To think regifted presents can actually be quite unkind?

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MIL regifted me a present. I know it was regifted as I looked it up online and it was last sold in 2015. Giving precise details of the gift would likely be quite outing but it's something she knows I will never use.

I've almost surprised myself by feeling quite hurt by this. We have an ok relationship, not the best of friends but always pleasant to one another and I help her out when I can, make sure she sees the grandchildren often etc.

I feel like it's her way of saying she doesn't really care about me. It's not a money thing, I'd have been happy with a bar of my favourite chocolate as she knows I'd enjoy that and that would've shown some thought.

I buy all the family presents and I spend a lot of time over it, making sure everyone gets something they'd like. I know she would have liked her gift as she mentioned it specifically several times (doesn't do subtle hints!) so I made sure we got it sorted for her.

So is it sometimes mean to regift something when you know the receiver won't like and/or use it?

I'm prepared to be told I'm BU, in fact it might cheer me up a little!

Regifting not an issue, I think its brill as less ends up in landfill. Regifting because you just want to offload your tat and are being tight (not skint!) is a bit mean. Regifting thoughtlessly but making it very clear the type of gift you expect in return by dropping massive hints is quite selfish and I'd be hurt too. Not sure there's much you can do though, other than chalking it up to experience.

I never "re-gift" presents. I pass things on to some one I know might like or have a use for them but that is done as soon as I can after receiving them. I don't give them as birthday or Christmas presents.

I explain the item was a present, (I don't say from whom) it's not my cup of tea but it would be a shame to waste it. It costs me nothing and someone gets the benefit of the item.

I totally understand what you mean - there are only a few "thought" routes which would arrive at you getting this gift and none shout "I care about you!"

I am a terrible gift giver. Worst is that sometimes I know exactly what someone might do want, OH for example, and I have given him cracking gifts over the years. Other people, including my close family, I am terrible. I don't know what to get them and when I am not certain I can be so non commital to an "ok" purchase, that I end up with nothing. I've just given my own sister money back for a last minute present I asked her husband to buy on her birthday. (We live in different countries).

Anyway. My advice is not I worry about too much, especially if you've received nice gifts from others. Perhaps also, you think she knows/remembers more about details of your life than she does.

If you can't really put it to rest, then take her aside and say "I'm so terribly sorry, I love the gift you have given me blah blah blah, I have no use for it however I do have a friend who would love it. Her birthday is coming up, would you mind awfully if I regift it? I don't know ant to offer you so I wanted to ask".
Then use her reaction to maybe steer her in a direction of a more fitting gift in the future, peRhaps she might own up that it was a regift already or just take it on the chin that she isn't a great gift giver. :)
Christmas shouldn't be about forced gifting. Also Is she better at birthday gifts?

:) Merry christmas!

But what does it matter? If the relationship is good for the rest of the year, what does it matter if someone gives a crap 3 for 2 present from Boots at Christmas?

I happen to give people really good presents because my husband has a clothing shop and people love cashmere. I get it at cost and gloves,socks, scarves, sweaters and blankets require zero effort.

I've given someone a £1000 blanket that I got for £200 that I translated into a great deal more work than the original outlay. It didn't mean that I liked her, it just meant that I thought it was a good investment.

The OP seems similar. It's just a trade-off for her

I think some people are a bit clueless about this sort of thing. I have a friend who often complains about how bad other people are at giving gifts and how annoying it is when she gets tat. She then gave me a pressie for a birthday which was just not very me and I wasn't overly pleased with it as it was something intended to be displayed in the home. Always awkward! I thanked her for it. Then a few weeks later she asked if I liked it I said how lovely it was. She then proceeded to tell me that she had been given it by another friend but didn't like it at all and thought it was more to my taste!?! She said how offended she was this other friend had picked it for her as it wasn't very nice. Very strange all round. I've since given it to the charity shop and feel no remorse now I know she thinks it is dreadful too. Haha!

I wouldn’t mind if my MIL regifted me some of the things we’ve bought her over the years, but she gifts them to my SIL. Instead I am given hideous jewelry, just checked and yes this years is definitely regifted.
It has backfired on occasions when I’ve spotted the gift in use and commented that’s its the same make as the one we bought MIL for Xmas. The best one was a digital photo frame, put in a drawer and never used. One SIL bought her one for her birthday a couple years later and made a huge fuss giving it to her at a family meal. MIL couldn’t look me in the eye afterwards. I have never seen either frame on display. I suppose if she didn’t use ours she couldn’t display the second one.

I 'regift' things to my favourite charity shop. That way I know that whoever buys it is really going to love it and I'm also giving money to a charity I love.

So, in a way the gifts I don't like or won't ever use turn out to be really good gifts after all.

Some members of DH's family are chronic regifters and I found it really hurtful. To me it says two things: 1. I am too tight to spend money on you, and 2. I cannot be arsed to choose a nice, thoughtful gift for you.

Over the years I've had a scarf (no tags) that must have been taken out of a drawer and wrapped for me, and a perfume sampler set that had clearly been received the precious Christmas (the voucher that came inside was soon to expire). They've even regifted to me something I gave to them

Worst of all was a toy given for DS's birthday this year. When I opened the box I could see the sellotape was dry and old. Then I noticed the Amazon label (you know how Amazon often send large boxes out with just an address label on?) dated two years previously. Then I took the thing out and it had been badly damaged in transit but, obviously, they didn't know because they'd never opened it. Their child had a bigger and better version of this toy already so presumably he's received two one birthday and they'd kept that one and decided to keep the other one for when my DS was old enough. He would have been a few months old at the time. Can you imagine the thought process? "Brilliant! We'll regift this to Roly's DS in two years! Put it in the loft will you, love?" Anyway, it went straight into the bin. It was too broken to fix.

This year MIL regifted something bought for her last year, to the person who'd bought it for her in the first place!

I don't think for a moment it was done deliberately and she doesn't know I know...the receiver was a little bit and a bit naffed off, but would never say anything to MIL.

I happen to give people really good presents because my husband has a clothing shop and people love cashmere. I get it at cost and gloves,socks, scarves, sweaters and blankets require zero effort.

All pretty rubbish and thoughtless gifts to me

My MIL regifted me toiletries that I gave her in 2015.

I bought them originally because I think they’re nice, so I’m not too displeased to have them back .

That's fine then. I regift nice toiletries and scented candles too.
Most people are perfectly capable of buying their own toiletries.
Personally I find it is about as exciting as being given a set of toothpaste, toothpaste and dental floss.

All pretty rubbish and thoughtless gifts to me

Speak for yourself, I'd love cashmere things for Christmas!

Ah this reminds me of a funny story from years ago. I was bridesmaid to a childhood friend whose parents were quite weird. Just before the wedding their neighbours brought round a gift which was an electric heated plate warmer. When they opened the box they found a very old guarantee and a wedding gift card addressed to the neighbours themselves. So they stormed round to have a massive go at them and uninvited them to the wedding. Hilarious!

really, your mother's presents would seem quite nasty to some people, but you knew she meant well. That's so sweet

No, she doesn’t mean well. It’s yet another way of pointing out i’m not ladylike and don’t fit her expectations of how a well brought up daughter should look and behave.

I do appreciate that it’s her version of wanting the best for me, but it really pisses me off that she can’t accept me the way i am.

All pretty rubbish and thoughtless gifts to me

Oh really? If you think that's rubbish you should seriously rethink your username rudolphslittlehelper.

You could ebay them for a lot for minimal effort for yourself or you could donate them to a charity shop who would snatch your hand off and translate that into funds. Or you could just give them to homeless folk you meet on the streets if you wanted the personal touch.

This is seriously warm stuff and being warm saves lives or are you too fucking ignorant to realise that? Or maybe you don't think a street sleeper should have a thick pair of deerskin gloves with cashmere lining that will last a couple of winters?

That's what I've given because I can. Not everyone has the access I do. But anything anyone gives with love counts. So spare me your fucking judgements

Cashmere wouldn't be my thing either, can't be bothered with anything non machine washable. Just shows that you might think you have me a lovely gift and dislike mind and consider it cheap/tight/thoughtless. But if it's cashmere you'll have missed the mark even if it's my fav colour of a style I complimented on YOU. I would still appreciate it though.

I have cashmere going round in the washing machine right now on H or Handwash. You can machine wash it. It's just wool GingerbreadMa.

My objection was to rudolphslittlehelper sneering at my presents.

You could ebay them for a lot for minimal effort for yourself or you could donate them to a charity shop who would snatch your hand off and translate that into funds. Or you could just give them to homeless folk you meet on the streets if you wanted the personal touch.

any gift that you need to eBay or give away is a thoughtless gift to begin with. Giving gifts from your shop is pretty thoughtless and shows a lack of care to me

My objection was to rudolphslittlehelper sneering at my presents.

You were being smug and saying that I happen to give people really good presents because my husband has a clothing shop and people love cashmere. I get it at cost and gloves,socks, scarves, sweaters and blankets require zero effort.

I happen to give people really good presents because my husband has a clothing shop and people love cashmere

Lovely. I like cashmere. You should have missed out the part below which rather takes the shine off.

I get it at cost and gloves,socks, scarves, sweaters and blankets require zero effort.

I've said what I give away and why. What do you do rudolph?

You should have missed out the part below which rather takes the shine off.

Do you think so LassWiTheDelicateAir? I don't think you understand.

I said I get these things at zero effort to me. That's true, I just get them and donate them like Lady Bountiful. My husband gets them at cost which is not at zero cost to him in terms of what he could sell them for but we decide that it is a good thing to do because we are lucky and want to pass it on.

I hope that explains things to you and rudolph. If not, please feel free to come ask more questions. BTW what do you give?

You were being smug

No I wasn't. It's all in your head. What do you give rudolph?

Many years ago exDP mother so sort of MIL presented me with a regifted gift with purchase present - she may have even picked it up cheaply at a church fete or won it on a tombola
I was mildly amused - we had bought them thoughtful decent presents despite our lower earnings etc
ExDP never forgave her for the slight to me and eventually we went NC