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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to talk some sense into some people on here! (edited by MNHQ)

131 replies

Fattymcfaterson · 27/12/2017 22:07

Whilst this isn't a TAAT, it's been inspired by alot of posts I've seen lately, where a man cannot possibly be expected to look after his own children.
We seem to have husbands who can't feed their own children, feed them. Or even take them shopping.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
Who actually believes this shit? If my DH turned round and told me he couldnt possibly manage to dress the kids then I'd send him to the doctor, because that seems like a simple task for a grown man who manages to dress himself, drive, hold down a job. So there must be something wrong!!

Honestly

If you were hit by a bus and killed do you honestly believe that your children would be forever naked. Starved. Never bathed. Forever more? Because come on, some men just can't seem to get their heads around simple childcare tasks! One man earlier couldn't tell the difference between tights and leggings! Fucking ludicrous.

So come on, if you honestly believe this bullshit. Why are you with them? The lazy shites

OP posts:
Tinycitrus · 27/12/2017 23:12

I can see the sense if a woman is at home or working part time she will take on more responsibility for the children. Fair enough.

But I can’t stand the attitude that the DP or DH will automatically mess up childcare/housework etc. It engenders a sort of learned helplessness on his part and martyrdom on her part.

LineysRunner · 27/12/2017 23:24

I have not once blamed a woman for a man's behaviour

You just wanted to 'slap some sense' into them in your original thread title, OP. Nice.

LineysRunner · 27/12/2017 23:26

I couldn't personally bear a man who had Helplessness, but I don't want to 'slap some sense' into women either.

undertheradarplease · 27/12/2017 23:27

Dearest @cremefresh, you are a wise person (woman?). Is there an easy way to categorise our husbands?

My dh instantly hands our 3rd dc back to me as soon as it makes a noise and I feel he should not be so fucking clueless after having 3 babies . After obviously ruling out categories 4 & 5,what is his diagnosis?

Fattymcfaterson · 27/12/2017 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

alltheworld · 27/12/2017 23:38

My friend worked pt from home. Her dp worked ft outside the home, but just around the corner and was his own boss. One day she had a morning meeting in town so asked home to take the kids to school. As she was getting ready she noticed he had done nothing to get the kids ready for school. Oh said her dp, I thought you just wanted me to take them to school.

GreyMorning · 27/12/2017 23:40

As my husband says, tell me how to do it and I can help. He works out of the house, I work in the house. I couldn't do his job without training and so can't expect him to do mine without being show.

ShoesHaveSouls · 27/12/2017 23:41

I can see why OP used that that turn of phrase - it was a figure of speech wasn't it - surely we all know that.

OP wasn't literally suggesting we slap women - but just that- judging by threads on here, and the replies - there are a lot of women that put up with this useless behaviour by their Dh's/the fathers of their dc. It;s a valid point - I see it all the time, both in rl and on here.

CremeFresh · 27/12/2017 23:41

Undertheradar I think he comes under the category of 'div' . Grin

LineysRunner · 27/12/2017 23:44

I don't want to 'fuck off' thanks, OP. It's a talk board. I'm having a talk.

MotherCupboard · 27/12/2017 23:45

How does it figure that op is an arsehole for saying women should set some boundaries for how they want to be treated? Its true!

Maybe if fewer people of both sexes happily contributed to this popular media and cultural misconception that women are nags and men are useless, fewer women would shack up with lazy men.

But ultimately we are all responsible for our own choices. If a woman chooses to have kids with a lazy arse then sorry, but she's made her bed. If he turns into a lazy arse after she has the kids, she has the choice of whether to stay and put up with it, or not.

Lizzie48 · 27/12/2017 23:45

LimeysRunner, you're more irritating than the OP's original thread title. To use your own phrase, bore off yourself. Obviously the OP didn't mean it literally. Hmm

CremeFresh · 27/12/2017 23:46

GreyMorning do husbands need training to look after their children though ? Why? Why can't they work out what to do themselves ?

brizzledrizzle · 27/12/2017 23:48

IRL I was criticised a few months ago because the ex had a sick child for the weekend, he lives 10 minutes away and is the sick child's father. Apparently I should have kept sick child at home and looked after them myself.

Lizzie48 · 27/12/2017 23:49

I do think men are well capable of figuring it out. My DH is pretty good at looking after our DDs, including helping them get dressed. It's not rocket science.

LineysRunner · 27/12/2017 23:51

I'm like the act at end of the pier, Lizzie. I'm here all week.

Lizzie48 · 27/12/2017 23:54

But what's the point of carrying on with the attack on the OP? Yes you've made your point, but actually it's irrelevant now, as a lot of us haven't seen the original title

LineysRunner · 27/12/2017 23:56

brizzle, it's a crap culture, isn't it? It's like women can't win one way or the other - and the legions of enablers are always on the horizon, champing away.

CremeFresh · 28/12/2017 00:00

Brizzle it makes me mad . My ex used to phone me when it was his weekend to have DD and ask me what to do because she'd been sick. It was actually code for 'can you come and get her' Angry

BattleCunt · 28/12/2017 00:03

Ironically, my partner is a much better parent than his ex wife, who is in fact a totally useless shitehawk.

Weezol · 28/12/2017 00:04

My now XMIL took a huge amount of pleasure in telling me her son couldn't even heat a tin of soup so I would 'have to do all the cooking because he's useless'.
One week after moving in together he produced a truly delicious Sunday roast, complete with home made Yorkshires, having looked in a recipe book and built himself a 'how to' excel page to calculate all the timings.
At the age of 28 he discovered that he was a brilliant cook and went on to develop a wide repertoire.
Turns out his mother was a kitchen gatekeeper who used food to control her husband and son.

oliveinacampervan · 28/12/2017 00:18

@fattymcfatterson

So you can stop harping on about it now, and maybe add to the discussion? Or fuck off? Eithers fine with me. Grin

Well aren't YOU a charmer?

@fattymcfatterson

you can put the pitchforks down now

Oh how pathetic. FFS get a grip! Hmm Just coz people weren't cooing and lol-ing at your ridiculous thread and its awful title. Hmm

So you got MN to edit it, big deal. You still said it in the first place!

ShoesHaveSouls · 28/12/2017 00:19

This is the shit women deal with all the time.

Tinycitrus · 28/12/2017 00:22

I suggest the rest of thread is used to burn the op Hmm

BrownLiverSpot · 28/12/2017 00:25

This thread reminds me of an article on male infertility where they said there isn't much research or information available yet but they felt pretty sure once research was available it would turn out to be the mother's fault... Why are the women always to blame for everything? Are men really that useless? The men I've met are more than capable of figuring out things like job, finances, childcare, housework etc.....