Visiting dogs

[chockaholic72]

I've got family visiting for the day for the first time over Christmas, and between them they have three dogs, which they've assumed they are able to bring. I don't mind this - the carpet is going to be cleaned after Christmas, and they have done a lot for me over the past few years, and to them, dogs are part of their family.

I've got a fair bit of new furniture, and have asked that they don't let the dogs on the new sofas. They've agreed to this but it it's obvious that they think I am being unreasonable. My niece told me that there has been a fair bit of discussion about it on the phone, and one family member said that she'll bring throws to put on the sofas so it should be fine.

It isn't fine. I don't want the dogs on the furniture. I'll keep the doors shut upstairs, so they can go anywhere else in the house and garden. The dogs are spoilt, and pandered to, and although I don't agree with it, that's their choice. But, my house, my rules, and I wish they would respect that. Am I being unreasonable? If I say the dogs can't come then they probably won't come either, and as they've done a lot for me, including having me every Christmas Day (my parents are dead), I would like to give them a nice day and nice meal to say thank you.

She is, ohfortuna, but we love her, and she doesn't stress us out because we'd much rather be at home with her than out socialising with someone like you.

Forgot to add. Assuming your guest will be arriving by car, don't be afraid to order a doggy time out (for one or more of the dogs) if they are getting too much, and banish them for a nap in the car. My dog, being young, gets over stimulated in unusual places, so we some times put him in the car for a break, and obviously with it being winter, with no risk of overheating, this would definitely not be an unreasonable request.

You are already being very accomodating and they are being cheeky wotsits. And I say that as a huge dog lover and ex dog owner. I bet they call their dogs "fur babies" too don't they!

“which they've assumed they are able to bring.”

Nobody assumes they can bring a dog to our house. If your visitors think you are being unreasonable by not letting their dogs on your furniture I would be rethinking again about inviting them, or arranging to meet them somewhere neutral, or I would be making a sarcastic point of covering all my furniture with bin liners or polythene sheeting underneath throws to get my point across.

In this case it is very much your house your rules. Why can’t you visit one of them in their house instead?

“We couldn't relax somewhere for a day where our dog wasn't allowed to sit on our laps/get on the sofa”

I wouldn’t be inviting you with your dog to my house in that case. Why can’t some dog owners understand that most non dog owners ans some dog owners don’t like dogs on the furniture?

“Trying to get him to meet mil's unrealistic standards for dog behaviour”

Eryri1981 your MIL’s expectations aren’t unrealistic. You are very lucky she allowed you to bring your dog. You could have put him in kennels.

I like dogs, and grew up with them, but they are animals not humans and should sleep on the floor or in their own bed.

Yadnbu. Just stick to your guns and try not to care what they think of it. I have the same rules in my house.

Thanks for all replies - I can see both sides to the situation. I accept I'm one of those weird people who thinks that people are more important than animals but realise that's not the case for everyone - for some, dogs are family.

We'd like the day in my house as we have two Christmas get togethers - one fairly formal and the other more relaxed, which is this one, with a picky tea and games etc, so a restaurant wouldn't work. The dogs do get on, but when they are together, one (a terrier type) disrupts the others when they are having a rest. It's going to be a bit of a squeeze as it is, and to be honest I'd rather humans sat on the sofas rather than dogs - I went to the loo yesterday and came back to a dog in my spot. I was told I'd have to sit on the floor as the dog was "settled" (!).

I guess the underlying thing is that I don't like the way animals (and I'm not an animal hater, just ambivalent) seem to dictate the way things are, and I don't want that to happen in my own home. I'm not going to use covers, I really don't want them on the sofas and that's non-negotiable. I think I am going to ask them to take the dogs for a run around the park when they get here, to burn off a bit of energy, and to ask them to bring their beds so that I can put them somewhere quiet and hope that they use them as a bit of a breakout area. The rest of the time I'll just have to nag if I see it happening 😀

“We couldn't relax somewhere for a day where our dog wasn't allowed to sit on our laps/get on the sofa” I wouldn’t be inviting you with your dog to my house in that case. Why can’t some dog owners understand that most non dog owners ans some dog owners don’t like dogs on the furniture?

If you invited me and my dog to your house, Lonicera, I would explain the situation and politely decline. Where did I say, or imply, that I expect people who don't like dogs to have our dog there? I totally understand that most people don't want dogs on their furniture, and that many people don't want dogs in their house at all (two of my closest friends, for instance). I only go to visit them when there's someone available to be at home with my dog. Otherwise, if they want to see me, they come and visit me.

Sorry if I wasn't clear, but when I said I couldn't relax somewhere where the dog wasn't as welcome as we were, I meant that we would prefer not to go - not that we would take the dog and let her on our host's furniture! Even when invited, I would still make sure that the dog was clean (bathed before and carried from the car so dry feet) and only sat on our laps or a throw. I'm not big on socialising anyway, though, frankly, so not being able to go somewhere isn't some big hardship. If someone doesn't want a dog in their home, then they can come to us, or we can meet somewhere like a pub (which is unfamiliar to the dog and it therefore doesn't generalise what it expects to be allowed to do in the same way as in a home), or we go to them when we have a dog-sitter.

I went to the loo yesterday and came back to a dog in my spot. I was told I'd have to sit on the floor as the dog was "settled" (!).

They are loons, and I hope you told them so!

I never, ever allow other people's dogs in my house. Partly this is because my dog would go mad and try to kill the visiting dog, but also because I let a friend bring hers dogs round once.

The first thing the dogs did was to piss on the corner of my sofa. Friend simpered about them "marking their territory" but didn't make any move to clean up after them. Dogs(who were almost bouncing off the walls by this point and had already broken a couple of things) and friend were invited to leave.

Now I think about it, when we moved house (military family, moved a lot) it wasn't uncommon for our dogs to wee on something as soon as they went into the new house, so maybe that might be something you have to think about too.
Unless it's a service dog, I find it really odd that people would think it's okay to take their pets to other people's houses, especially if they aren't prepared to follow the rules of the house.

TatterdemalionAspie do you never, ever leave your dog at home alone for even a couple of hours? What about work, going shopping, visiting the doctor or dentist?

The thing is, chock, it's not that I'd think my dog had a right to sit on your sofa, I absolutely wouldn't, it's that I know she would jump up on the sofa whenever I wasn't actively watching and closely monitoring her. She'd do that because that's what she's used to being allowed to do, and although I'd tell her to get straight off, she'd still be liable to do it whenever my attention wavered. So I'd feel awkward if she managed to do that when I knew you'd be unhappy about it, and wouldn't be able to relax (bit like having a toddler, basically) in case she misbehaved. To me, I'd just rather not do it in the first place, though as I say, my disinclination to go to social stuff might be colouring my thinking on that. On the other hand, I know she'd settle on my lap or on a throw beside me, and be no trouble.

But I would never assume my dog is welcome somewhere, and as for letting it take up a seat that a someone needs - that's just bonkers!

I love that some people say it's a good compromise for a rug on the couch...
Seriously?
The compromise is OP (who does not have dogs) is actually letting your dogs in!

Stick to your guns OP and let us know how it goes.

You spent your hard earned money on your furniture for humans to sit on, not dogs, and I'd be the same. YANBU xx

Genuine question to dog owners - why can't you leave your dogs at home for a few hours?
I mean, you sleep around 7-8 hrs at night and your dog copes without you?

Lonicera I leave her at home when I have to, for a couple of hours, (up to 4 hours occasionally, but rarely). She barks/howls the whole time, but she's used to being left for a bit during the day. I'm also conscious of the fact that it's not fair on my neighbours to be subjected to hours of her barking. If she's left in the evening she gets more stressed, because it's out of the ordinary for her, and the more stressed she gets, the more likely she is to have a dangerous (and very expensive) bout of pancreatitis.

We are fortunate that our circumstances fit around that being a workable arrangement, though, and my DD is often able to be with her if I need to go out.

I wouldn't dream of allowing other people to bring their dogs to my house. What next? Their cats? Pet rats? Rabbits?

When did taking your pets visiting even become a thing?

Growing up my dad had the sofa (the entire sofa - always feet up, only a two seater), my mum had one arm chair and the dog had the other. There were 4 children. We sat on the floor, and had dog hair on all our clothes. Always. Didn't even think to question the priorities.

Put me off for life. Some dog owners treat dogs as dogs and train them properly. The ones who don't really don't have any consideration for anyone but themselves and their dogs, and are best handled at arms length and only associated with in neutral public venues...

Tistheseason many dogs don't have separation anxiety, so are absolutely fine to be left for a few hours. No dog should be left alone for more than 4 hours at a time, though many people do so regularly, and some dogs are ok with that. They are social animals, and need to be with you.

I've never had dogs in my house and am in my 50s. No close relatives have dogs but if they did the dog goes in kennels/ elsewhere if they came to visit, or we'd meet up for a walk somewhere that is dog friendly.

Eww to dogs on chairs. Plastic sheets over chairs with a throw on top. Maybe some dust sheets making clear pathways through the house, bag of overshoes by front door. That gives the message loud and clear! They’d all be firmly behind a gate in my utility room fighting over the turkey carcass if it were me.

@Eryri1981 My god, a guest like you would really upset me. You've expected your year old dog - who is not a puppy - to be allowed to go on the sofa in someone else's home, and for them to do all the work for you in terms of dog proofing?

Massively entitled and poor behaviour on your part. Control your dog, it's your responsibility.

My dog is allowed on our sofas, but not in anyone else's house. Ever.

Thanks Tatter appreciate genuine response to genuine question x

Yanbu
Your house your rules for sure.

But my dog is allowed on sofa at home and he's so damn spoilt that there's no way I could stop him from going on the sofa without a constant shouting match.

So I would offer to use a trhorow too. If that upset you then I'd probably have to leave

I never take my dog to anyone else’s house! He’s well trained and would certainly not jump on the beds or sofa, but I think it’s really unreasonable to expect anyone to put up with dog hair, farts, muddy paws in their home.
If we visit overnight or longer, he has a dog sitter or goes to kennels.
We also have family who are allergic (DN and DSIL) and, because I love them, I put the dog in kennels so they can visit us. I even make sure he’s gone a day before they arrive so I can really clean the house.

Well I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable - I think it's more the case that two family members are trying to make me feel like I am. I have some sympathy - I think for the two owners the dogs are child-substitutes in a way, so they are very indulged, and possibly don't get enough exercise. There's plenty of room in the house for them to run around (and boy do they do that!) as well as a big open area in the hallway for beds to go. I shall stand firm and let you know how it goes!

I wouldn't dream of allowing other people to bring their dogs to my house. What next? Their cats? Pet rats? Rabbits?

Barbarian sometimes, if people want us to stay over, I have to take my bats. If you won't have the bat(s) (and the dog, obviously), then we're not coming to stay (which is absolutely fine!).

Cats, rats and rabbits can all be left overnight. Dogs can't.