How will you be as a MIL?

[Partridgeinabeartree]

With all the hatred for MILs on here, I can't help wondering "how will you be as a MIL?" Perfect no doubt!

Don't get me wrong I love my mil she's a gem most of the time but she can be such hard work giving advice that is seriously outdated and making spot judgements based on previous things but I do love her, I talk to her more than my dh does and I don't resent her or have any negative connotations, she's a bit old fashioned and that's all x

I will be opposite to how my Mil is. Ie ask, be respectful, respect boundaries, understand my dc have thier own tastes and life etc. Easy.

Yeah I won’t be doing regular childcare, I see too many working contemporaries treating their DPs / DPILs like shit over stupid stuff like nap times even though they are getting whole days of childcare for free.

Evening babysitting though, and descending with hot chocolate and Disney before a late bedtime - count me in

I want to be there for my kids and grandkids I really do but it seems rare that family childcare works well without either pain or resentment on one side or another.

Wow Candyfloss you sum up perfectly how my MIL treated me.

She doesn’t bother with her own kids and never has done. Consequently never bothered with me, fine.

However, when I had my daughter out of the blue, she was all over me and expected me to make room for her in my life and it didn’t wash with me!

I'll be... astonished.

(Maybe I should have more faith in my offspring?)

Well, the thing is that people can be cunts whether they're MILs, DILs, SBILs or whatever.

Some people are lovely, others are just dicks whom you've got to handle carefully, and vent away somewhere safe so as not to murser them over dinner.

Generalising just won't help!

I would try to be welcoming and kind from the start and most importantly get to know he or she as an individual. Not just know them as my children's other half or surrogate for MY future grandchildren.

That's exactly how I feel about mine, she's polite and says how are you but then ignores my response every single time. In general conversation I have her ears for all of two seconds before she ignores me again and then wonders why I don't let her watch dc because she lacks the attention span to listen to me about what I'm comfortable with and not comfortable with.

@fluffbear we must have the same mil!

When my dh comes to my family home, he has genuine interest taken in his life, asked questions, dp know all about his family etc.. They have a rapport built up. They get drinks in he likes, they know he doesn't like tea. They don't offer him tea.
When I go to In laws... We are always starting from ground zero. "oh, so why are you going to x country again" when it's been said repeatedly that I have family there. " would you like gin, when I hate gin
Never ever ever asking about our family.

It's bizarre. Mil couldn't care less