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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my in laws are a bit cruel?

101 replies

cheeseobvs · 28/12/2017 15:30

This week all my ds (4) has been saying is how he wants to go to Nanny’s wants to sleep at Nanny’s, packing his toys and special cup in his bag and waiting around the front door to go, he’s never slept their before but all of a sudden is desperate to.

Myself and DH have both said to his mum about how he’s non stop going about staying at Nanny’s etc, today he started again. MIL text DH asking if he would sleep in a bed on his own, he said yes, she said ok we’ll be round in 10 mins.

Now they got here, I mentioned about how I can’t believe he’s non stop nanny this nanny that, and MIL and FIL both completely blank what I say, sit here for half an hour have a cup of tea and nothing is mentioned about DS staying over? They have left and he’s in bits, I would of asked them what’s going on but DH is the type that won’t say anything to his mothers face. They are always going on about how they want to have him sleepover and they are going to decorate the spare bedroom for him.

I feel gutted for my little boy! I was so close to my Nan and always loved the idea of my ds having the same relationship I had with mine :(.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/12/2017 15:56

I would of asked them what’s going on but DH is the type that won’t say anything to his mothers face.

That makes no sense Confused

You said you would have asked them, so why didn't you?

MillennialFalcon · 28/12/2017 15:56

The situation sounds confusing. Was it definitely asked and agreed that he could stay with them tonight or did they think it was more of a someday thing? Would you really rather assume they are cruel than simply talk things through with them? You need to have a practical conversation and it doesn't have to be an argument or an accusation, just get everyone's expectations clear.

CotswoldStrife · 28/12/2017 15:57

Did they actually ask him to? Because from your post, it sounds as if you told them your son wanted to and they asked if he's sleep in a bed on his own, they didn't actually say 'great, we'd love to have him to stay'? Nothing definite was ever arranged.

ClashCityRocker · 28/12/2017 15:57

Was it actually arranged? Or had you just been dropping hints?

A more direct approach would probably be more helpful.

Maybe his parents are wondering why you didn't mention the laddie stopping over.

SoupDragon · 28/12/2017 15:59

Did anyone actually ask them if your DS could stay tonight?

rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2017 15:59

Why didn’t you just say something???!!!! Confused

Rossigigi · 28/12/2017 16:00

Did you actually say 'would it be ok if ds stayed at your home tonight?' Maybe they were waiting to be asked, but because you didn't, thought you did not want him to stay.
When my ds used to want to stay at nannys, I used to dial the number and hand them the phone....... bonus of this is that they could never say no to them then!

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 28/12/2017 16:01

If you didn't mention it when PIL arrived, maybe they thought you were having second thoughts, and didn't like to pressure you?

constantchange · 28/12/2017 16:02

Why didn't you just ask them? Confused

extinctspecies · 28/12/2017 16:03

Ring them up and ask them if you can fix a mutually convenient date for DS to have a sleepover.

Then tell DS the plan.

NerrSnerr · 28/12/2017 16:08

I’m also curious why you didn’t ask them? Just ring them.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 28/12/2017 16:10

"Will he sleep in a bed on his own" ?
"Yes"
"We'll be round in 10 minutes"

What happened between the text and the stoney faced tea drinking ?

They must have realised that the intention was DS sleeping over?
Poor little lad Sad

PinkHeart5914 · 28/12/2017 16:11

All very strange!

Did they actually say they were coming round to pick him up?

Maybe they were waiting for you to actually ask them to have ds over night and have gone home just as confused that you and your dh didn’t ask them?

It sounds to me like maybe some communication hasn’t been done between you adults

MrsMozart · 28/12/2017 16:12

What?

One of you needs to speak to them pronto.

kaytee87 · 28/12/2017 16:13

Sounds like a misunderstanding. One of you needs to speak to them.

NerrSnerr · 28/12/2017 16:13

It’s so strange. If I thought my 4 year old was going on their 1at sleepover with someone I’d be telling them about bedtimes, breakfast and all the other irrational things I’d worry about. It’s hard to understand why you didn’t discuss it at all.

HRTpatch · 28/12/2017 16:14

I never fail to be astonished by posters.
What a bizarre situation.

MiltonTheChristmasCockroach · 28/12/2017 16:15

I thought the horse shit thread was bonkers.

It did seem that they were checking if he was ok in his own bed but I don't understand why you didn't say "haven't you forgotten something?" whilst pointing at DS when they started to leave.

IHaveBrilloHair · 28/12/2017 16:16

Seriously, why have you been letting your son hang around a door for days.
Poor wee kid.
This is as much your fault as it is theres.

Bluntness100 · 28/12/2017 16:16

Where did the 4yo get the idea from in the first place? Seems odd to be so fixated on something he's never done before

This. Are you trying to tell us he came up with thr idea all by himself then was Adamant it would happen? That he packed his own bag and waited by the door?

Or did you plant the idea as you fancied a night off ?

Jux · 28/12/2017 16:20

So did you actually ask them? Maybe they thought you saying he’s all “nanny this nanny that” was rude, or that you were trying to tell them that it’s not OK?

Ring them up. Ask.

crunchymint · 28/12/2017 16:21

I think your life would be easier if you learned good communication skills.

When a child wants to do something that you have no control over making it happen, you need to manage expectations. So saying things like - we will see. You might not be able to stay there.

If you want something to happen, you need to communicate that. Simply saying your DS wants to stay over means nothing. It can be interpreted a number of ways. Maybe you are just saying it is cute that he likes his gran and grandad so much. I would NEVER say in front of a child, does he want to stay over, in case the parents were not ready to let a young child stay over.

So talk to them without your child there. Say can DS stay over. If they say yes, say when. You need to communicate clearly.

I am really not trying to be harsh. But I am friends with a couple who get themselves into so many situations they feel unhappy with, because they drop what they see as hints, but do not communicate clearly.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 28/12/2017 16:21

Where did the 4yo get the idea?

I blame Barney the Behemoth Purple and Green Dinosaur, the bastard put loads of ideas into my DC heads (sleepovers/parties/adventures in forests/log cabins etc)

He'll have seen something on CBeebies or similar and then GP decorating the room , it will have sprung from there

Jux · 28/12/2017 16:22

So many fall outs would be avoided or sorted if people just spoke to each other.

MeadowHay · 28/12/2017 16:25

Part of me feels like this should go in classics, it's just that weird.

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