Visiting dogs

[chockaholic72]

I've got family visiting for the day for the first time over Christmas, and between them they have three dogs, which they've assumed they are able to bring. I don't mind this - the carpet is going to be cleaned after Christmas, and they have done a lot for me over the past few years, and to them, dogs are part of their family.

I've got a fair bit of new furniture, and have asked that they don't let the dogs on the new sofas. They've agreed to this but it it's obvious that they think I am being unreasonable. My niece told me that there has been a fair bit of discussion about it on the phone, and one family member said that she'll bring throws to put on the sofas so it should be fine.

It isn't fine. I don't want the dogs on the furniture. I'll keep the doors shut upstairs, so they can go anywhere else in the house and garden. The dogs are spoilt, and pandered to, and although I don't agree with it, that's their choice. But, my house, my rules, and I wish they would respect that. Am I being unreasonable? If I say the dogs can't come then they probably won't come either, and as they've done a lot for me, including having me every Christmas Day (my parents are dead), I would like to give them a nice day and nice meal to say thank you.

Being allowed on the sofa at home is no excuse! My dogs are allowed on the sofa at home. They wouldn't get on anyone else's sofa because they have been trained to look pathetic and wait for an invitation. It really isnt difficult to teach a dog basic manners. People shouldn't have animals that they are too lazy and feckless to train, does my bloody head in.

@Tistheseason17

'Genuine question to dog owners - why can't you leave your dogs at home for a few hours?
I mean, you sleep around 7-8 hrs at night and your dog copes without you?'

Good point....🤔

People who can’t tell their dogs to get down off the sofa without the dog complying have poorly trained animals. Not surprising given many treat dogs like spoilt children and fur babies to do what they like.

I can’t believe people really feel the need to take their dog when they go visiting. I like dogs but I don’t want one in my house even if it is well behaved and stays off the furniture.
I have family members with dogs. They are potty about their dogs and spoil them rotten but they wouldn’t dream of bringing them to visit with them. They live around 3 hours drive away so if they visit it tends to be an early start and late return. The dogs have a secure run in the garden with shelter and they arrange for a friend to pop in and check on them/take them for a walk.
They are properly trained so they don’t bark for hours or destroy the run trying to get out.
Nor would I turn up with my cats in tow.

If they have done alot for you and they treat their pets like children and they ARE going to bring some throws. Then it's not going to damage your furniture, I would just let them do it. Imagine you had done a lot for a non-baby couple, was bringing your baby over and putting throws down on the sofa and they still didn't want your baby on the furniture (even though it wouldn't make a difference to your furniture and the baby was use to sitting on the cosy sofa).

Dogs aren't people Margarita

I wouldn't want a dog in my home as most smell. Hate dog smell. Wouldn't want any on the sofa especially the breeds that have very exposed bumholes 😥

Has the world gone mad?! Dogs aren't the same as babies FFS!

OP, YANBU. I grew up with dogs. I'm a dog lover. But that doesn't mean I think they should be able to do what they like in someone else's house. Any dog should be aware that in pack order it is people then them. So if a person tells them to do something, they do it. And they most definitely do not get to sit on sofas if that means people sit on the floor. Then they have learnt they are higher in the pack than those people and are likely to demonstrate behaviour that reflects that (defending territory, growling, baring teeth, barking). That is dog ownership 101.

@Stepaway, there is a certain type of dog owner for whom the 'furbaby' is way more important than any human baby

OP is not being unreasonable to make rules about her own home, whether that be no dogs, or dogs only in the hall etc. This is fine, however likewise her relatives are not being unreasonable to decline this invitation or future invitations based on those terms, particularly if they have reasons not to want to leave their dog at home (too long, don't want to pay for dog walker/ kennelling), or if they simply don't want to spend an unrelaxing day at OP home having to constantly discipline their dog that isn't able to settle. This is fine too.

The tone in the OP suggested that OP was grateful for the relationship she has with these relatives and the support they have given her, so it is up to OP to find a balance between her furniture and her relatives dogs which doesn't come at the expense of her relationship with her relatives. Obviously if not having throws and dogs on the sofa are worth the risk to her relationships then that is fine.

on both occasions the child invaded the f dogs space and syartled/hurt the animal. That is not the dogs fault. That is the fault of the irresponsible parent

Do you think a toddler understands about invading space? Or that a parent can keep her from accidentally startling the dog or approaching it from the wrong side? Even the most responsible parent cannot monitor their child's every move. To a 3 year old not used to animals, it's like an irresistible fluffy toy.

Much easier and safer to shut the dog in the garden or a bedroom for the duration of the visit. When I visit friends with dogs, they're always outside or shut in the conservatory. I think that's the courteous thing to do with small children visiting, unless the dog is very calm and quiet.

Good grief your house your rules op.

When we had dogs they sat on sofa with us but never on anyone elses furniture. They were dogs and did as they were told!
Lets be honest a throw doesnt stop dog hair going through it, dog hair is capable of peircing through most fabrics. They dont call it embedded dog hair in all those adverts for nothing😀
Dogs should know thier place in the family hierarchy and its not sitting on a sofa while a human is relgated to the floor!

And dont even start on comparing a big smelly hairy dog to a baby on the sofa. Wtaf?

I don’t understand people who go visiting and take their pets. Weird. I have had dogs and cats most of my life, it would never occur to me to do this. Once I had a dog that suffered anxiety and howled whenever we went out (he had another dog for company so was never really all me as such). Vet gave valium for him when we went out, they never suggested we had to take him with us EVERYWHERE.

Twice in my life I have had people visit with their cats. Yep, couldn’t leave their cat at home. This was for a visit lasting a few hours not days. First one, at end of visit we spent a few hours trying to prise cat out from under furniture, it would shoot out straight under something else. Many scratches endured. Second one cat acted like dog, jumped all over lounges, chairs and also pissed all over them. Visitor said ‘they do that at home too’, oookkkaaayy. I will now not let anyone through the door if they have a pet, don’t even care if it’s a stick insect. It’s odd and bound to go wrong at some point and at this stage in life I just can’t be arsed with it all.

Alone, not all me. Stupid phone.

YANBU

I don't take my cats to other people's houses, so why should they expect to bring their dogs to mine? If they want to bring their dogs - they should ask first. And if you say no, they should accept that.

Not everyone likes dogs in their house. Some people are allergic, some fearful and some don't like the hair etc. they leave behind. Dog owners should respect that.

Everyone else seems to get it but I'm confused - what's the issue with dogs on a throw on a sofa? Are you worried about them scratching the sofa material through the throw? It seems like a happy compromise to me (am not a dog owner btw).

The issue is op does not want hairy smelly dogs on her furniture which is her absolute right.
Why should a spoiled dogs (and entitled owners) feelings come before hers in her own home?

When did people start bringing dogs to other people’s houses? Genuine question.

I’ve not had a dog since the late 90s so might be out of touch, but I think people treat dogs like children nowadays!

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all in saying you won't have dogs on your sofas.

In your position I would phone the person who has said she'll bring throws so the dogs can go on the sofas, and tell her that this is not acceptable to you.

If she can't abide by your very reasonable rules, she can leave the dogs at home.

OP here. It's partly because I don't want dog hair on the furniture, partly because they are bouncy dogs and jump from one to the other, partly because they are hairy dogs and therefore have horrible shit brown dangle berries hanging from their bums, and partly because I am ambivalent about animals, but in the grand scheme of things, I think I'm more important than a dog (in my house anyway!) and won't be giving up a seat on my sofa for a dog. To me, furniture is for people, not pets. I've also found out that my aunt said that she'd bring throws - she hasn't asked or told me she is planning on doing this, but I've heard it off someone else and is apparently planning on presenting me this as a compromise. I'm compromising by having the dogs in the house, so the dogs will go on the floor. Actually, maybe that's where the throws should go. I will suggest shutting them in the kitchen, but they will whine and cry as usual, so will end up being let out because they are "part of the family" 🙄

If your relatives refuse to respect your requests that the dogs are shut in the kitchen then they are being unreasonable. The dogs might be part of their family but they're not part of yours and you're not obliged to allow the dogs into your house, let alone onto your sofas.

I'd speak to the aunt and tell her that throws will be good on the floor but will not mean the dogs are allowed on your furniture. If she objects, ask her to not bring the dogs at all.

It's ridiculous for anyone to impose their dogs on you in this way.

My bro and sil have a hideously spoilt twat of a dog(which has bitten me once) They also have a dear little GS ( their first ) but refuse to put the dog away in the kitchen for visits from my niece and baby. So my niece refuses to visit. I don't get why they value twatty the dog over their dgs.

If people treated their dogs like animals, rather than spoiled, infantilised children, the world would be a better place and the dogs would be much less prone to various neuroses.

OP When ate the coming?

*Are not ate! 😂