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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset with my friend's treatment of my dogs?

142 replies

SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:24

Months ago, my friend and I agreed that she would look after my two dogs while we went to the UK for a month.

I was very clear that this involved house-sitting, or at least staying with them overnight (I had no expectations that she would be here all day), and I left her several pages of comprehensive notes re their care and what she should do with them if she was going to be home late.

In addition, she was left the contacts of two family friends who were more than willing to step in if she was too busy/could no longer care for them.

We returned yesterday to find our house in virtually the state it was left in. The bed sheets had been turned down/pillows readjusted, but the sheets either hadn't been slept in or had been washed and replaced. The only towels in the washing were the ones left there before we left, and no towels had been moved from the drying racks that were there when we left. No food in the house had been touched etc.

We paid her $500 to look after them. Food had already been bought, cooked/prepared and frozen in dated containers so that she didn't have to faff about with that.

Our neighbours told us that they had to come down several times to look in on the dogs because they were barking and crying, and that it appeared that no one was there.

On taking DBeagle to the vet today, we found that he has lost 2kg in the month that we were away, which leads me to believe that they either weren't being fed correctly or were stressed to the point of weight loss.

I'm incredibly upset about this, as my friend knew that they had never been left overnight before and knew that I was anxious about leaving them/feeling guilty. Now I feel crushed about it. I feel so guilt-ridden that they've been effectively left on their own for a month.

I don't know what, if anything, to say to my friend.

AIBU to be so upset about this that I'm not sure I can continue our friendship as it was (dating back to high school!)?

OP posts:
twiney · 30/12/2017 09:29

I would be fucking furious.

However I feel you were irresponsible in three ways:

  1. Your dogs had never been left even overnight, and the first time you leave them, you do so for a month. Thats not good.

  2. You didnt trial run your friend before giving them a full months responsibility. You should have got them in for a weekend, then a week, before doing a full month away.

  3. You didnt give a second friend or neighbour a set of keys and ask them to double check after a fortnight or something.

I dont have dogs but I do have cats I dote on. Even my cats I would worry about leaving for a full month.

Next time you should go away for less time, put them in fancy kennels, use a friend who is a hardcore animal lover, or give them to a friend in their own home.

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:30

twiney I accept that I was irresponsible in those ways.

We won't be going away again. When we do, it'll be domestically and the dogs will be coming with us as they have in the past.

OP posts:
Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:31

And she is a hardcore animal lover (has 6 horses, three dogs and a cat herself) and has house/pet sat for people before. This is why I asked her if she was able to/willing to do it. If I'd had any doubts, I'd never have asked.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/12/2017 09:32

I’d be very angry too. I think the friendship is over so I’d definitely confront her and suggest she should repay the money.

twiney · 30/12/2017 09:34

@SuperBeagle

Good call. OR take the time and cough up to find "the" ultimate dog sitter, you know what I mean? There will be one near you, someone who's absolutely dog mad and will pamper the hell out of them.

But really, yeah I would be so angry with your friend. Did you really ram the point home about how important it is for dogs to be involved in human life, how much they need company?

When you get someone to look after your pets don't be worried about sounding needy or naggy. My cat lady sitter must have initially thought I was massively needy the first time I left them because I really rammed the point home about doors and being careful so they wouldnt run out into the main road, etc. I felt awkward but at the same time, a year on, shes always uber careful.

Anyway - bet your dogs were overjoyed to see you!

I would be dumping this friend. Its a massive betrayal of trust.

Failingat40 · 30/12/2017 09:35

YANBU Those poor dogs!

In future use a licensed home boarding service or a proper pet sitter.

You could also have set up a dog cam or something to monitor them before you left.

Ask her what her typical day was as it would appear you both had differing thoughts on what was to be happening.

twiney · 30/12/2017 09:36

@SuperBeagle
OK just saw shes an animal lover. Shes a dick. Dump her. Speak to her first though. Were you paying her? If you expected her to sleep at yours every night then how was she supposed to look after her own animals?

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:37

twiney Yes, she was paid in advance.

I didn't expect her to be here during the day. Just to feed and walk them, then be here overnight. She lives on her parents' property and the care of her animals is shared, but I know she has horse-related responsibilities which shouldn't have conflicted with her ability to stay here (5 minutes from her house).

OP posts:
twiney · 30/12/2017 09:41

Well then thats really not right at all.

How are the dogs now?

MammaAgata · 30/12/2017 09:43

Dump the friend obviously. What I don’t understand though is why this came as a surprise when you got back? Was there no updates/pics/stories etc via WhatsApp etc whilst you were away? I went away for 1 week, back for 2 days then away 2 weeks at the beginning of the year and friends house sat looking after my dog. I had virtual daily updates, pictures of walks, pictures of my dog asleep on sofa etc. My dog got kennel cough whilst I was away and I knew something was up because I hadn’t heard anything (my friend didn’t want to stress me out) for a day. You just have a sixth sense about these things. What I don’t understand is how you didn’t get a feel for something not being right at home to be honest..

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:43

twiney They're okay. The border collie is fine, and has been as happy as usual. But the beagle is still a bit miffed with us. I expected he would be, as he's that way if you walk to the end of the driveway without him, but I can't help but feel so guilty about it. His weight loss was immediately evident when we walked in the door (to be fair, he's solid but we'd had him lose weight and then it had stabilised), which was an instant alarm bell.

OP posts:
Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:45

Mamma No, I got updates. She sent loads of videos/photos of them on walks/getting fed, so I assumed she was staying at the house.

It's just clear now that she was only here to feed and walk them, which is clearly why they appeared so happy in videos/photos. She was only turning up for those moments and sending those pics.

OP posts:
twiney · 30/12/2017 09:45

:-(

Poor thing.

Just to let you know as PP said, my cat lady sends me videos and pics and a little update every day. I think thats the norm.

twiney · 30/12/2017 09:46

Oh OK just saw your update

CoraPirbright · 30/12/2017 09:47

Sounds like she has just pocketed your cash and done the bare minimum. Shocking when she purports to be an animal lover and has 3 dogs herself!

As twiney says, it is a massive betrayal of trust. I would be confronting her and ending the friendship.

midnightmisssuki · 30/12/2017 09:47

I would ask her what happened. Ask her outright. I would be livid. Poor dogs!!

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:50

I have sent her a message, so will update if she replies to it.

I just said that the neighbours said that the dogs had been barking/crying and that it looked as though no one was here.

The beagle at the moment:

To be upset with my friend's treatment of my dogs?
OP posts:
NovemberWitch · 30/12/2017 09:51

Did she understand that you expected her to sleep at your house every night for a month?

UnRavellingFast · 30/12/2017 09:51

Go and speak to her in front of her parents if she lives in their property. They can’t all lie and my guess is one or both parents will look shifty or tell the truth. Unless they’re all as brass necked as each other.

I would forget the money as it muddies the water and will top the list in her retelling amongst shared friends.

Then ghost her entirely with no further discussion and let her stew.

Follow twineys suggestions for future care. I would never forgive this. The dogs’ health has been seriously risked as has their mental health.

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:53

November Yes, this had been discussed for months, and it was abundantly clear in the notes I left for her.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 30/12/2017 09:54

I would be furious.

Hindsight is a great thing and obviously you would do it differently if you know what you know now, but try not to feel guilty about your dogs. They have survived, will have forgotten about it now, and it won’t happen again.

MammaAgata · 30/12/2017 09:55

Well, I’d be fucking furious and would make my feelings very clear. I’m not sure what else you can do to be honest. I must admit after our 3 week trip we have vowed never to go away again and leave our dog. She was very very well cared for by friends I have known for nearly 30 years and who I trusted (and still do) implicitly but it’s just too much of a worry for us. I’ve always had horses and it’s pretty much guaranteed the moment I go on holiday something happens to them, in one case fatally.

maras2 · 30/12/2017 09:57

Have you spoken to her yet?

hesterton · 30/12/2017 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldPony · 30/12/2017 09:57

Who was going to look after her dogs every night for a month? I don't get it.
How can someone with 6 horses and 3 dogs have the capacity to stay at your house for a month? Didn't you discuss that?

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