To think my in laws are a bit cruel?

[cheeseobvs]

This week all my ds (4) has been saying is how he wants to go to Nanny’s wants to sleep at Nanny’s, packing his toys and special cup in his bag and waiting around the front door to go, he’s never slept their before but all of a sudden is desperate to.

Myself and DH have both said to his mum about how he’s non stop going about staying at Nanny’s etc, today he started again. MIL text DH asking if he would sleep in a bed on his own, he said yes, she said ok we’ll be round in 10 mins.

Now they got here, I mentioned about how I can’t believe he’s non stop nanny this nanny that, and MIL and FIL both completely blank what I say, sit here for half an hour have a cup of tea and nothing is mentioned about DS staying over? They have left and he’s in bits, I would of asked them what’s going on but DH is the type that won’t say anything to his mothers face. They are always going on about how they want to have him sleepover and they are going to decorate the spare bedroom for him.

I feel gutted for my little boy! I was so close to my Nan and always loved the idea of my ds having the same relationship I had with mine :(.

It's all a bit weird and could have been avoided by talking to them :-/

I'm totally confused by their behaviour but would definitely have asked them straight out about DS staying over.

Don't know how you can explain to DS that all the adults ignored his request.

One of you needs to man up and ask if he can come and stay as he’d got his hopes up. Right now, call them and ask.

Why didn't one of you stick up for your DS?? Maybe PIL meant that he could stay at some point, and they are thinking about doing up his room ... my DM would be like this, wouldn't let him stay until everything is perfect. Your DH and his DParents clearly had crossed wires: without knowing what was said there's no way anyone can know if they were being cruel! I can't believe your DH would rather have his DS 'in bits' rather than simply asking his parents what was going on ... your son is going to be in for a few more disappointments in life if his DF can't even have a reasonable conversation with his own DM.

Why didn't you say something???

Phone up and speak to them, sort it out and find out what's going on.

Why didnt either of you say "Aww look, DGC has his little bag packed ready to go with you" or similar. You really all sat there over a cup of tea and hobnobs and no one mentioned it? DGC didnt bounce up and down with excitement and mention it?

Why did you not talk to them. They are not cruel, you and your DH need to adult up.

They aren't cruel, they may have a valid reason why he can't stay atm.
Just because you enjoyed staying with gp's and they obviously enjoyed you staying, doesn't mean your ils should.
Didn't you try to put your child off, they can't always have what they want.
As parents you both need to manage the situation with ds and ils not just expect ils to play yours and ds game.

Sorry, what happened here?

OP, have you heard of the Karpman Drama Triangle? It might be worth you having a look at the dynamic;
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201106/the-relationship-triangle

There are other ways to relate to people.

So you didn't want to mention it. Perhaps they didn't want to mention it either for similar reasons. So you all sat and looked at each other until it go so weird and uncomfortable they had to leave.

Next time - use your words.

Why did you not say, so your taking him tonight, right!

Were there definite plans for your son to sleep at PILs tonight? I'm confused as to what happened too. Did PILs think it was a plan for another night or something?

Why can't you speak to them and you/your husband drop him around to them?

Grow a pair and ask them, it's not difficult fgs

If I'm understanding your post correctly, your in laws didnt really jnvite him, you just kept on at them about your 4yr old wanting to sleep there?

Why on Earth didn’t you and your dh insist. “Hang on we haven’t talked about the sleepover.”?

Speak up for your son! They might have thought you both strange for mentioning the stay over, then saying nothing when they came to pick him up. They probably thought he had changed his mind.

Awww if my boy wanted to stay at his nan's house as much as yours did ,I wouldn't give fuck if my DH can't face his mother, I'd have a word

Poor little mite

Where did the 4yo get the idea from in the first place? Seems odd to be so fixated on something he's never done before.

Perhaps you need to manage his expectations better, OP. Or get him to ask PiL direct?

OP said the inlaws have said they want gds to stay over and will decorate a room for him but sounds as though they haven't quite gone through with anything and he is getting all excited about it but being let down.

Don't see why they do it to be 'cruel' though - more just basic miscommunication and the use of that word suggest the op has some issues with them.

He's never slept there before but has spent days packing his bag and cup and hanging around the front door?

They are cruel?? What on earth is wrong with you and your husband?

Why didn't you act like grown ups and Ask?

Was it explicitly stated that they were coming round to pick him up?

I'm a little confused by this.

Well, firstly you need to ask if it is convenient. It might not be at the moment- you mention that they are talking about decorating the spare room which suggests that they have not yet done this.

Secondly, you need to manage your DS's expectations. Talk to him and say that he can't stay there at the moment but that maybe in the future he can. If he packs his bag, gently tell him that he is not staying at nanny's and he is sleeping in his own bed. The reason he is upset is partly because you let him get his hopes up.