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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think these gifts might be stolen?

184 replies

poopsqueak · 28/12/2017 11:21

(background) BIL has a new(1 yr) gf, she is a bit odd. She is about 34 and a carer. In the past he has gifted carefully thought out presents to ourselves and our daughter.

The first time that we met her, some things went missing from our house. It was new makeup that I had placed on a side table next to the sofa. I saw it there, then she sat down near it and an hour later it was gone. We looked all over the lounge for it all together, couldn't find it. I wasn't too bothered as not expensive but found it very strange and got a bit of a weird vibe. She also took two Kitkats from the biscuits offered around and put them in her bag without asking. She wasn't sneaky about that though just said 'oh I'll have these later' which is weird (IMO) but not a crime.

She told him that she would 'sort christmas this year'

DD is 5 and opened her presents yesterday. BIL and GF live a far away so the presents were not given in person but via a relative.

DD was thrilled to open a pair of Babyliss hair straighteners. now there are a few issues with this; A) totally inappropriate (dangerous) B) daughter has tight/afro hair so cant use them even if we let her C) box was very old and dusty and the packaging was like branding from the early noughties. It was unopened but had damp mould on it. We have had to tell DD she cant use them (for safety reasons) and she is upset. She was also given a bottle of Opium (perfume). Again, inappropriate for a 5yr old, and it was an old design bottle that was pretty beaten up. So far so puzzled.

DH opened his gifts and it was a Dove gift set that had been opened and an item removed (2 out of three were there) and a new bottle of BullDog facewash. Again puzzled about the incomplete gift set.

I opened my gift and was really shocked to find a pack of chestnut brown hair dye (I have blonde hair), some playboy perfume which had been opened and used and a DVD of the new Beauty and the beast, but without the plastic on the packaging or the leaflet inside.

I didnt really know what to say at that point to the relatives that delivered the gifts so just kind of looked confused and put them aside.

I got a strong vibe that they were someone elses stuff? they had been opened and used in some cases, and were such a random selection of things.

We arent planning on saying anything to them really, except maybe about the straighteners and the safety issue but I am really worried that she has taken these things from her clients. She looks after adults with learning disabilities and it would be a violation of their trust. I have no proof though so wonder if its best to just say nothing at all?

OP posts:
RaeSkywalker · 28/12/2017 14:26

I’d try and find out what they gave other people. And yes, a conversation with BIL is probably needed because of the safety issue.

candlefloozy · 28/12/2017 14:28

How strange. Maybe they were just from
A charity shop? But I didn't think they sold
Electricals and why was it in a damp and mouldy box??

wibblywobblywoo · 28/12/2017 14:31

I don’t think she stole them as then they would be without the packaging. People take stuff out of the packaging when they have them at home.

Not always, especially if the owner is someone with special needs who received a gift and then never did anything else with it, and some of the items have been partly used and/or are very out of date, exactly the sort of thing of thing that can be lying around in the cupboard that someone may not immediately miss.

From what you've said OP, and the description of the items I think it's highly, highly likely that they are items that this person has stolen from her clients Sad

Bellamuerte · 28/12/2017 14:32

Sell the vintage Opium on Ebay. They've changed the formula so the new stuff doesn't smell as good as the old stuff - vintage Opium is worth more than brand new!

MissTeri · 28/12/2017 14:38

I don’t think she stole them as then they would be without the packaging. People take stuff out of the packaging when they have them at home. I keep all my electrical hair things in boxes, ditto perfumes and other beauty products. No idea why but I always have done.

Branleuse · 28/12/2017 14:55

i think its very odd too

brizzledrizzle · 28/12/2017 15:03

I'd get your DH to talk to his brother and see if he knows what has happened. Has his SIL got mental health issues?

extinctspecies · 28/12/2017 15:06

People who say it's not the sort of stuff you get at car boot sales are wrong.

You can get anything & everything at a car boot. I have sold stuff like that. Old iron with a frayed cord for £3 was the first thing to go. Used DVDs & toiletries are also popular.

Maybe it depends which part of the country you are in, but I actually found it rather heartbreaking that people wanted to buy some of the rubbish I was selling which was not good enough to give to a charity shop.

Eatalot · 28/12/2017 15:16

I doubt they arw from charity shops. If she was willing to spend could have bought better. I would hope from her house. Although I suspect you are on the money for stealing. I wouldnt want to handle stolen goods. Not sure what I would do in this situation. Id at least speak to db.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/12/2017 15:18

Odd and suspicious. I would also be concerned by the stuff in case they’re also fakes. Straighteners with no temperature control can set on fire, toiletries can burn skin etc. I’d definitely be looking for an explanation and not dispose of the stuff until I have answers.

TheFirstMrsDV · 28/12/2017 15:25

Is she a hoarder?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 28/12/2017 15:29

What did BIL and your parents say when you spoke to them?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/12/2017 15:43

I'm puzzled why any one thinks a fairly new girlfriend in a not particularly well paid job should be using any of her own money to buy presents for the OP and her family.

I get that the girlfriend might offer to do the shopping for her boyfriend but he should be paying for gifts for his family.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/12/2017 15:47

If the brother gave her money to buy gifts for his family that needs to be raised with him.

If he was expecting her to buy them out of her own money- then tough. OP got a weird selection of stuff that might have been lying around the girlfriend's house or even passed on to her by the people she cares for.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 28/12/2017 15:58

I really hope she just grabbed stuff frim her own house to save her own money and hasn't taken cash from BIL and pocketed it. Bizzare chiice of items through.

MinorRSole · 28/12/2017 16:01

@LassWiTheDelicateAir I don't think the op was expecting anything but having been gifted these items is naturally a little concerned about where they came from.

harrietsoton · 28/12/2017 16:03

Could say something like the straighteners are faulty and you need to exchange them, does she have the receipt, and see what she says? If anything she might confirm that it’s regifted or from a charity shop....and you can judge if she’s being suspicious

tiktok · 28/12/2017 16:06

Just confirming these are not charity shop items. I volunteer in a charity shop and we would never sell any of this stuff - no electricals, no incomplete items, no hair dye (hair dye as a present? Wtf?).

My old auntie has terrible form for dreadful presents and she hoards and buys crap from second hand stalls ( think revolting, second hand slippers for the children and so on), but this list is worse than hers.

I'd be inclined to think stolen from clients, too, but it could be car boot.

MoistSheath · 28/12/2017 16:10

You really must speak to BIL, this sounds very strange.

Original poster
poopsqueak · 28/12/2017 16:12

I doubt he didn't give her money, he has a steady income and lots of savings and likes to 'do things right' I.E we always get thank you cards from him from everything, a call every so often and birthday/christmas stuff on time and (normally) without issue. He is very responsible.

I am going out for tea in 30 mins with the PIL so I will ask what they got and gently probe their thoughts.

OP posts:
wibblywobblywoo · 28/12/2017 16:15

I'm puzzled why any one thinks a fairly new girlfriend in a not particularly well paid job should be using any of her own money to buy presents for the OP and her family.

As far as I can see no-one has suggested that Lass.....

The point being made is that the gifts are strange, old, used and inappropriate and suggest that they have not so much been bought as 'acquired'. The only mention of money has been to question if OP's BIL gave his GF money to 'buy' presents which she has then taken but rather clearly not spent on these 'gifts'.

Ilikecheesycrackers · 28/12/2017 16:18

Our local charity shops do sell (tested) electrical goods.

And toiletries (though not incomplete sets)

Bluffinwithmychestnutstuffin · 28/12/2017 16:19

But still this year, we got some bath spa lights in a battered box which when opened had a greasy sheen on them, like old soap...and skin cells from someone's bath...

*that made my stomach turn over Grin

OP, that all sounds pretty grim. Definitely avoid having her in your home in future. If bil stays with her I might have a quiet word with any other family member whose home she may have visited in case they have a similar story to tell. *

SlightlyJaded · 28/12/2017 16:20

I have no idea where she got them but there is a lot to be said for 'gut feeling'.

I was once given a necklace by a bf with an 'iffy' background and it just didn't feel right. It was in the box but the box just didn't have that 'shiny new' about it and it just wasn't quite what i would have expected him to buy. A few months later I went to meet him at his sister's house for drinks and she noticed my necklace and went potty. He had stolen it from her to give me.

I was mortified, gave it back and left . Me and BF had a huge argument and I ended it. I knew though - from the minute he gave it to me, that it wasn't his to give. I just felt it.

Talk to your DB, and make allowances for the fact that his instinct will be to defend her.

MyKingdomForBrie · 28/12/2017 16:20

Very intriguing! I’d say more likely she’s just scouted round at hers/her mum’s for old stuff they don’t want any more to save money (aka nick the money if your BIL gave her money). She must really be counting on you keeping quiet though!