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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A month to arrange a funeral...?

121 replies

juls1888 · 27/12/2017 16:17

DH's DGM died on 19 December (elderly with a terminal illness so no post mortem etc.). The funeral directors advised on 20 December that they couldn't meet DGF until today due to the Christmas holidays (understandable). They have now advised that the funeral can't be held until 19 January! The issue we have is that they are in Portsmouth and we are in Glasgow so totally don't know if that is the norm for that area or if this funeral director is unusually slow/busy/whatever. I feel it is heartbreaking for his poor DGF to be hanging about for a month with no closure or able to move on the start dealing with his grief. Is there anyone in Portsmouth or surrounding areas able to advise if this is normal or not?

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 27/12/2017 16:18

It’s not unusual at this time of year in my experience, I’m sure if they could do it any quicker, they would

user1471450061 · 27/12/2017 16:19

I really don't understand this thing about burying a person a month or so after they die. 3/4 days max here. UK does seem fairly standard to have a long wait.

Orangeseed · 27/12/2017 16:19

3 weeks for my dad last year, it was the crematorium which was busy causing the delay.

Sofabitch · 27/12/2017 16:19

We are near Portsmouth and it was 3.5 weeks for my grandfather this summer.

Sirzy · 27/12/2017 16:21

Where is the funeral being held? That will have a big impact. It isn’t unusual here for it to be 4-6 weeks for a crematorium service due to how busy they are. Churches are generally quicker but vicar and undertaker availability still plays a part of course.

Sorry for your loss

Sofabitch · 27/12/2017 16:21

And that was expected so no post mortem to add to the wait. It was the crematorium space that held things up so much.

SimultaneousEquation · 27/12/2017 16:22

This time of year is very busy for funeral directors and crematoria. There’s the fact that people don’t tend to have funerals right next to Christmas, or in between Christmas and New Year, so there’s a bit of a backlog. Added to that, there is something of a spike in deaths among the elderly just after Christmas.

Floralnomad · 27/12/2017 16:22

Not unusual at all unfortunately . Sorry for your loss .

expatinscotland · 27/12/2017 16:22

If it's cremation, the hold up will likely be the crematorium.

Floellabumbags · 27/12/2017 16:23

I'm sorry for your lossFlowers. Sadly, at this time of year it can take ages. There's a large rise in the number of deaths during winter and bank holidays to contend with.

MadamePince · 27/12/2017 16:23

We had to wait 6 weeks for my MIL this time last year, but only 10 days for my dad in March , very much depends on area and how busy the cremation is

I'm sorry for you loss

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 27/12/2017 16:24

Not Portsmouth but my Gran's took 2 days shy of a month back in November. The crem was really busy. My MILs in 2011 took a month & 3 days due to the crem (a different one) being very busy. A month seems to be about the norm.

PinkHeart5914 · 27/12/2017 16:25

When my uncle died we had to wait 3 and 1/2 weeks for a ‘slot’ at the Crematorium. Admittedly that wasn’t in Portsmouth though.

Fil died not too long ago and again that was a 4 week wait, sadly a lot of people had died at the same time and the creamatoruim was busy so it was just waiting for a ‘slot’

Weezol · 27/12/2017 16:26

My nana died on new years day. We're Irish Catholic in England and had to wait three weeks to bury her which for us is a very long wait.

There's no nice way to say this so please know I'm not wanting to cause hurt or upset. DGM is in a queue because of closures over Christmas and new year. It really is that simple.

lonelymelissa · 27/12/2017 16:27

My mum died last month, the funeral was 7 days afterwards. I'm glad it wasn't any longer.

Original poster
juls1888 · 27/12/2017 16:28

Thanks very much for the confirmation, even delays up here are so much less than that so it just seemed really unlikely to us. Poor DGF (and everyone else) will just have to sit it out until then.

Thanks so much for the kind wishes, it's bad enough dealing with a bereavement let alone at this time of year. It's been horrendously sad.

OP posts:
PanPanPanPing · 27/12/2017 16:30

I think it's quite usual, these days, that a funeral can be between 2-4 weeks after the death.

ButchyRestingFace · 27/12/2017 16:31

It was nearly 3 weeks for my mother’s. I’m in the Central Belt and it was a sudden death over a holiday period.

Much suckage abounds because then you get you get the constant phone calls and texts to contend with in the interim, ”when’s the funeral? When’s the funeral? When’s the funeral?” (I’ve already told you I can’t plan anything until I get the PM results). Hmm

It’s a hard time and the long wait for the funeral only makes it worse. Flowers

MadisonAvenue · 27/12/2017 16:33

Quite normal where I live. We've run out of burial space around here so, unless there's a reserved plot in a cemetery, all funerals have to be at a crematorium. This causes quite a delay between the death and the funeral which always seems to me to make a difficult time even worse.

Caulk · 27/12/2017 16:35

I work for the CofE and it’s very normal. We recommend people have a memorial if they need something quicker and then a private cremation when a slot comes up.

Clickncollect · 27/12/2017 16:36

So sorry for your loss x
It was a month to the day when my Dad died on 28th December last year and seems to be quite standard timingswise.

19lottie82 · 27/12/2017 16:37

I’m in Glasgow too and in my experience funerals always take longer in England. Plus the Christmas backlog will add to the delay.
Sorry for your loss.

Loonoonow · 27/12/2017 16:40

We live in Greater London and 3 weeks is quite usual so 4 weeks with the Christmas break seems understandable.

I have always wondered how Jews/Muslims in the UK manage to arrange the speedier ceremonies that are requirements of their faith.

lalalalyra · 27/12/2017 16:40

We had a death in the family just before Easter and it took 2 weeks, so a month with 2 bank holidays doesn't surprise me at all. Especially in winter when there are more funerals anyway.

ivykaty44 · 27/12/2017 16:42

There just aren’t enough crematoriums in the uk to cope with the demand. Added to that many people don’t want unpopular time slots due to travel logistics or for other reasons

My last funeral was on Friday the 13th as the widow was told there were plenty of soaces that day or wait another week or two