A month to arrange a funeral...?

[juls1888]

DH's DGM died on 19 December (elderly with a terminal illness so no post mortem etc.). The funeral directors advised on 20 December that they couldn't meet DGF until today due to the Christmas holidays (understandable). They have now advised that the funeral can't be held until 19 January! The issue we have is that they are in Portsmouth and we are in Glasgow so totally don't know if that is the norm for that area or if this funeral director is unusually slow/busy/whatever. I feel it is heartbreaking for his poor DGF to be hanging about for a month with no closure or able to move on the start dealing with his grief. Is there anyone in Portsmouth or surrounding areas able to advise if this is normal or not?

I have always wondered how Jews/Muslims in the UK manage to arrange the speedier ceremonies that are requirements of their faith.

Burials can often be done much quicker than cremations.

It is understandable at this time of year, and with the bank holidays too.
We had a bereavement at start of December and had to wait almost 3 weeks for the funeral.
More people die at this time of year, especially the elderly and I know how hard it is to be in limbo all this time.
I'm so sorry for your loss

It was five weeks for a relative of mine back in the summer. Much too long.

I think it's relatively usual, OP, but maybe it's possible to speed things up. Is it appropriate for you to call the funeral director?

Hello OP, we are in a very similar position. DMIL died before Christmas and the funeral will be three weeks later so we’ve also had to get through the festive season. It has, on reflection, been time to do some private grieving and planning for the funeral she would have wanted ( and she was very precise!)

The first week or so we just cried all the time and that would have made the funeral very difficult to handle. We are calmer now. She, too had a long term terminal illness.

In terms of organising it more quickly I understand that very early and late slots at the crematorium are unpopular and may be possible to arrange at short notice. However we are doing church first then cremation so we are waiting. DFIL has been very stoical about it all. Other cultures do find this whole system incredibly difficult to comprehend but as it isi can’t see a way of speeding things up very much.

Better to get it right than quick. One way of looking at it when you have no choice?

sorry for your loss.

To answer the question about other faiths; their burial societies are geared up for a quick response, the coroner works out of hours to expedite it and the burial spaces are ready and waiting. The funeral service is also proscribed so no decisions to make, orders of service to print, flowers to order etc.

smug comments about how it is different outside the UK seem to be a new MN thing. We have 70 million people and facilities for 50 million, and that includes not enough crematoria.

That's a normal wait round here, it's the slots at the crematorium.

In fact, my friend was in a similar situation last year and they had to wait until the end of January.

I'm afraid it's usual at this time of year. We lost dgm last year and the funeral took a few weeks

My Dad died 15th November, first available date for funeral was 22 December, this was 2 years ago.

My Nan died Christmas Day and funeral was 15th January.

To register the death after my Dad died, was 7 days until the next available appointment and we couldn't arrange funeral without the death being registered. We had to provisionally book the first free date after his death which was 3 weeks then had to cancel it until December.

It always shocks me when I read these threads, it must be terribly stressful for the family of the deceased. Where I live it would be three days maximum, and the only days that would be off limits for a funeral would probably be Christmas day and Easter Sunday.

That's not a smug comment, just the truth.

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

You also have to wait a few days for a cremation to be signed off. Post Shipman, more paperwork has to be done. It doesn't have to be done for a burial.

My father died last year and his funeral (also in Hampshire) took place 22 days later.

My mum's funeral last year was about four weeks after her death. Easter was in the way which complicated it - similar to Christmas in this case OP.

I think it's completely normal, esp if (as we did) you want church AND cream, it's about finding a suitable date.

At least this way you have time to let everyone know, sort out a wake etc.Sorry for your and DH's loss.

It always shocks me when I read these threads, it must be terribly stressful for the family of the deceased. Where I live it would be three days maximum, and the only days that would be off limits for a funeral would probably be Christmas day and Easter Sunday.

I think it depends what you're used to, though. I've never been to a funeral that was less than three weeks after the death, and to me the idea of trying to arrange a funeral, get everyone together, and be ready for the event three days after a death seems horribly stressful.

When my father passed away on Halloween last year, we couldn’t get a meeting with the funeral directors till a week and 2 days later, and the actual funeral ended up being December 2nd, so a month doesn’t surprise me at all. The crematorium that the funeral was held at also runs on shorter hours in winter, so even with slightly shorter services than in summer, they probably do less per day.

I would also advice anyone reading this thread to find out the processes and paper work you will be looking at when the time comes

Better to do that now than when you’ve just lost someone dear and your in a state.

When my mum passed away in hospital I asked the nurse to book an appointment with the registration service straight away - thus we didn’t have to return to the city- as a death must be registered in the district it occurred not your home or the deceased home town.

We collected the death certificate and then went to the undertakers

By doing this we had the funeral two weeks later at a lunch time prime slot. I didn’t want things to drag out but on a practical level I was nearing the end of my pregnancy

Check out the course of events at a time when your not distressed

Jewish funerals are arranged through burial societies affiliated to synagogues so that arrangements can be made very quickly. Synagogue membership fees cover burial costs for their congregation. Bank holidays delay registering a death but the other arrangements are put in place ready for when the registry office reopens. I imagine that Muslim communities have similar arrangements through their mosques and communities.

Sorry to hear about your DHs grandmother, OP. I hope your family are all ok.

My Grandad died in 2012, at the very start of April.

He wasn't cremated until the very end of April. Easter got in the way, so that was about four weeks (this was in London)

Standard I think.

Sorry to hear of your bereavement OP.
One way to gauge funeral waiting times is to look at the deaths column in the local paper - the announcements tend to have date of death and date of funeral.
A few decades ago a week's turnaround was fairly standard, in my experience, but it's crept up over the years because of crematorium availability.

In Glasgow, where the OP is, two weeks would be about the norm for this time of year, and is considered a long time to have to wait. I have extended family in the London area, and a month seems to be not unusual there.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Ivykaty, unfortunately I've had to help my mum arrange three funerals in the last eighteen months, despite doing everything at the earliest possible opportunity it's still been around or over three weeks each time, there's no way to go any faster round here

DH’s cousin died on 14 th December, just heard funeral will be 23rd January. Been a hard time for his immediate family. No arrangements could be made till the death was registered. Appointments need to be booked to see Registrar these days. Just takes far too long.

In Glasgow, where the OP is, two weeks would be about the norm for this time of year, and is considered a long time to have to wait.

There was a two week wait at Daldowie at Easter this year so I wouldn't be surprised if it was longer at Christmas with two bank holidays.

There was a two week wait at Daldowie at Easter this year so I wouldn't be surprised if it was longer at Christmas with two bank holidays.

And a 3 week wait in Glasgow earlier this year.

I was told that the centralisation of post mortems to the Queen Elizabeth has resulted in longer waiting times.

In my part of the world this is normal espesh around this time of the year and if it is cremation. Burial seems to be 2-3 weeks but cremation seems to be at least a month , SEWales area.