Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think regifted presents can actually be quite unkind?

111 replies

Blahblahblahzeeblah · 28/12/2017 18:53

MIL regifted me a present. I know it was regifted as I looked it up online and it was last sold in 2015. Giving precise details of the gift would likely be quite outing but it's something she knows I will never use.

I've almost surprised myself by feeling quite hurt by this. We have an ok relationship, not the best of friends but always pleasant to one another and I help her out when I can, make sure she sees the grandchildren often etc.

I feel like it's her way of saying she doesn't really care about me. It's not a money thing, I'd have been happy with a bar of my favourite chocolate as she knows I'd enjoy that and that would've shown some thought.

I buy all the family presents and I spend a lot of time over it, making sure everyone gets something they'd like. I know she would have liked her gift as she mentioned it specifically several times (doesn't do subtle hints!) so I made sure we got it sorted for her.

So is it sometimes mean to regift something when you know the receiver won't like and/or use it?

I'm prepared to be told I'm BU, in fact it might cheer me up a little!

OP posts:
violetbluesky · 28/12/2017 18:54

It's just a bit thoughtless.

I don't mind regifting if the person will actually use it

LEMtheoriginal · 28/12/2017 18:58

Maybe she is just shit at present buying. My SIL gets a lynx set and some money in a card and actually last year I did refit him some shower gel. I hate the whole pressure of buying for folk you feel obliged to buy for just because it's Xmas. Goes for close family too. I just don't do it anymore!

Nomorechickens · 28/12/2017 18:59

Regifting is fine. Regifting something that you won't like shows a lack of consideration for you. On the upside, this frees you from the burden of putting a lot of effort into your gifts to her in future, just get her something from 'that' counter in Boots or whatever - the one which has gifts on which nobody wants. In fact, buy now in the sale for next Christmas.

Original poster
Blahblahblahzeeblah · 28/12/2017 19:00

Regifting me a box of toiletries or some food or something she knows I'd like would have been fine. Shes given me one of the free sample bags the cosmetic counters give out and thats been nice. It's the fact she knows I'd have zero use for this gift that's upset me a little.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 28/12/2017 19:00

I think if it’s being given just for the sake of giving a present then it is unkind; pretty much the same as someone buying you a gift they know you won’t like.
It’s probably time to get her something equally thoughtless.

lljkk · 28/12/2017 19:01

"something she knows I will never use" is the problem, not whether it's a regift.

Dahlietta · 28/12/2017 19:01

I think some people just don't really enjoy present-buying. My MiL hates receiving presents - she thinks they're a waste of money. She doesn't mind buying them so much, but they usually come with a comment of "I got this in the sale" or "I bought this because it had £10 off" which rather take the romance out of the process. She's lovely though so I just ignore this part of her Wink. If you otherwise have a good relationship with you MiL, I would try not to take offence.

DoctorHarleen · 28/12/2017 19:02

YANBU. Clearly she’s done this so she can tick you off her list with not much thought

Original poster
Blahblahblahzeeblah · 28/12/2017 19:03

I guess that's right lljkk. I wouldn't mind an obvious regift if I could enjoy it. There's still some thought there 'oh I don't like this but it'd be just perfect for blah'

OP posts:
Original poster
Blahblahblahzeeblah · 28/12/2017 19:05

MIL does hate giving gifts. She's the type to buy my children things that have to live at her house.

She does however love receiving them and we are always very generous.

OP posts:
frieda909 · 28/12/2017 19:06

it's something she knows I will never use.

It’s this that I’d find more hurtful than the regifting, which I think is kind of a red herring.

My father gave me something for Christmas which I cannot use for medical reasons which he’s known about for over a decade. I’m not hurt but I will admit to being slightly taken aback as I really didn’t think he would have forgotten about this particular issue of mine!

Laiste · 28/12/2017 19:06

It's definitely a bit tight arsed IMO. Looking at something you've had stuck in a drawer for 3 years and thinking 'i'll pretend i bought this for bla'.

I'd want to let her know i knew somehow.

DandelionAndBedrock · 28/12/2017 19:07

I would be frustrated by that.

Without knowing the gift though...might it have come from an outlet centre instead of being regifted?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 28/12/2017 19:07

She's really unfair. She hasn't done this to your husband - does she know he'd call her out on it? It's an unkind thing to do - so many mums end up with crap Christmas presents - a lot have nothing - and you have been kind to her, only to have it thrown in your face.

Has she told you she liked her own present?

LineysRunner · 28/12/2017 19:09

Yes it does sound hurtful, given the full context.

loveyouradvice · 28/12/2017 19:10

might just have come from a presents drawer - yup, I do have such a thing and just buy things I like or think someone else will like when I see it... so can be there for ages! I do forget what Ive got so not the greatest system...

PhuntSox · 28/12/2017 19:10

Give it to her for her birthday, if she complains look innocent and say you would never re-gift something!

Original poster
Blahblahblahzeeblah · 28/12/2017 19:14

DH would definitely call her out on it if he did it to him. He wants to call her out on it now.

I am 99.9% sure it's not from an outlet place. She'd be funny aboit shopping at one (don't know why). In fact if it was from an outlet place, coming from her it would almost be more insulting!

OP posts:
StrawBasket · 28/12/2017 19:17

it's something she knows I will never use

Are you sure she knows? If she does, it's a bit weird, is she a Mnetter and trying to make a point or something?

Regifting in itself is fine, someone is giving you something they believe you will like, what's wrong with it?

Cantspell2 · 28/12/2017 19:19

Just because it is a past season item doesn’t mean it has been regifted.
TK Max have made a good retail model out of selling last season goods and I was in there before Christmas and it was packed. I hope everyone who received the presents being bought didn’t think they were given some tat from the bottom of a drawer.

pinkblink · 28/12/2017 19:24

I don't think it's the regifting that was unkind, more the lack of thought about you and what you like

Unicorn81 · 28/12/2017 19:25

Mil gave me back a gift i had given her the year before. Gifts from them are awful and no thought. Got a large dove body lotion that i would never use in aa made up pack with a shower scrunchie. Them smell from it was disgusting, defo secondnhand, which i dont mind if it smelled ok. Id rather they buy me nothing

MikeUniformMike · 28/12/2017 19:26

Is it something someone else would like?
Is it something to put on display?
Is it something that you could give to charity?
Could you swap with someone?

If it is an ornament, hide it. If you have it on display, people will think you like that sort of thing and you will find that you are accumulating a collection of them.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 28/12/2017 19:28

It sounds like your present was a 'gift with purchase'. In which case it's even more insulting, because there's no way that could possibly have been bought by anyone.

CantChoose · 28/12/2017 19:29

This is probably been said already, I think gifting anything you know someone won't use is unkind.
My mum regifted me an expensive Dior set she won't use but I love. No problem with that - she could probably have exchanged it but she saved it for me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread