Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

to think these gifts might be stolen?

184 replies

poopsqueak · 28/12/2017 11:21

(background) BIL has a new(1 yr) gf, she is a bit odd. She is about 34 and a carer. In the past he has gifted carefully thought out presents to ourselves and our daughter.

The first time that we met her, some things went missing from our house. It was new makeup that I had placed on a side table next to the sofa. I saw it there, then she sat down near it and an hour later it was gone. We looked all over the lounge for it all together, couldn't find it. I wasn't too bothered as not expensive but found it very strange and got a bit of a weird vibe. She also took two Kitkats from the biscuits offered around and put them in her bag without asking. She wasn't sneaky about that though just said 'oh I'll have these later' which is weird (IMO) but not a crime.

She told him that she would 'sort christmas this year'

DD is 5 and opened her presents yesterday. BIL and GF live a far away so the presents were not given in person but via a relative.

DD was thrilled to open a pair of Babyliss hair straighteners. now there are a few issues with this; A) totally inappropriate (dangerous) B) daughter has tight/afro hair so cant use them even if we let her C) box was very old and dusty and the packaging was like branding from the early noughties. It was unopened but had damp mould on it. We have had to tell DD she cant use them (for safety reasons) and she is upset. She was also given a bottle of Opium (perfume). Again, inappropriate for a 5yr old, and it was an old design bottle that was pretty beaten up. So far so puzzled.

DH opened his gifts and it was a Dove gift set that had been opened and an item removed (2 out of three were there) and a new bottle of BullDog facewash. Again puzzled about the incomplete gift set.

I opened my gift and was really shocked to find a pack of chestnut brown hair dye (I have blonde hair), some playboy perfume which had been opened and used and a DVD of the new Beauty and the beast, but without the plastic on the packaging or the leaflet inside.

I didnt really know what to say at that point to the relatives that delivered the gifts so just kind of looked confused and put them aside.

I got a strong vibe that they were someone elses stuff? they had been opened and used in some cases, and were such a random selection of things.

We arent planning on saying anything to them really, except maybe about the straighteners and the safety issue but I am really worried that she has taken these things from her clients. She looks after adults with learning disabilities and it would be a violation of their trust. I have no proof though so wonder if its best to just say nothing at all?

OP posts:

extinctspecies · 28/12/2017 12:22

And if your BIL is not aware of what the gifts were, I'd have a quiet word with him and ask if everything's OK with her.

strangerhoes · 28/12/2017 12:25

No idea but pm me if you want to sell the opuim!

ForagingForFaerieGold · 28/12/2017 12:26

it's possible she thought they were suitable and were all she could afford

A 34 yr old capable of holding a steady job thought these presents were suitable? I don't think so.

I would check if your brother gave her the money to sort these gifts as it clearly wasn’t spent on your presents!

This is a good point. She didn't actually HAVE to do the presents at all. She offered. You have to wonder why.

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 28/12/2017 12:32

If she's taking them from her clients that's a huge abuse of trust - and the items are stolen goods and evidence.

Will be interesting to hear what other family members get.

MichaelFabricantsHair · 28/12/2017 12:35

Sounds like the gifts an aunt of mine (dad's sister) used to gift me and my siblings in the 70s/80s. Usually bought at jumble sales, although she turned up one afternoon with a bag of hideous clothes and announced she'd found them in a skip in the layby they'd stopped at on their way to ours.
She was a hideous woman and as a teacher with a husband that was a company director, they weren't short of cash. I think she just hated us

SandAndSea · 28/12/2017 12:37

I think these sound more like car boot purchases than charity shop ones. I know a couple who spend all year scouring the car boots, going to them all religiously, and even bartering at length to get good deals. Nothing they give is new from a shop - it's all car booted. I go sometimes but only buy things I need which look like new. Some people's standards are different though and they get so into the 'bargains' that they don't realise how tatty etc some of the stuff is.

OnTheRise · 28/12/2017 12:41

I don't think she stole them. They're too crap for that. Where would she have stolen them from?

I also don't think they're charity shop finds as most charity shops don't sell toiletries or electrical goods. I bet they're things she had hanging around at home that she didn't want.

You can't say you're offended by them. But you can tell your BIL quietly that second-hand hair straighteners and perfume aren't appropriate for a small child, and quietly return them to him so he can see what you were given.

MsWanaBanana · 28/12/2017 12:43

Sounds like there may be MH issues here. Oh come on, but of a stretch. She's either just grabbed whatever she had lying around at home because she left it last min, or is tight and didn't want to pay for anything. Or, she's grabbed stuff from the charity shop. Or maybe a combination of both. Either way it's an inconsiderate thing to do, especially for your little one. Doesn't cost much to get a card and some stickers or a colouring set or something if you're stretched for cash. If she really is stealing, there's not much chance of you being able to get proof so no point in noting about it.

blueskyinmarch · 28/12/2017 12:48

Very weird gifts. If you know your BIL well enough maybe text him to say 'thanks for the gifts but what a strange selection especially for DD. Who was on the gift choosing?' See what he says. He may have no idea what she gave you.

jpclarke · 28/12/2017 12:51

I would also be worried about your brother. Did she take money off your brother for these presents?

Viviennemary · 28/12/2017 12:52

She sounds crackers. Don't have her in your house again. But don't say anything. I'd have nothing to do with her. Sounds deranged.

Finderscrispy · 28/12/2017 12:55

I would give her benefit of doubt and just assume she has very strange ideas on what constitutes an appropriate gift. The list did make me chuckle a bit, but some people are crap at choosing gifts.

I wouldn’t say how disgusted you are as a pp suggested, but I would query the sheer randomness of them with your brother.

ChilliMum · 28/12/2017 12:55

I think I would be tempted to text bil with faux concern that it looks like dds (poss all) gifts had been accidently mixed with someone else's and you are worried that another adult relative / older teen may have received presents for a 5yo

MrsWombat · 28/12/2017 12:55

I'm wondering if she's told your brother to give her £100 (or whatever) to cover the cost of the gifts, and she's got them something from a car boot sale and pocketed the difference? A bit strange she's didn't get your DD some sort of secondhand toy though.

Pearlsaringer · 28/12/2017 12:59

Definitely odd. You could suggest to your BIL that from her choice of gifts you wondered if she was struggling for money and see if that opens a conversation. You don’t want to humiliate her if she is genuine, but they do seem a rather random collection of items, especially as he has bought decent gifts in the past.

MillennialFalcon · 28/12/2017 13:01

I agree with PPs, it's unlikely that your BIL didn't contribute any money towards the gifts as he has bought thoughtful stuff for your family previously and from the condition of what you have received it doesn't seem like it was bought, even if it wasn't stolen but regifted from her attic or something. So where did the money go? Something is suspicious. I think you need to talk to your BIL, maybe don't go straight to accusations of theft but express concerns that the presents weren't safe (straighteners for a 5 year old and mould on packaging) if he gave his GF money to buy presents for the family then he'll hopefully put two and two together. Be diplomatic so you don't look like the bad guy but do say something, she is taking advantage and relying on you being too polite to question a present.

Mrsmadevans · 28/12/2017 13:02

Are you sure the gifts were the ones she sent?
Could the relative who transported the said 'gifts' have mislaid them?
Very odd indeed , I would tell BIL too.

c3pu · 28/12/2017 13:04

Where would she have nicked them from? The shop that sells old, dusty items?

Far more likely to be charity shop/car boot/regift job imo.

Zero2Hero · 28/12/2017 13:05

Car boot sale sounds very likely.

Pearlsaringer · 28/12/2017 13:06

Good point @Mrsmadevans are the relatives who delivered them reliable?

RatRolyPoly · 28/12/2017 13:13

Text dbro, "oh hey dbro, thanks for the gifts. Is there a chance dd got a gift meant for someone else though? Hair straighteners and Opium perfume? Hopefully there isn't someone out there who's received a Fingerling in error. If not, gosh, perfume! However will you top that next year?? Also didn't realise you'd always seen me as a brunette "

rcit · 28/12/2017 13:18

Just sling the whole lot in the bin and say next year let’s not do presents.

nutnerk · 28/12/2017 13:28

you need to know!

as he did so well in previous years something has gone wrong this year. I would argue that the hair dye is the weirdest present! Maybe just say 'ooh never considered going brunette - do you really think it will suit me?' and maybe that will open the conversation... if he replies "what are you on about" - then it's easy

EssentialHummus · 28/12/2017 13:33

Another vote for having a word with your brother.

Adelina15 · 28/12/2017 13:34

Exactly what extinctspecies said. Its entirely possible she would be happy to have these carboot sale gifts and presumed other people would also. Christmas is financial strain for many and she'd only met you once and wasnt even going to see you open the gifts.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8