocent was hurtful and humiliating. But of course my "anger" made me look guilty.

Piggywaspushed · 01/01/2018 11:52

Yes museum it's a description of many people!
Why does he have to have a lot of free time??
This person will have engaged lots of people in chit chat on various sites and struck lucky with the DH and no doubt some others - male and female.

They would be hopeful to fid someone with a rocky enough marriage to be sucked in. Fortunately they don't seem to have succeeded with OP.

RavenLG · 01/01/2018 11:52

OP, I think this thread has answered your question. As displayed by half the people on this thread, people are fucking insane.

I once had a friend request from a bloke on Facebook, couldn’t place the name or face so messaged him to ask if I knew him. He replayed saying no, he just wanted to add me as a friend. I ignored both the message and the friend request as I don’t have people I don’t know on my Facebook. A few weeks later, I get a message from a charming woman, basicslly saying I should be ashamed for messaging other people’s boyfriends, I’m a dirty little slag, I’ve been asking him for threesomes. It was literally the most batshit thing I’ve read barring frogs posts on this thread but it was all completely bullshit and made up. I didn’t even know who she was talking about at first (you know, I message so many people asking for threesomes it’s hard to keep track) but after some digging on her profile I worked it out. She was clearly insane.

OP you have full faith and trust in your husband, and some crazy tart on SM isn’t going to change that.

CremeFresh · 01/01/2018 11:54

He may have had a legitimate exchange with this woman in the past and then last night her kids decide to muck about on her computer and send this message. A long shot maybe but weirder shit happens !

TheFuckitBuckit · 01/01/2018 11:58

I don't know why your a getting such a hard time puppy.

I certainly have come across people who wouldn't hesitate to make up lies to cause shit in other people's relationships. Usually, but not always jealousy. Others just for the sake of being nasty fuckers.
There are many reasons why someone would do this so without confronting her then you can only guess.

So many here are quick to call an affair and say your Dh is lying, yet the only detail she got correct is that you have a dog.

You know what you have been told cannot possibly be true, you trust your Dh and he has every right to be angry. I would be too if someone had made false allegations against me

But like someone said upthread I think it is possible that this was sent from this ladies spouse/partner hoping to gain proof that she is cheating. Horrible for your but it does happen.

But I would have, as others also suggested played along with whoever it is to see what they say and hopefully back themselves into a corner and you will have your reasons why.

But as you have blocked her now and don't want to respond you probably won't ever know why. So best thing to do upsetting as it is, try to move on and forget about it.