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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting dogs

117 replies

chockaholic72 · 26/12/2017 15:49

I've got family visiting for the day for the first time over Christmas, and between them they have three dogs, which they've assumed they are able to bring. I don't mind this - the carpet is going to be cleaned after Christmas, and they have done a lot for me over the past few years, and to them, dogs are part of their family.

I've got a fair bit of new furniture, and have asked that they don't let the dogs on the new sofas. They've agreed to this but it it's obvious that they think I am being unreasonable. My niece told me that there has been a fair bit of discussion about it on the phone, and one family member said that she'll bring throws to put on the sofas so it should be fine.

It isn't fine. I don't want the dogs on the furniture. I'll keep the doors shut upstairs, so they can go anywhere else in the house and garden. The dogs are spoilt, and pandered to, and although I don't agree with it, that's their choice. But, my house, my rules, and I wish they would respect that. Am I being unreasonable? If I say the dogs can't come then they probably won't come either, and as they've done a lot for me, including having me every Christmas Day (my parents are dead), I would like to give them a nice day and nice meal to say thank you.

OP posts:
JamPasty · 26/12/2017 18:48

Bats?! Pictures of cute bats please!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 26/12/2017 18:52

YANBU but then again they wouldn’t be bringing the dogs to my house. I like dogs but I don’t want them in my house let alone on the furniture!

Tistheseason17 · 26/12/2017 18:52

Yep, I'd take the bats anyday! Pics please! 😁

Eryri1981 · 26/12/2017 19:16

LoniceraJaponica
“Trying to get him to meet mil's unrealistic standards for dog behaviour”
Eryri1981 your MIL’s expectations aren’t unrealistic. You are very lucky she allowed you to bring your dog. You could have put him in kennels.

My MIL wants to see us but rarely makes the 2 1/2 hour round trip (once a year maybe) to our house due to not being willing to adapt her busy social/ church schedule. I am not going to do that trip in a 4-5 hour window (leaving the dog at home), or pay for the dog to go into kennels every time she invites us over. So I do feel that as we are making the effort to travel that she needs to be willing to compromise, as is the case with the OP.

OP friends/ relatives have made her very welcome in the past, and she is now trying to return the favour, however for them this requires inclusion of their dogs for whatever reason (separation anxiety, lack of alternative care for dogs, distances involved etc.). Her guest can always turn down the invitation, but I'm not sure that is the outcome OP is hoping for.

As for MIL unrealistic expectations, she gets annoyed with dog/ me if he barks in reply to next doors dog, even for a short time. Or if he makes any mess (ie ripping up used wrapping paper, not pooping), even when we clear it up promptly.

One of my friendships has certainly suffered in the year since getting my dog, not because my friend is anti-dogs or unrealistic, but her (amazing) house is so open plan and she has young kids with their associated toys etc, that it is just impossibly hard work to go there as much as I used to (especially in the summer when shutting my dog in the car for periods of time isn't an option). Which is a shame, but I won't impose my dog on her beyond what is manageable.

OP
I went to the loo yesterday and came back to a dog in my spot. I was told I'd have to sit on the floor as the dog was "settled" (!).

Ha ha, my dog tries that on every time I move...he doesn't succeed though, and he knows he won't.

rightsaidfrederickII · 26/12/2017 19:35

YANBU

I'm very much a dog person and have found myself (somewhat unexpectedly, but happily) Christmas dog sitting for a friend whose dog I know very well and adore. He's come to my hometown with me. DM is not a dog person and I asked if it was ok to bring the dog, and respected her boundaries (dog not to go on her bed or pee indoors, which we managed). DF tried to persuade the dog to sleep on his bed, but the dog wouldn't oblige Grin

It's not like you're asking them to keep the dogs outside in sub zero weather Confused

TatterdemalionAspie · 26/12/2017 19:46

JimPasty and Tistheseason... just for you...

Visiting dogs
TatterdemalionAspie · 26/12/2017 19:48

And...Grin

Visiting dogs
Tistheseason17 · 26/12/2017 19:53

Oh my giddy aunt Tatter!!!!
Sooo cute! I'd never go to work as I'd never take my eyes off them! Thank you for posting! X

naturalnursery · 26/12/2017 19:54

Pandered to dog owner here. We're always very grateful when we are able to bring the dog with us and, although she's allowed on the furniture in our house, it would never occur to me that she'd go on the sofa in other people's houses.

TatterdemalionAspie · 26/12/2017 19:57

Now I've started looking at my bat pictures, I can't stop... Last ones, promise. Grin

TatterdemalionAspie · 26/12/2017 19:59

See, I would never assume that my bats were welcome anywhere, just as I wouldn't assume my dog was welcome anywhere. But if you're coming to see me, you have to lump it (and all the other critters). Wink

Tistheseason17 · 26/12/2017 20:02

I'd visit you Tatter they're awesome! 😁

buttfacedmiscreant · 26/12/2017 20:03

Wow.. I have two dogs and do not bring them to people's houses unless they are expressly invited. If I did, they would not be on people's furniture unless those people truly didn't care. It doesn't matter what the dogs do at home.

My dogs are allowed on our bed (if there is a throw on there) but that doesn't mean I let them jump on other people's beds. Dogs can deal with that, if not I don't take them.

mustbemad17 · 26/12/2017 20:06

My dogs are allowed on furniture (except DDs bed). Visiting dogs too. However i would not expect my dogs to be treated the same in a non pet househould. It isn't difficult to keep a dog off the sofa for the day. Your house, your rules. If they don't like they know where the door is i'm sure!!

Tatter you absolutely have to tell me how you have pet bats!! They are bloody adorable!!!

JamPasty · 26/12/2017 20:14

Thank you TatterdemalionAspie! Bats! In Hats!! They are adorable!

PinkAvocado · 26/12/2017 20:23

YANBU and I think letting them bring dogs (3 in a non dog house is more than I’d be willing to do) and suggesting they bring their beds is a great compromise.

JaimeLannister · 26/12/2017 20:28

Those bats can come and sit in my sofa anytime.

Iusedtobeafreeelf · 26/12/2017 20:43

I love the bats!

TatterdemalionAspie · 26/12/2017 20:50

It's made me Grin that the bats are more acceptable to people than the dog!

I'm a bat carer, so I collect bats in distress, rehabilitate and (all being well) release them. All the bats in the pictures (except the second pic) were rehabbed and released back into the wild. The one in the 2nd pic is a brown long eared (BLE) bat who I've currently got in care; he's overwintering with me and will hopefully (assuming I can get him 'flight fit' in the spring) be released around March/April. He is in semi-hibernation in my spare room, so didn't need to come to my MIL's for Xmas like my two pipistrelles did last year. To her relief, I suspect. Grin

FlouncyDoves · 26/12/2017 20:50

‘Dog is settled, sit on the floor’

‘Fuck off!’ - pushes dog on floor.

Steeley113 · 26/12/2017 20:54

I can’t believe the amount of people on here who can’t control their dogs. I’m a huge animal lover and I’m currently snuggled with mine in n my bed, but when I tell him to get down and get in his own bed, he does it. If you want to be able to take your dogs other peoples houses then you must follow their rules and have a dog that can follow commands.

Yanbu OP. Keeping them off the furniture in someone else’s home is completely normal,

JaimeLannister · 26/12/2017 21:30

I agree with Steeley. My dogs go wherever they want in my house but go to their own beds when told (Well the puppy needs more work but is only four months old.) I often visit family with the dogs and the dogs either stay in the kitchen or on their bed in the living room.

buttfacedmiscreant · 26/12/2017 21:39

To be fair, it isn't just dogs I feel that way about.

When my kids were small I didn't allow them to do all the things that they were allowed to do at home. At home they were allowed to pull the sofa cushions off and make play forts and jump on them and fall over on them (on the ground, away from pointy coffee tables etc). They weren't allowed to do that in houses where people don't treat their sofas like that. They generally coped just fine with that.

If they behaved poorly when told no, don't take the cushions off nana's sofa then they would be removed from the room until they could behave or we would go home/take a nap/go to a park.

Dogs are like large toddlers. If they weren't behaving well I'd take them out, put them on a leash, tell them to go to bed or take them out to a park. Same deal.

buttfacedmiscreant · 26/12/2017 21:40

p.s. useful to train your dog to go to something like a sample carpet square and lie down when asked to. Those sample carpet squares are easy to take with you when visiting if you don't have room/energy for lugging large dog beds for a day visit.

Evelynismyformerspyname · 26/12/2017 22:47

Bats are wild animals, but ye gads the people who don't train their dogs but expect them to be indulged way beyond the threshold anyone ever indulges a child - he bit you and you need stitches? Oh the poor baby you must have scared him! If you understood dogs it wouldn't have happened... Say that about a kid and you'll be universally reviled, say it about a dog and you're an animal lover...