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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think these gifts might be stolen?

184 replies

poopsqueak · 28/12/2017 11:21

(background) BIL has a new(1 yr) gf, she is a bit odd. She is about 34 and a carer. In the past he has gifted carefully thought out presents to ourselves and our daughter.

The first time that we met her, some things went missing from our house. It was new makeup that I had placed on a side table next to the sofa. I saw it there, then she sat down near it and an hour later it was gone. We looked all over the lounge for it all together, couldn't find it. I wasn't too bothered as not expensive but found it very strange and got a bit of a weird vibe. She also took two Kitkats from the biscuits offered around and put them in her bag without asking. She wasn't sneaky about that though just said 'oh I'll have these later' which is weird (IMO) but not a crime.

She told him that she would 'sort christmas this year'

DD is 5 and opened her presents yesterday. BIL and GF live a far away so the presents were not given in person but via a relative.

DD was thrilled to open a pair of Babyliss hair straighteners. now there are a few issues with this; A) totally inappropriate (dangerous) B) daughter has tight/afro hair so cant use them even if we let her C) box was very old and dusty and the packaging was like branding from the early noughties. It was unopened but had damp mould on it. We have had to tell DD she cant use them (for safety reasons) and she is upset. She was also given a bottle of Opium (perfume). Again, inappropriate for a 5yr old, and it was an old design bottle that was pretty beaten up. So far so puzzled.

DH opened his gifts and it was a Dove gift set that had been opened and an item removed (2 out of three were there) and a new bottle of BullDog facewash. Again puzzled about the incomplete gift set.

I opened my gift and was really shocked to find a pack of chestnut brown hair dye (I have blonde hair), some playboy perfume which had been opened and used and a DVD of the new Beauty and the beast, but without the plastic on the packaging or the leaflet inside.

I didnt really know what to say at that point to the relatives that delivered the gifts so just kind of looked confused and put them aside.

I got a strong vibe that they were someone elses stuff? they had been opened and used in some cases, and were such a random selection of things.

We arent planning on saying anything to them really, except maybe about the straighteners and the safety issue but I am really worried that she has taken these things from her clients. She looks after adults with learning disabilities and it would be a violation of their trust. I have no proof though so wonder if its best to just say nothing at all?

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/12/2017 16:25

As far as I can see no-one has suggested that Lass.....

Posters commented that she might be short of cash or just tight with money so the assumption presumably is she was buying them with her own money.

wanderlust99 · 28/12/2017 16:26

Is the only reason you think it may be stolen because of the missing make up?

Rossigigi · 28/12/2017 16:27

Sorry I may have missed this, but is she a carer in a residential setting/ supported living setting or does she go out in the community into service users homes?

LemonShark · 28/12/2017 16:29

My first thought was she's bought dodgy cheap counterfeit crap from eBay. Wouldn't trust the straighteners on anyone, even an adult, nor would I wear the perfume if it's clearly been used or opened or is very old. Her choice of gift is bonkers but it's a bigger concern I think that she might have given you dangerous counterfeit goods. Boot sales are rife with them, as are eBay and even amazon.

LemonShark · 28/12/2017 16:30

PS if you email the makers of the perfume with the codes on the box/bottle they'll be able to tell if it's a legit batch or a fake counterfeit.

MrMeSeeks · 28/12/2017 16:33

I don’t think she stole them as then they would be without the packaging. People take stuff out of the packaging when they have them at home.
I keep all makeup palettes, and certain expensive makeup items in their boxes and some with their wrappers.

Pinky333777 · 28/12/2017 16:36

Have you thought about mentioning it to the company she works for or supervisor, so they can be alert and look into it? If you're very suspicious about where they came from that is.
I'd definitely mention to bro.

NancyJoan · 28/12/2017 16:36

Sounds like car boot tat, at best.

XmasInTintagel · 28/12/2017 16:36

The gifts are odd, but I think its going too far to think she stole them, there are many other possible explanations. Her clients could have given her stuff they had lying around, as a thank you (we had an elderly friend who would give pretty random stuff, and be most insistent about it!).
You may privately speculate, I would! But I don't think you should raise concerns with anyone else.

Charolais · 28/12/2017 16:38

I think she pinched them from people’s homes where she works.

CombineBananaFister · 28/12/2017 16:42

It is such an odd collection of items, it's hard to imagine someone going out and actually buying them - especially considering their condition and inappropriateNess for a 5yr old.
I had an auntie that 'regifted' a lot, even partially used items as she was a hoarder and couldn't bare to 'waste' anything. Maybe these items were being thrown out or unwanted by her clients? The kit kat thing rings a bell though, same auntie would fill her purse with sugar sachets, napkins etc when we were out or take biscuits for later. Quite sad really Sad
Think your gut instinct might not be too far off, but perhaps(I hope) not stolen?

halcyondays · 28/12/2017 17:00

It sounds more like stuff from a car boot sale than anything elseor else stuff she had at home. Charity shops wouldn't sale electrical items that hadn't been saftey checked and they don't really sound like the sort of thing an elderly person she was caring for would have at home.

Jaxhog · 28/12/2017 17:01

Sounds like re-gifting to me.

ImAMarshmellow · 28/12/2017 17:59

Not sure if it's already been mentioned, but could she be financially abusing your BIL? So he's given her the cash, she's said 'oh yes, I've got gifts and passed them along' and instead either regifted old stuff/carboot etc.
Alternatively does she not realise that these gifts aren't suitable? I.e does she have some sort of learning difficulty?

Mousewatch · 28/12/2017 18:05

I'd definitely be asking if your BIL gave her money for the gifts.

OnTheRise · 28/12/2017 18:43

If she works with vulnerable adults then yes, it does sound like she might have stolen them.

Or she might just have given stuff that she had at home.

Either way it's not appropriate.

I like the suggestion made earlier that you say the straighteners aren't working, and ask for the receipt so you can exchange them. See what happens.

BatShite · 28/12/2017 18:47

Is there any other reason you think they are stolen apart from the missing makeup?

They do sound odd gifts though and I think I would assume that they were meant to be someone elses..especially the straighteners for a 5 year old.

Unless there is a big backstory here, I would not immediately think they were stolen because a makeup set disappeared when she had been near it at some stage..

XiCi · 28/12/2017 18:54

No-one in their right mind would give heated straighteners to a 5 year old. And opium perfume? WTAF? Who would think that was appropriate? I would be calling your brother to ask whether everything was OK given the strangeness of the gifts

XiCi · 28/12/2017 18:55

Also, I wouldn't say that the straighteners aren't working and ask for a receipt as this implies that the gift is appropriate and will be used by your DD

AbiBranning · 28/12/2017 18:59

If he sends thank you notes, maybe you should and be very precise about what you received, nothing nasty, but list the items....

MiddleClassProblem · 28/12/2017 19:03

The things with giving a present to a child is that there are millions of things out there that tell you what is age appropriate. Even if they aren’t into that sort of thing, it’s fairly easy to find something for a 5 year old as so many things say 5+ on them!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 28/12/2017 19:04

It does sound odd.... I deffo want to know of bro had given money to her to buy presents...

The presents are too different from usual

Lovebehindthefool · 28/12/2017 19:10

No I don’t think they are stolen. If things are in tatty boxes it would suggest car boot or she has just given away her own items.

Original poster
poopsqueak · 28/12/2017 19:15

So just been put with the in laws. They are very polite so probably wouldn't tell us if they had any suspicions.

However, they were in receipt of some very strange gifts too.....

His elderly dad got david beckham spray deodorant, and his mum got a jar of instant coffee and some costume jewellery Hmm

The coffee is especially unusual as PIL absolutely don't drink instant and make a big thing of trying and tasting lots of ground/beans. It's like their hobby.

It's more like now she's taking the piss, but I just can't understand why someone would?

OP posts:
Londonsuffolkmummy · 28/12/2017 19:17

She did it to piss you off