To think my in laws are a bit cruel?

[cheeseobvs]

This week all my ds (4) has been saying is how he wants to go to Nanny’s wants to sleep at Nanny’s, packing his toys and special cup in his bag and waiting around the front door to go, he’s never slept their before but all of a sudden is desperate to.

Myself and DH have both said to his mum about how he’s non stop going about staying at Nanny’s etc, today he started again. MIL text DH asking if he would sleep in a bed on his own, he said yes, she said ok we’ll be round in 10 mins.

Now they got here, I mentioned about how I can’t believe he’s non stop nanny this nanny that, and MIL and FIL both completely blank what I say, sit here for half an hour have a cup of tea and nothing is mentioned about DS staying over? They have left and he’s in bits, I would of asked them what’s going on but DH is the type that won’t say anything to his mothers face. They are always going on about how they want to have him sleepover and they are going to decorate the spare bedroom for him.

I feel gutted for my little boy! I was so close to my Nan and always loved the idea of my ds having the same relationship I had with mine :(.

You might actually both benefit from relate sessions about good communication. I am not saying your relationship is in trouble by the way. But good communication will help your relationship with each other and with others.

I don't understand the dynamic.

Door bell rings.
Mummy answers door "how lovely you are her to collect DS for the sleepover, he's so excited. Do you want a quick cuppa before you all go"

D'S bounces in with rucksack and excitement because grandma and grandad have come to collect him.

Sorry but the scenario is incomprehensible.

Did you, at any point, actually say “can DS stay over tonight?”

I would bet good money that communication in text involves lots of huns, lols and xxxxxxx.

Well its been an hour and OP has not communicated with us either.

There is no need to take the piss of OP. Good communication is a skill.Most of us learn it from our parents. If our parents have poor communication skills, it does have to be consciously learned.

How strange. Have you heard from since they left?

I think if the parents have buggered off you might have to take that as a definite "not tonight."

Unless they've gone out to buy a new bed?

I don't get it either.

Why do so many people think that those around them should be psychic?

So many difficult situations in life could be avoided if people just spoke to each other openly like adults, and this is one of them.

It reads to me as if they came with the intention of taking him.

But maybe when you didn't mention it they thought that they were mistaken?

Ate you going to phone them and ask?

What ?

I think you didn't say anything as you follow your DH lead on how he is with them.

But it's not normal?

Thy cane round for him, then buggered off. You'll need to rock the boat by daring to ask them things rather than ignore. I can imagine this will be uncomfortable for you seeing as you let them go without asking WTF but you'll have to.

Surely if he really has been sat by the door for days, as soon as nanny arrived he would have been saying 'nanny can I have a sleepover at yours, can I can I can I?'! (or at least mine would have!) Did no one, him or them or you, mention it at all?

Well this is odd.

Come back @cheeseobvs - don't be that poster who posts and runs.

They would have expected you to raise the topic for discussion, so that they could sound out with DS how he felt, and perhaps plan something over the holidays. Unless they said specifically 'we are coming to get him for a sleepover tonight' you shouldn't have assumed that.
They wouldn't raise it if you didn't, most people take the lead from a child's parents - as you didn't mentions it, they probably assumed he'd gone off the idea, or had been naughty so the idea was out for the time being.
You can only solve this by talking to them, and there's no reason to be upset with them. Not sure how you can explain to your little boy why you didn't ask them about it, thats quite hard to understand!

I didn’t really want to mention it incase they thought I wanted them to have him, I was saying how excited he was etc and they didn’t mention it so I didn’t want to bring it up or force it on them. dh has messaged his mum and they are picking ds up tomorrow, she said she couldn’t have him tonight because she’s got headache.

He hasn’t been waiting around the door for days it’s just something he’s done. He’s never slept there before but suddenly is desperate to go, I never wanted to outright ask if he could stay incase they didn’t want him or thought it was rude of me asking.

He waited by the front door a couple of days ago and I did explain he couldn’t go to Nanny’s because it was too late (it was his bed time). But throughout the day it’s sleep at Nanny’s etc, I didn’t want to ask outright so told her what he’s said to see what she’d think of the idea, then as she didn’t mention it when she came I assumed she didn’t want to even though I said about how he wanted to sleep.

He’s made up he’s going tomorrow anyway picking what toys he’s taking and wants to have his bath and go to bed ready for tomorrow he’s saying

There's no way I'd allow my dc to ever get excited about a visit with them again and as soon as anyone mentioned it I would shut it down. The headache thing is utter bullshit. If she had a full blown migraine and was in bed, fair enough. But she's well enough to pop over for a cuppa but not well enough to have him overnight. very odd indeed

Is it possible they were waiting for you to mention the sleepover while you were waiting for them to mention it?
My mum is like that with my sil. She doesn't like intruding on my brother and sil and waits for them to initiate meetups and babysitting requests. If people didn't know her, they'd think she was uninterested in her grandchildren, which is far from the truth.

Didn’t read half of the replies but omg 😂. Planted the idea in his head for a night off? Not at all 😂 if that was the case I have a babysitter. The reason I didn’t outright ask because I didn’t want them to think I was trying to palm him off on them.

“I would bet good money that communication in text involves lots of huns, lols and xxxxxxx.” @IHaveBrilloHair Piss off pls hun

How many judgemental people are there on here? Fucking hell.

Fluffbear this is why I felt I couldn’t outright ask her, they say things about having him over and doing a room up but they never ask and don’t seem that interested, I don’t know why he’s all of a sudden desperate to go around he talks about the animals they have which is probably why, but it would be a lot easier if he was begging to see my own Mum because he could go there whenever . As soon as they came in I was telling them everything he had been saying and they completely blanked it and couldn’t even look at me while I was talking, straight away I thought ok they don’t want him over.

People are saying why didn’t I ask outright etc the way dh parents are I don’t feel I could really they don’t seem that interested and would probably think I’m rude or trying to palm him off on them.