Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with my friend's treatment of my dogs?

142 replies

SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:24

Months ago, my friend and I agreed that she would look after my two dogs while we went to the UK for a month.

I was very clear that this involved house-sitting, or at least staying with them overnight (I had no expectations that she would be here all day), and I left her several pages of comprehensive notes re their care and what she should do with them if she was going to be home late.

In addition, she was left the contacts of two family friends who were more than willing to step in if she was too busy/could no longer care for them.

We returned yesterday to find our house in virtually the state it was left in. The bed sheets had been turned down/pillows readjusted, but the sheets either hadn't been slept in or had been washed and replaced. The only towels in the washing were the ones left there before we left, and no towels had been moved from the drying racks that were there when we left. No food in the house had been touched etc.

We paid her $500 to look after them. Food had already been bought, cooked/prepared and frozen in dated containers so that she didn't have to faff about with that.

Our neighbours told us that they had to come down several times to look in on the dogs because they were barking and crying, and that it appeared that no one was there.

On taking DBeagle to the vet today, we found that he has lost 2kg in the month that we were away, which leads me to believe that they either weren't being fed correctly or were stressed to the point of weight loss.

I'm incredibly upset about this, as my friend knew that they had never been left overnight before and knew that I was anxious about leaving them/feeling guilty. Now I feel crushed about it. I feel so guilt-ridden that they've been effectively left on their own for a month.

I don't know what, if anything, to say to my friend.

AIBU to be so upset about this that I'm not sure I can continue our friendship as it was (dating back to high school!)?

OP posts:
mustbemad17 · 30/12/2017 09:58

Kill her & bury her under the patio!!

Honestly, if that was me i'd be flipping out. I once had someone in to mind my degu (way less requirements than a dog) for four days & she didn't bother, at all. I went batshit because he had no water left. She had offered to mind him too!!

If she has dogs she must surely understand their needs?? Poor pooches, lots of love bombing!!

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:58

maras2 No. She flew to another state today for a few nights, so haven't spoken properly with her. I have sent her a message, but haven't yet received a response.

Mamma That's how I feel now too. I'm so sorry about your horse.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 30/12/2017 09:58

$500 for a month's live in care sounds incredibly low, is that the norm where you live?

minicheddars90 · 30/12/2017 09:59

The payment doesn't seem enough to expect someone to sleep in your house every night for a month? A professional service would cost much more than this.

Also was she expected just to walk and feed them once a day and then be there in the evenings? And the dogs to be on their own the rest of the time?

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 10:01

$500 for a month's live in care sounds incredibly low, is that the norm where you live?

She wasn't expected to be here 24/7, and had very little to actively do for them, as I had pre-prepared all of their food. She literally had to put it in bowls, top up their water and walk them.

But perhaps it was too low. I still don't think that that justifies her treatment of them though. She could have spoken to me about the money...

OP posts:
Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 10:02

Also was she expected just to walk and feed them once a day and then be there in the evenings? And the dogs to be on their own the rest of the time?

Yes. The dogs are here on their own most days and are used to that. DH and I both work. There was no expectation for her to do more for them than we do.

OP posts:
Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 10:03

Dogs are fed twice daily, walked once (twice on weekends, but this is not an important point).

OP posts:
Sisinisawa · 30/12/2017 10:05

You've said she fed and walked them. The only thing she didn't do was stay overnight. Why would she need to?

I don't think she's done much wrong.

The dogs were likely stressed because you left them for a month not because she didn't sleep in the house. She has cared for them but clearly they are very needy and shouldn't have been left for so long by you.

MammaAgata · 30/12/2017 10:06

Also, re cost I paid my friend £25 per day which was about 1/2 the price of a professional house sitter for 1 dog. Where we are you would be charged about £60 per day for 2 dogs which would be £1,800.

OldPony · 30/12/2017 10:06

Who was supposed to look after her dogs for a month?

MammaAgata · 30/12/2017 10:08

But as you said your expectations were not met, that’s the issue, you agreed a plan and paid her but she didn’t do as she agreed. Regardless of whether this cost was too low etc, you both agreed she would stay overnight and she didn’t.

BewareOfDragons · 30/12/2017 10:09

Honestly, I can't believe you thought she'd stay there after your update: she has 6 horses, several dogs and a cat of her own. So you thought she'd spend the night with your animals rather than her own?

That was clearly never going to happen.

LittleCandle · 30/12/2017 10:11

A friend volunteered to have our DDog when we went to the US. We told her about his delicate tummy, that he couldn't be trusted off lead (no recall, as he doesn't see the point - too clever for his own good) and that we didn't want her to train him, as we love him the way he is.

When we got back, he was cowed, his bottom was dirty and raw, he had visibly lost weight and it wasn't fat he had lost it was muscle. they had bought a haltie thing because he is inclined to pull, and thought we should pay for it. They had to hunt for his lead and had misplaced his car harness (but he behaves in the car was the reply to that). I was so angry I could barely speak to her and 4 years on, I still feel the same way. DDog took about 3 weeks to return to being his usual self. Another friend has looked after him since, and will do again next year when we are away and spoils him rotten. I would have words with your 'friend'.

Twoo · 30/12/2017 10:12

I’d be fuming if my dogs had been neglected for a whole month. I’d be worried about their psychological health as well as their physical health. Your friend has been negligent towards your pets and I would definatley have to say my piece.

Being an animal lover and owner my self, I’m actually mad about this on your behalf.

foodfrax · 30/12/2017 10:14

But the friend has other people to look after the animals. Frankly, she agreed to this, she took the money and she neglected the animals! It’s awful. She could have contacted the reserve people, but obviously she just wanted the money.

UnRavellingFast · 30/12/2017 10:15

The carer lives with parents who share her own animals’ care rtft those who are questioning this. Whatever she was paid is irrelevant as she accepted both money and conditions. Your dogs have suffered op and I would be furious in your shoes.

Humpsfor20yards · 30/12/2017 10:16

The op said her friend lives on her parents property and shares care with them.

Obviously friend should not have agreed to do this if she was not prepared to do it. I can't see how anyone can argue that.

Flowers op.

twiney · 30/12/2017 10:20

Btw also when you get someone in to look after your pets, the first few times always give them half the money up front and say you'll pay the other half the day you get back. You can do this to friends too, and you dont have to explain why, just say thats how you're doing it. It creates incentive to do the job properly. Then once you're satisfied the person is trustworthy, the next times you can start just paying in full from the start.

OldPony · 30/12/2017 10:22

I'd be furious too but I can't believe there hasn't been some confusion. Why would anyone agree to spend a month sleeping away from their own partner and animals for a measly £500?

And what was so necessary to leave your dogs for a whole month? I can't believe anyone would do that unless it was a life or death scenario.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 30/12/2017 10:23

I’m astonished at the reprimands you’re getting here OP.

You had an agreement and paid a friend for a service. They obviously haven’t done as agreed.

YANBU to be annoyed. I’m not sure I’d have the nerve to confront her, I’d probably just distance myself and if she asked then tell her you were upset she willingly took your money and then didn’t fulfill her end of the bargain. It’s irrelevant what’s going on with ‘her animals’ because if she thought that was a problem she should have declined the dog sitting gig for OP.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 30/12/2017 10:24

She is NOT an animal lover! Angry I could cry for your dogs and you!

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 10:26

And what was so necessary to leave your dogs for a whole month? I can't believe anyone would do that unless it was a life or death scenario.

Well when you are going to the UK from Australia, it's not worth the time or cost to only go for a week? It's the first time we have ever been out of Aus/NZ.

And for those not reading the thread. Care of her pets is shared. She has no DP/DH or children. And she had two people she knew she could contact if she was unable to fulfil the dogs' needs.

OP posts:
ADishBestEatenCold · 30/12/2017 10:26

"she is a hardcore animal lover (has 6 horses, three dogs and a cat herself) and has house/pet sat for people before"

So who was going to look after her animals, while she was looking after yours? Unless she had full back-up for her own, she was never going to be able to spend 12/24 hours with yours. So wrong call on both your parts.

I think you were completely irresponsible to not only make what sounds like completely inadequate arrangements, but also especially to do nothing to prepare your poor dogs for your month long absence.

Yes, your friend let you down, badly, but it was your call. You went for cut-price dog care, you got it.

Humpsfor20yards · 30/12/2017 10:26

Wow.

do you always struggle with understanding people, old pony, or just in this case?

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 10:27

DH thinks we should let it go and just learn from our mistake. We live in a very remote area and most of my friends have moved away, so she is one of the only ones left here and he thinks I'd be isolating myself by falling out with her. I can see his perspective, but equally I don't see how I can ever feel "right" about her again.

OP posts: