How will you be as a MIL?

[Partridgeinabeartree]

With all the hatred for MILs on here, I can't help wondering "how will you be as a MIL?" Perfect no doubt!

I will be at a distance. I will wait for an invitation, and if they want any help with DGC they will need to say so.

I will not be dashing up to the hospital if I get word that DDIL has gone into labour. I will wait for news at home.

I have no desire to interfere or make suggestions but I will be there if I am required.

Sparklingbrook

You'd be labelled on here as not interested, uncaring, unsupportive, distant and never there when you're needed.

I get on quite well with my MIL I think she keeps generally a good balance between being kind and helpful but not too interfering. She sometimes puts her foot in it but not very often and I find it's more that she doesn't think rather than anything malicious she just likes to talk... so I guess I will try my best to be like her.

That's fine by me. If they need me they can say. I will hopefully have my own life too.

I can't assume they will be living up the road. They might emigrate to Australia or something.

I hope I shall keep my distance, and only stay over night when asked to babysit late.

My ex-mil hassled me to the point of sitting in my car on the ridgeway, wrapped in a blanket with the car radio for company on Boxing Day because she was just so venomous & I couldn't stand it any more.
Unfortunately a passing policeman saw me and decided I was a Suicide risk, when all I wanted was some peace

I would rather not be a mil than make anyone that miserable.

I won't constantly tell my DDIL that I see DGC as my own and call him by DSs name all the time

I will take note to remember that Dil is a person in her own right long before dc arrive. To remember that it is important to build a meaningful relationship with any potential Dil, without making the presumption that I can treat Dil as a second class citizen, but then expect to be treated like a trusted best friend when DC's finally arrive.
That she is more than just a womb.

Greystar I wonder how often she thinks you've put your foot in it?

Nice, I hope

I will definitely not be buying any DGC clothes.

Perfect.

I started this thread because I'm heartily sick of the continual threads knocking MILs.

Are DILs really so far up their own arses? It would appear so.

I am a mil of sorts, they weren't married and have now spilt up but are doing their best for their ds . Tbh it's harder being a mil than a dm in many ways!
It was hard to remain impartial though I did manage!! Hard watching my ds be a Disney Df and biting my tongue! And hard keeping civil to dil while she is horrific to my ds and using dgs as a 'pay per view item'.

I tend to hide any MIL threads. they don't resemble anything I have encountered in RL.

I no longer have my ILs but we got along fine. The only sticking point was that when the DC were newborns there were some different ideas, because MIL had children in the sixties/seventies and things have changed.

I'd hope to be a better one than the last one I had!! I take a leaf out of my own folks' book - take a great interest in the grandkids without being overbearing. Offer advice on things being discussed without making it a 'my way or the highway' situation. And realise that as grown ups my kids can make their own life choices!

Probably a bitch that doesn't think anyone is good enough for my son.
I hope to be the perfect mom, mother in law, grandparent. But who knows how I'll react when the time comes.

I will definitely be buying clothes! I will be indulgent and friendly but I expect to still be working when my DGC are born so I guess I will be a bit less present than some MIL.

I aim to be bloody generous tho. I would like to provide lots of treats, lunches out, etc.

The clothes will most likely be wrong, I didn't really like any of the clothes other people bought for my babies if I am honest. I could take DIL and DS shopping so they can choose.

Partridge you need to chill.

People use this place as an advice forum for when there is dysfunction and doesn't necessarily mean they are talking about you. If you can still see yourself or your situation in the stories that are being told you could consider not reading them if you don't like what you are reading.

I will model myself on my own lovely MIL, who in turn modeled herself on her MIL - doesn't interfere, helps out, loves all grandchildren (including step grandchildren) equally - doesn't play favourites, wasn't in competition with my family, doesn't have any rules about always spending christmas or some holiday in a particular way. She genuinely likes all her dils (and we are all very very different but she finds something to like in all of us). I count my MIL as a dear friend.

One calls me a best friend, one is low contact....I’m the same person...

I will be imperfect (as are all people) but nice and a laugh, like my MIL is - like I hope I already am. I will buy clothes that say I love daddy and I love mummy, like my MIL did. I will offer to watch the kids while the parents go Santa shopping, like MIL does. I will include my DIL like my MIL does.

Like sparklingbrook I think - uninterfering and pragmatic . They're adults and need to look after themselves and run their own lives free from interference from me . That's not to say I wouldn't offer advice .

I'm a MIL and don't particularly get on well with DIL, it's not a situation I wanted but hey ho, it's too late to turn the clock back. We are chalk and cheese. I had a brilliant relationship with my MIL, far better than my mother