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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with my friend's treatment of my dogs?

142 replies

SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 09:24

Months ago, my friend and I agreed that she would look after my two dogs while we went to the UK for a month.

I was very clear that this involved house-sitting, or at least staying with them overnight (I had no expectations that she would be here all day), and I left her several pages of comprehensive notes re their care and what she should do with them if she was going to be home late.

In addition, she was left the contacts of two family friends who were more than willing to step in if she was too busy/could no longer care for them.

We returned yesterday to find our house in virtually the state it was left in. The bed sheets had been turned down/pillows readjusted, but the sheets either hadn't been slept in or had been washed and replaced. The only towels in the washing were the ones left there before we left, and no towels had been moved from the drying racks that were there when we left. No food in the house had been touched etc.

We paid her $500 to look after them. Food had already been bought, cooked/prepared and frozen in dated containers so that she didn't have to faff about with that.

Our neighbours told us that they had to come down several times to look in on the dogs because they were barking and crying, and that it appeared that no one was there.

On taking DBeagle to the vet today, we found that he has lost 2kg in the month that we were away, which leads me to believe that they either weren't being fed correctly or were stressed to the point of weight loss.

I'm incredibly upset about this, as my friend knew that they had never been left overnight before and knew that I was anxious about leaving them/feeling guilty. Now I feel crushed about it. I feel so guilt-ridden that they've been effectively left on their own for a month.

I don't know what, if anything, to say to my friend.

AIBU to be so upset about this that I'm not sure I can continue our friendship as it was (dating back to high school!)?

OP posts:
harrietsoton · 30/12/2017 10:27

Everything about this is WEIRD

The arrangement sounds ridiculous

ItMadeMyEyesWater · 30/12/2017 10:27

I would be spitting sparks, if I thought my dogs weren't treated maybe not as well as I do, but as close as humanely possible. You paid her to do you a very big favour, and by the sounds of it she didn't. I would at least want to find out, why the weight loss, and why was the beagle so stressed. He looks a lovely little chap.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 30/12/2017 10:28

Is it possible she did stay the night but washed the sheets before you came home and re made the bed?

Appleandcinnamon · 30/12/2017 10:28

I’d have to ask her why she thought it was ok to leave them overnight and then I just couldn’t bring myself to speak to her. I have the ultimate pet sitter she even cleans my bathroom and remakes my beds when she watches them while we go out Grin

twiney · 30/12/2017 10:29

@DianaPrincessOfThemyscira
I agree the blame for failure to do the job is absolutely not OP's fault. An agreement is an agreement, you make it you stick to it.

However 2 things:

  1. When it comes to animals, I would always overpay the sitter. $500 isnt a lot.
  2. As @OldPony hints at, I think when you have dogs you have to wave goodbye to the prospect of holidaying for a month - or at least, not for $500 in pet bills.
Humpsfor20yards · 30/12/2017 10:29

For some reason people are determined to blame you op.

It seems making deals and then deliberately not sticking to them gets a lot of sympathy here.

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 10:30

Is it possible she did stay the night but washed the sheets before you came home and re made the bed?

It is. But this doesn't add up with what the neighbours said about the dogs barking/crying.

OP posts:
diddl · 30/12/2017 10:30

"She literally had to put it in bowls, top up their water and walk them."

But she did that?

What she didn't do was the overnight.

It was wrong of her to not do what she said, I agree-perhaps her parents wouldn't pick up her share of looking after their animals?

Idk, your dogs are really left all day & only walked once a day?

That sounds shit to me tbh.

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 10:31

I accept that I do have to take some of the blame/responsibility here. We will not be traveling without the dogs in the future.

OP posts:
givemesteel · 30/12/2017 10:32

Agree that $500 is very low for what you were expecting, that's about £12 a day for us in the UK, which would barely get you an hours dog walking for 2 dogs, let alone all the other care. (assuming US dollars)

When my friends house sat my cats for 9 days I bought them a present worth £150 as well as a bottle of champagne. And the cats obviously don't require walking etc.

She obviously agreed to do it for that price so she should have followed through, so I agree she is in the wrong. But maybe when the time came she realised the inconvenience of staying over was not worth the money she was paid.

Agree drop the friendship but I don't think you can expect the money back as it's not like she did nothing, she obviously did feed them, walk them (I assume there was no soiling in the house so she must have taken them out every day).

I'm sure the reason why your dog lost 2kg is due to stress rather than there not being food, unless the other dog is dominant and ate his share. But she should have noticed that.

Another tip is to buy a baby video monitor and set it up in the kitchen or wherever is central to your house so you can check on them throughout the day (can get WiFi ones so you can check via phone).

1099 · 30/12/2017 10:33

I don't see that she's neglected them at all, she's fed them walked them (I can't believe you only take a collie out once a day by the way they must be bored stupid) and at this point you have no idea whether she has slept there or not, surely nobody would sleep in the same bedsheets for a month, I'd certainly have changed and washed them at least twice, and would have ensured they were done when I knew you were due back. And as for towels in the wash basket, you went away for a month and left dirty towels in the wash basket!!

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 10:34

give They have a dog door, so are able to get in and outside at all times. And I don't want the money back.

OP posts:
QueenAmongstMen · 30/12/2017 10:34

TBH I think you expected too much and your friend probably didn't realise what a big commitment she was agreeing to. To expect someone to spend every night at your house when they have responsibilities to their pets at home is a bit much.

If you want that kind of level of care you should pay someone professional.

I hope your dogs are ok Flowers

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 10:35

(I can't believe you only take a collie out once a day by the way they must be bored stupid)

We live on acreage. We take him for a walk as an addition to the space he has 24/7. Their lives are certainly not monotonous. We are always taking them to new places.

OP posts:
twiney · 30/12/2017 10:35

@givemesteel
Yes, I pay my cat lady £20 a day for my two, to feed, top up water and spend half an hour cuddling and paying, so for 9 days would be same as what you got your friend. For a month for just the 2 cats with no overnight stay or walking I'd be looking at £600.

mustbemad17 · 30/12/2017 10:36

Why are people berating the OP?? The 'friend' agreed to do this, she knew what the expectations were & she knew what the monetary payment was going to be. How hard is it to turn around & say 'sorry i just won't have time' 🤔

I have to wonder why she hasn't also updated you on Beagle's weight loss?? 2kg is noticeable (at least it was in two of mine & we see them every day!) so why not mention it??

Personally I would front her out. Clearly she hasn't done what she agreed to do. If neighbours have said they have heard the dogs crying which is unusual. You said in your OP that you left numbers of people willing to step in if need be...why the fuck didn't she utilise those?? You covered every base. Except for being duped by someone you thought was trustworthy. Grrr

MargaretCavendish · 30/12/2017 10:38

Agree that $500 is very low for what you were expecting, that's about £12 a day for us in the UK, which would barely get you an hours dog walking for 2 dogs, let alone all the other care. (assuming US dollars)

OP's updates make it clear it's $ Australian, so even less than that - less than £10 a day, which is an absolute piss take for what she wanted. However, I agree with OP that the friend should have raised the pitiful pay beforehand, rather than just not doing the job properly. My biggest concern is that OP says 'the notes made clear' that the friend had to stay every night. If this wasn't 100% clear before OP left then I can see how her friend was put in a very awkward position.

OldPony · 30/12/2017 10:38

The whole set up sounds shit. I can't believe you left the dogs for a fucking month, with this crappy arrangement in place.
All of it sounds shit, including leaving them at home all fucking day long.
You should have only gone for 2 weeks and had a professional carer sorted for the dogs.

Original poster
SuperBeagle · 30/12/2017 10:39

OldPony Righto.

OP posts:
mustbemad17 · 30/12/2017 10:40

Wow, so when you have pets you can only leave them for a maximum of two weeks?? Fuck off 😂

IntoTheFloodAgain · 30/12/2017 10:41

OP can you clarify what it is she didnt do? From your OP i understood she barely spent time with them, but then further on she has fed and walked them which is what you say was expected?
Or is it that you think she’s not fed and walked them enough, only for the purpose of the few videos? (sorry if I’ve misread, sleep deprived with a mix of night shifts!)

It is terrible that your dog has lost so much weight though so something is amiss.

SusieOwl4 · 30/12/2017 10:41

I think you need to ask the sitter if she stayed the night or not . There could be an explanation .

I

twiney · 30/12/2017 10:42

@mustbemad17
If you have dogs? I'd say so, yeah. Otherwise get some cats.

Dogs bond with their people. They will have felt pretty depressed and anxious for an entire month with nobody around and their owners gone.

FitBitFanClub · 30/12/2017 10:42

Why are so many people on here incapable of reading the fucking thread?!

twiney · 30/12/2017 10:42

@OldPony
Agree