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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Visiting dogs

117 replies

chockaholic72 · 26/12/2017 15:49

I've got family visiting for the day for the first time over Christmas, and between them they have three dogs, which they've assumed they are able to bring. I don't mind this - the carpet is going to be cleaned after Christmas, and they have done a lot for me over the past few years, and to them, dogs are part of their family.

I've got a fair bit of new furniture, and have asked that they don't let the dogs on the new sofas. They've agreed to this but it it's obvious that they think I am being unreasonable. My niece told me that there has been a fair bit of discussion about it on the phone, and one family member said that she'll bring throws to put on the sofas so it should be fine.

It isn't fine. I don't want the dogs on the furniture. I'll keep the doors shut upstairs, so they can go anywhere else in the house and garden. The dogs are spoilt, and pandered to, and although I don't agree with it, that's their choice. But, my house, my rules, and I wish they would respect that. Am I being unreasonable? If I say the dogs can't come then they probably won't come either, and as they've done a lot for me, including having me every Christmas Day (my parents are dead), I would like to give them a nice day and nice meal to say thank you.

OP posts:

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 16:13

I think it is unreasonable to expect a non dog household to put up with 3 dogs, I have been a dog owner and I'd never take them with me if invited to someones house for a meal
but you cant reason with these people who see their dogs through rose tinted specs

GlitteryFluff · 26/12/2017 16:14

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.
I’d make it clear dogs aren’t allowed on furniture. Then if the owners don’t co-operate I’d just remove the dogs from the sofa each time they get on.
If it was continuous I’d say I’m gonna shut them in the kitchen/garden/dining room/whatever for a bit if owners can’t stop them.

NewLove · 26/12/2017 16:15

I agree with you - you were being very accommodating accepting the dogs as a non dog owner. I have dogs and don't allow them on the furniture - you are not being unreasonable

Sparklingbrook · 26/12/2017 16:18

That's too many dogs. Do the dogs even get along? There will be dog hair all over the place and muddy paws in and out of the house.

Sofabitch · 26/12/2017 16:21

The hard part is that if the dogs have alwsys been allowed on the sofas then they won't understand.

I can't imagine there will be room for the dogs with eveyone sitting down anyway.

JaimeLannister · 26/12/2017 16:23

I adore my dogs and they are welcome on my furniture but I'm not so precious to think other people want their hairy bums on theirs. Especially a dog free home. I wouldn't even let them.

It will not hurt the dogs to sit on the floor.

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 16:24

what sort of dogs are we talking about here OP?

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 16:25

It will not hurt the dogs to sit on the floor
but the fur babies will feel rejected and inferior if they cant sit on the sofa with their mummies and daddies

Sparklingbrook · 26/12/2017 16:26

It will be like this OP.

harrietsoton · 26/12/2017 16:27

Lol I can’t believe that you said no dogs on furniture and they said that they willl just bring a throw? How about they just keep them off the furniture as you asked

juneau · 26/12/2017 16:28

YANBU. I wouldn't have dogs in my house tbh, so I think you're being exceptionally accommodating to have them at all. The owners are BVU to think they can just dictate what happens when they arrive. If they're only coming for the day why are they bringing them anyway? I'd shut them one easy to clean room, if it were me - ideally a boot room!

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 16:31

get your own pet :o

musicposy · 26/12/2017 16:33

I think the problem for them will be that if the dogs are usually allowed on furniture, you'll all have a really stressful day constantly telling the dogs to get off.

Having said that, it's not at all unreasonable not to want them on your furniture and you're being very accomodating as it is. So I don't have an easy answer.

TatterdemalionAspie · 26/12/2017 16:34

they've done a lot for me, including having me every Christmas Day (my parents are dead), I would like to give them a nice day and nice meal to say thank you.

If you really, honestly want to give them a nice day, then suck it up, accept that the throws will protect the sofas, and let them feel comfortable in your home. Otherwise, explain that you're not comfortable with it, let them stay at home with their dogs where they can all feel comfortable, and suggest that you take them out for a nice meal at a restaurant or something to say thank you for them having you for past Christmases. Or find a dog-friendly pub, maybe.

We couldn't relax somewhere for a day where our dog wasn't allowed to sit on our laps/get on the sofa, because she's an idiot and will only calm down when she's on our laps/in close contact with us. She's allowed on the furniture at home, so she totally wouldn't understand that she's not allowed in someone else's home, and I'd be constantly on edge that she'd jump up and offend our host. I would honestly rather not go at all than spend the time monitoring and chiding the dog. If I shut her in another room, she would howl and bark constantly. She can't be left alone at home for long because she has separation anxiety and stress can bring on her pancreatitis.

You clearly disapprove of their relationship with their dogs and don't like the dogs, so why not find an alternative venue to socialise with them, rather than risking your feelings being obvious when they visit you?

JustBeingJobless · 26/12/2017 16:35

YANBU. I have a dog but she’s not allowed upstairs or on furniture. Visiting dogs aren’t either and I think it’s incredibly rude and disrespectful for anybody to think it’s ok to go against your wishes.

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 16:39

suggest that you take them out for a nice meal at a restaurant
I would do that, or would they expect the restaurant to provide seating for the dogs?

Maelstrop · 26/12/2017 16:39

YANBU. I don’t allow my dog on the furniture so visions dogs aren’t allowed either. I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to bring dogs to someone:s house. I just wouldn’t do it.

TatterdemalionAspie · 26/12/2017 16:40

Having said that, they shouldn't have just assumed that they could bring their dogs if you hadn't said so. It's pretty common that people don't want dogs in their home/on their furniture.

TatterdemalionAspie · 26/12/2017 16:41

You clearly know absolutely fuck all about dogs, ohfortuna, so what are you hoping to contribute, really?

Gillian1980 · 26/12/2017 16:42

Yanbu.
Loads of dog owners don’t allow their dogs on the furniture, so guests expecting them to be allowed on furniture when visiting is rude and presumptuous.

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 16:43

You clearly know absolutely fuck all about dogs, ohfortuna, so what are you hoping to contribute, really
poor you, your dog sounds like a massive pain in the arse, no wonder you're stressed and irritable

Tistheseason17 · 26/12/2017 16:46

Wow, they are proper CFs!
YANBU
I had a friend turn up with a dog (unexpected) to our new house. Dog stayed outside as it was a lovely day. I'm allergic to cat/dog saliva. Friendship survived.
My DD tried to get me to accept his GF dog in our house. Er, no. I'm allergic and asthmatic and a visiting dog leaves but its spit covered hair gets bloody everywhere!

It's only when I was admitted to Resusc following a severe attack they believed me! It's not mentioned any more!

These people are proper CF to talk behind your back about how to ignore your wishes. Bigger them. Go out for a meal!

Tistheseason17 · 26/12/2017 16:47

*b°gger! Damn auto correct!

Eryri1981 · 26/12/2017 16:50

I've just got back from Christmas with the in laws, mil is not a doggy person and has very little understanding of dogs, and unrealistic expectations. My dog is only just 1 year old (so still a pup) and therefore still high energy and learning, he also is allowed on the sofa at home (on a throw). Mil also has trinkets (tat) everywhere, which puppy thinks is great fun!!!

Trying to get him to meet mil's unrealistic standards for dog behaviour, is just stressful for everyone, including the dog, and makes me reluctant to visit as much and stay as long.

Whilst I understand that you might think a dogs place is on the floor, doing battle with the dog the entire time it is there, will just be exhausting for you and its owner, and will leave the dog unable to settle (which will make the dogs harder work).

Personally I think the throw on the sofa is a happy compromise. Also pick up anything "interesting" from doggy level before their arrival, and I'm sure things will go much more smoothly.

TheVanguardSix · 26/12/2017 16:55

Our dog isn't allowed on the sofa.
Your relatives are B totally U.

However, to avoid flames, just put down sheets/duvet covers. That's what I did yesterday for friend's dog who is allowed on the sofa. If a dog can go on the sofa at home, then all sofas are 'go'. The dog won't be able to understand that it's not ok to go on your sofa, so the best thing you can do is protect your furniture.

It's lame but it's a peaceful compromise.

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