Is my friend over tidy or am I a MF (messy fucker)?

[holdthepressitsmummers]

NC for this just in case.

So we have a ds who's 4. Friends have ds 4 and ds 2.5. We all hang out together a lot.

Friend is always super tidy. Kids have very few toys (fine btw, ds has too much and I'm in the process of paring down) and they are organised impeccably. (I also like to keep ds's toys very organised, not a problem.)

But when we go to play, even if there are other kids there too, only one toy is allowed to be out at once. If the kids want to get another toy out they all need to put the toy that's put away first. I agree with this to an extent. If ds tips a bunch of stuff out or get his marble maze out or whatever he's not just allowed to tear through toys until everything is out.

If they ever ask to get puzzles or duplo etc out they get told it just for special times and is too much mess.

It puts me on edge the whole bloody time because she stomps around morning about how things aren't in their right place.

Last time we were there she told dh off for eating take away on the sofa (they have open plan living room kitchen diner thing.) Dh was really embarrassed and annoyed. He's an adult he doesn't tend to spill his food. (Unless drunk .)

I was saying how ds got a load of Lego fro Christmas and she said 'oh we'll never be letting the kids get Lego, it's way too much mess to tidy up.'

She also won't let them do any painting or arts and crafts at home apart from pencil drawing. Because 'my furniture is too nice for stuff like that.' Obviously I'd love to ban painting and such too as it is a massive sodding mess but they need to do stuff like this no?

Is this how most people do things? I thought I was pretty uptight about tidiness and cleanliness as I've suffer from OCD and anxiety at times and have battled to lighten up on the mess ds and dh make and see them as normal life rather than getting me in to a downwards spiral of organising and cleaning.

I'll make ds clean up a little as he goes along in the day and tidy toys away at the end. Have I let go too much?!

Nope. DD is now 7 and we’ve started renovating the house. She’s had the freedom to glitter and glue and paint and draw and make mess (and don’t the carpets know it!).

My (childfree) sister has OCD and we were there for Xmas. You could see the stress for both DSis and DD. Not a way I’d want to live.

She sounds a bit crazy. Lego, painting and colouring are all part of childhood. Mess is fine, it’s easily cleared up. We have a rule we pick up toys before meals/leaving the house/bed. Once they’re packed away the house is back to normality. I’d say all my friends work this way too.

Mostly I agree with her. Your bloke should assume that he’s fine to eat takeaway on the sofa no matter how tidy he is and there something really irritating about visiting kids who pull everything out toy wise. One toy at a time is fine.

She does sound as if she’s edging to the extreme tidy thing so won’t relax when people are there. Maybe save her the anxiety and meet her somewhere else?

*shouldnt assume

If it's just my kids then I do make them tidy up some things before they get more out as I want them to learn to tidy up after themselves, but they generally have three or four things out at a time. When there's a playdate though it does tend to be a bit of a free for all, it makes me feel uncomfortable but I want to make sure my friends kids have fun.

I'm very uptight about tidiness but I've had to learn to relax more about it all. My kids do arts and crafts and I've struggled with the paint on the chairs etc but I'm trying my best to ensure my neurosis doesn't affect them. I do feel sorry for your friend's children.

As for Lego, that's been banished to my son's room, mainly because he has over 50 sets and it would take over the house!

I think she sounds awful rather than tidy. I have a tidy house simply because it helps me feel in control. But the DCs have a 'creation station' in the dining room and cover the place in paint, glitter, glue, playdoh and whatever else they can find. Because my need for a tidy home doesn't trump their need to play and be children. They have lego, playmobil, all sorts of tat around the place and I don't have any sort of rules about 'one toy at a time'.

I think perhaps just meet at neutral places or let the friendship slide for a while because it sounds like bloody hard work.

She sounds overly concerned about tidyness and like she dislikes hosting.

Your H was U over the takeaway on the sofa though.

Oh gosh life is too short to be that fussy. .I also don't understand too much the idea of restricting types of toys.
But if it's making the person happy then I guess it's their choice

It is their choice but I can see how anxious her kids get if a kid gets another toy out and it makes me feel a little sad.

My Mother has OCD and who can say but it may possibly be why I do too. I would HATE to pass his on to ds, it's a fucking miserable way to live when it takes hold of you.

I love the creation station idea!

I’ll admit that our house is on the messy side, so I may be biased, but your friends attitude sounds OTT.

Children creating some amount of mess when playing is normal. Doing arts and crafts is fun (for the children at least) and good for children’s development.
Tidying up at the end of the day, or at set points like before mealtimes sounds fine to me.

I feel very sorry for children who grow up like this.The alternative to playing with a friend is that they just sit on the sofa next to their peers, watching tv. No mess to clear up, but also no creativity, no imagination, no interaction.

I'm a messy person and I think she sounds OTT but in her house it's her rules. Your DH was wrong to be annoyed about the take away - he can eat on his own sofa if he wants but not someone else's if they don't like it!

I think one toy at a time sounds awfully stifling, I let my dc have whatever they wanted out, life's too short for stressing about how many toys are out.

Your dh was rude though not to check where he should sit with his food, a child could easily have knocked his plate and stained the furniture

I agree that visiting kids pulling every toy out is annoying but I think at toddler age it's very much a developmental thing in a new place.

I do grit my teeth when it happens at mine though. Knowing it'll take bloody hours to reorganise.

Ds has one friend though who literally comes over and empties EVERY bookshelf, toy box, Lego box, puzzle box, toy kitchen- he rages around and empties everything. Drives me fucking nuts. His Mum is very much of the 'let your child lead as he's a male' ethos. If I ask if she wants to meet up she'll ask him. And ask him where he wants to go. She literally lets him do whatever he likes, eat whatever he likes, watch tv whenever he likes. Needless to say ds LOVES going to their house but I've cooled off considerably!

holdthepress it's a brightly coloured tower of drawers from Hobbycraft, I think around £30, best thing we've ever bought because everything just gets chucked inside when they're finished rather than having sticks of glue and pots of playdoh everywhere. I'm a bit weird and used my label maker to make each drawer a label telling the DCs what goes where (DH says it proves I'm obsessive about tidiness!).

www.hobbycraft.co.uk/really-useful-11-drawer-rainbow-storage-tower/572895-1000

I dont like mess but thats no way to live with children. My house is messy during the day but has to be tidy before i relax in the evenings. I have a family member with twins and her house is like that. No clutter minimum of everything. Her children are still babies i don't know what she will be like when they'rer older.

They're

I'm with her on the paint and crafts. My DC did plenty of that at their CM and then at school, I couldn't be doing with the mess. One of them got play doh as a birthday present one year. That was played with only in the garden...

I also wouldn't eat food in someone else's house other than where they'd told me. I've just redecorated my living room and it is now a food free zone. Woe betide anyone I catch eating in there!

My DC never had the 1 toy rule and we had loads of Lego. The only toy rule we did have was tidy up time once they finished playing everything went back in their toyboxes.

Will tell dh he was being unreasonable.

Dh bought me a labeliser. I bloody love it.

Takeaway on sofa...no.

I'm a bit strict with DD"s friends as I've had too many of them get multiple things out and then walk off and leave them...minutes later they walk back in and stand on the bits and break them.

Or I'll come in and find some child has tipped two boxes of stuff out and then wandered off to draw.

It's rude and there needs to be clear rules.

The Lego part is extreme.

She can get trays to put it on.

When my mates and their kids come round my house ends up being a complete bomb site with toys absolutely everywhere. But the kids have fun and we can relax. Easier to just do one big tidy when they have gone home!

Sorry takeaway on sofa for me is a huge no no - grease stains are hard to remove and sofas are expensive.

Re her kids she sounds overbearing and should make an appropriate area for them to have fun